[for greg]

[more_flexible]

[From here]

Ianto had seen it coming. The Doctor had seen it coming. He'd heard it from more than one person that House desrved someone better and Jack should be happy. Happy. For the longest time, he'd been happy...and he couldn't exactly pinpoint when it had changed.

He felt vaguely sick as he left the clinic and went back to the hut. It was so hot, so close, and everything inside made him think of Greg. Sex and conversations, breakdowns and detox. Everything. And it was almost like he was watching it fall apart before his eyes.

Eventually Greg would come home. Every other time they'd worked it out. A little bit of fighting, some cooling down, an 'I'm sorry', and things went on like normal. Maybe that's how it would go this time. Maybe.

Probably not.

Comments

[misanthrope_md]

It was several hours after their previous conversation that House finally made his way back to the hut. He didn't know if Jack would be there or not, but when Padfoot greeted him at the door he braced himself.

He stood in the doorway, leaning on his cane and looking pretty defeated already. "I hope this won't be long and drawn out," he said quietly, not sure if he could handle it.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack looked up from the chair where he'd been carving a bit to keep himself busy. Long and drawn out...he'd already been waiting for hours, unsure if Greg would even show up or if he'd simply remain in the clinic.

"You think it might be?"

[misanthrope_md]

"I'm not sure," House said truthfully. "Either this is incredibly complicated or laughably simple." He closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't think it's really that complicated. I'm not happy. You know it," Jack said evenly. He swallowed hard before he stood up and moved to stand in front of Greg. He'd been thinking this over for weeks, trying to find the balls to just face it.

[misanthrope_md]

"But have you been happy lately? When you've been - " He nearly said 'fucking your way through the island' but stopped himself in favor of trying to make this as civil as possible. "Sleeping with other people and - " Deluding yourself into thinking I didn't care? "And assuming that it was okay with me?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"No," he answered. There wasn't a hint of guilt to it. Just a flat, honest admission. "I haven't been happy for a while. Being here. Being...this."

He paused, giving himself time as he slid his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out.

"You gave me enough rope to hang myself. Obviously, I did."

[misanthrope_md]

House sighed. "Well the other option seemed to be to strangle you with it, which would have been worse."

He dropped his head a little, pushing his hands through his hair. "So you weren't happy with just me. And you weren't happy with me and other people. So is it me altogether that's making you unhappy? Or is it just that you're going to be unhappy no matter what?" It wasn't like that was a foreign concept to House.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. It's you." Jack took a step back so he wasn't looming over House. He took a breath and another step, then leaned against the wall.

"You and trying over and over to make this work. You and the fact that you don't care if I have friends, but you make no effort to know them. You and your insecurity. You and your attitude everywhere except in here where it's safe to be a great guy. You and what you expect of me, when you know it's not realistic. I tried for you, Greg. I tried really hard...and I can't do it anymore."

[misanthrope_md]

House looked honestly surprised for a moment... because he was. He'd thought that the root of the problem had to do with sex, monogamy, infidelity...

He looked pained, and then finally said, "I'm not going to defend myself, Jack. I don't want to sit here and try to convince you how I've changed. I'm not going to tell you for the hundredth time that I've never expected you to change for me. So the only thing that remains is if you love me more than the sum of all those things you just said. I don't think that there's much else to be said."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Oh, no...you've never asked. Way to cover your ass with that," he snapped. "You haven't changed, Greg. You're the same miserable person you've always been and it's just gotten worse. No students, no council, no drugs...all you've got is me, and we both know I'm no fucking prize."

He couldn't stay still, couldn't just stand there. Everything he'd heard from everyone else, along with the things he'd mulled over after he'd admitted them to himself, all of it was jumbled up and he wasn't sure what to say. He loved House...he loved him so much sometimes he could hardly breathe. The thought of him hurting or in danger--or disappearing--just the idea could bring him to his knees. But was it enough? He'd been dreading this.

"You should be with someone who can actually be a decent boyfriend, Greg. Someone who is better than a good lay who makes you feel young."

[misanthrope_md]

Jack being so jittery was making House even more so, but he didn't have any trouble sitting still. He felt too numb to move.

He shook his head. "Is that really what you think you are to me? Now who's insecure?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I think a lot of things about you, Greg," he answered quietly. He stopped pacing, ran his hand through his hair, and sighed. "I don't think I can do this."

[misanthrope_md]

Rather than agonizing over what "this" was, House took a deep breath and without looking up at Jack said, "I don't know what's about to happen, if this is finally something we can't push past, but I still have to tell you... I don't know how I can make you believe it, except to just swear that it's true, but... you are more to me than you realize, Jack. You always have been. I know I'm shit at expressing my emotions, but I fucking love you, all right? That's real. Maybe more than I've ever loved anyone. That might not be enough but there it is."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I know," Jack nodded. He closed the distance between them and leaned over, cupping House's face. He hesitated a moment then lunged in, kissing him slowly. He committed to memory the mouth he'd kissed so many times before, the taste of him, the warmth.

[misanthrope_md]

All House could think was - how could anything that feels like this possibly be the wrong thing?

Maybe Jack thought he was miserable anyway, but House honestly didn't know how he could be anything but miserable without him.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I love you," he whispered against Greg's lips. It took everything he had in him to breathe when it was done. Everything in him to pull away and stand up.

"I really love you."

Everything in him to take a step back.

"Get out."

[misanthrope_md]

House's stomach sank to his feet. Between that and his mind whirring so fast, a million thoughts at once (it's over? really over? he cheated on me and I'm the one getting thrown out? over? never? what?), it was something of a miracle that he didn't throw up.

He had a sudden flashback, seven years ago, Stacy holding a suitcase full of his clothes. "I love you, Greg, but I just don't like you anymore. Get out."

He grabbed his cane and shakily got to his feet.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack wasn't certain what to do. He was always the one who walked away. Always. He took another step back, watching Greg rise. The whole thing felt horrible. It hurt.

It was the right thing to do.

[misanthrope_md]

House wasn't sure if it counted as walking away if he was being forced to leave. It was Jack's hut, after all; he'd built it with his own two hands.

The bed was his. Hell, Jack could go sleep in the jungle and it probably wouldn't bother him. House might even be in his rights to demand to stay.

But he wouldn't.

Though the fact was, he didn't have anywhere to go. Where would he go? The treehouse? Gwen had moved back in with the baby, probably taken his old bedroom, and she hated his guts anyway. He thought of Phedre, but climbing that rope ladder would be murder on his leg, and her boyfriend probably wouldn't take kindly to his showing up anyway. Mark? He lived with Maureen, and House would have put good money on her being one of Jack's six people. Cameron probably had a roommate in the compound somewhere.

It wasn't as if it was unusual, House not really having friends. But there were times when it really sucked.

Especially when he realized that if it were Jack? There were probably a dozen different places he could go.

In any case, that left the clinic. Which meant...

"Padfoot can stay here for the time being," he said. Even though he kind of hated the idea that Jack was getting his bed and his dog... he couldn't just traipse into the clinic with a dog.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I figured that."

Jack nodded, crossed to the door, and held it open. "Let me know when you've got a place. I'll get some help and move your bed," he said flatly. "And the rest of your stuff."

His back stiffened and he stood straighter as he held onto the edge of the door tightly. His stomach ached, his heart felt like it was about to stop, and he didn't trust himself to speak much. He knew his voice would crack. He clenched his teeth, sure he looked more hard and detached instead of completely broken.

[misanthrope_md]

It all seemed so goddamned neat and tidy. Maybe they loved each other too much for it to be any other way. Still, House didn't know how this had started out with his confronting Jack about cheating on him and ended with him being the one kicked out. But what was he supposed to do, throw a tantrum and scream, you're not breaking up with me, because I'm breaking up with you first? You can't fire me, I quit? You're the one who fucked around, you move out?

Maybe later he'd work out some righteous indignation. But by then there wouldn't be anyone to punch. Maybe that was a good thing. Though the other side effect of not having friends was that there wasn't anyone to get all pissed off on his behalf.

He reached down and scratched between Padfoot's ears.

He felt like there should be some momentous last words to close the door on something so huge, but as he stepped through the door, brushing right past Jack, close enough that his breath hit Jack's skin, all he could think of before disappearing into the night was:

"I hope you're happy now."