[The Doctor] Remembering

[more_flexible]

Jack had wandered until twilight fell and it started to become difficult to see. He hadn't paid much attention to where he had been walking...paths. The well worn paths kept him fairly safe. He wasn't lost, he was just walking. Thinking.

Remembering.

He looked up and around, getting his bearings, and he saw the unmistakable outline of the Doctor's treehouse. When he'd first had the problems with his memory after Adria, he'd gone to the Doctor for answers. Now...he didn't need answers. Walking and thinking had helped things fall into place. This wasn't like when people disappeared. He hadn't gone immediately to smoke or drink this away. He didn't want to forget. He'd buried the memory for so long...now, he just needed time.

There was no one he could think of other than the Doctor who could help with that.

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[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

The Doctor was actually sitting outside with a small wooden lantern next to him, carving something from a branch and humming an old Regarian folk tune about love in the salt flats of the northern continent. Atalanta heard Jack before he did, her head popping up from where she had been resting on a log.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He headed for the light and didn't stop until he was right there. His mouth worked silently for a minute before he decided what to say.

"...What are you doing?"

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"Making some little horses," the Doctor admitted, sheepishly. "For Lydia and Dixon." He caught something in Jack's tone of voice and looked up, looked at him. "Jack?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Oh. That's good," he nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocking on the balls of his feet, then back on his heels. "I'm...walking. Thinking."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"What about?" the Doctor asked, because Jack often didn't come on one in the evening, not looking like that and not being so damn vague.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Oh, things. A lot of things. I sort of...sawmybrothertoday and House says he's supposed to be the man and the Boeshane Peninsula and Delirium made oat bars."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"Wait," the Doctor said, sorting all that out and closing the pocket knife. "Saw your brother? I didn't know you had a brother."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Kind of surprised me, too," he said, then ran his tongue along his teeth. "I'd forgotten. I mean, I've been dreaming since Halloween, but today I went for a run and...got some context. And I remembered it all."

He didn't need anyone else telling him it wasn't his fault, or that he shouldn't hold onto it. Least of all the Doctor, who he knew held onto things he'd done...even if he never talked about it.

"So...yes. Gray. My little brother. Not really here, just a hallucination or something."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"So now you remember." The Doctor set the wood down and patted the log to the other side of him, Atalanta on his one side lying back down. "That's pretty damned heavy, Jack."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You don't know the half of it," he shrugged. "You remember anything about the invasion of Boeshane? The...invaders?" Even now, just the thought was terrifying. The most horrible creatures anyone could imagine...if asked, Jack would admit without hesitation they had been as awful as Daleks.

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

The Doctor closed his eyes and tried to remember. "Not really," he admitted, wracking his brain. "Massive sort of attack without warning, though they say the government might have known...but people always say that."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack nodded and closed his eyes. "We lived under threat of it every day, but when the attack actually came, we didn't have any warning. We ran, Gray and I. I let go of his hand, and he was gone. I never found him." His voice just kept getting softer, his pauses longer. "And when I stopped looking on the beach and went home, he wasn't there and my dad was dead. Killed in the...yeah."

Jack took a deep breath and pulled a hand free to rub his eyes, then mouth.

"So, I've been thinking. A lot."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

The Doctor paused a moment, then put his arm over Jack's shoulders. "That he might have made it?" he asked quietly. "Or are you beating yourself up for what happened? Or both."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Both," he admitted, sagging a little. "And then, on top of this...look, I know this is...can I stay here tonight? There's at least one spare bed, right?"

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"A couple, yeah," the Doctor said. "Will's room is pretty clearly marked, so any other one is fine...Jack, did you have a fight with House?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Not...exactly." He looked up and even in the low light he looked tired. "I was never cut out for the 20th century, I guess."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"What do you mean?" the Doctor asked, because that could be a lot of things.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"He's supposed to be the man," he said, musing mainly to the sky. "What does that even mean? I thought we were on equal footing, and, now, I'm not sure."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

"Maybe he means that that's what he's used to and it'll take time to adjust?" the Doctor asked, though he knew that very well could be not how things were.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack looked at him incredulously. "It's been almost a year. More, just not with only two of us. He's had time to adjust...but I'm the one who's adjusted."

[sortofaman.livejournal.com]

The Doctor looked at him with one shoulder shrugged as if to indicate that he'd had to make some semblance of the benefit of the doubt. "So now what?"