[for greg]

[more_flexible]

That morning, at the clothes box, Jack had met Buffy. He'd been here more than a year and so had she, but what was amazing was that in the past seven months (almost to the day) he hadn't ever even seen her. Sure, he'd wondered, he'd thought about that name...dreamed about that name on the lips of a raving madman. That name along with ropes and blades and smothering darkness.

He'd just thought he was handling it better.

He'd collected enough shellfish for he and Greg and threw together a quick lunch after he'd left the basement. If he could keep busy, he could keep from thinking about it. From thinking about her. She barely came up to his chest and she was so pretty and young and if she'd been bound and there had been...no. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. He'd done what he had to do to stay alive, and he'd done all he could to keep people like Buffy safe. He tried not to think about Maladicta being hit, tried not to think about how he'd failed to just keep the man there with him. He just needed to stop thinking about it.

Except he couldn't. It was on his mind the whole way to the treehouse.

Comments

[misanthrope_md]

"Please what?" House was feeling bold, pumped up from the bike ride. "Please fuck you? Please touch you? Please let you touch me? Do you want to touch me, Jack?" He slid his hand farther up between Jack's leg and purred, "Want to suck me, baby?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"No," he whispered, turning his head to the side. His throat was so tight he could barely catch his breath. "nogreg..."

[misanthrope_md]

"Hmmm?" Jack's voice was so soft that House could hardly hear him. "What's that, baby?" He nuzzled Jack's neck lightly, not moving away.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He closed his eyes, trying to breathe, trying to think, trying so hard not to shove him away because he knew, knew it was Greg and it wasn't bad. Wasn't wrong.

But right there, against his neck. Choking him off. Darkness and smoke and rum and he...he couldn't move...

[misanthrope_md]

"Jack...?"

House pulled away a little, having felt him stiffen.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He didn't hear Greg, didn't hear the ocean, didn't hear anything but the rush of blood in his head and the slow gasps for air as he laid still. He could swear he heard Rose whispering his name off in the distance...

[misanthrope_md]

"Jack!" House's eyes widened in alarm. He thought there was something physically wrong with him, that he was about to have a seizure or something.

He put his hands on Jack's shoulders and shook him slightly.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Hands came up to protect his face, but he ddn't open his eyes. "Stop. Stop, I won't...just stop..." he whispered.

[misanthrope_md]

Now House was more than alarmed. He yanked away from Jack like he'd been burned.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack rolled onto his side and curled up on himself a little. He struggled to open his eyes and look at Greg, really see him. He'd give anything to see him instead of the dimly lit wicked grin that crept back at the worst times.

[misanthrope_md]

"What... Jack... I know you were pissed at me yesterday, but you could have said something..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He tried to catch a breath, tried so hard to fight this off. He hated that he had no contol over it at all. Like falling. Like dying.

"Buffy," he managed to whisper, finally reaching out to grip the hem of Greg's jeans, as tears soaked his lashes. "He wanted Buffy..."

[misanthrope_md]

House looked down at Jack's hand on his jeans, completely fucking confused.

"Jack, what...?" He didn't want to touch him again.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I met Buffy," he said, pulling at the denim. "Far...Faramir...he wanted Buffy. God, it's been so long," he said, turning away, but not letting go.

[misanthrope_md]

A stab of guilt hit House. "Oh... jesus, Jack, I didn't know. Why didn't you say something if you were upset? I wouldn't have..."

Christ, that was so long ago, how was he supposed to know something had dredged it up?

He put his hand on Jack's arm, still not wanting to touch him anymore.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I want it to go away," he whispered. "God, you...you're a doctor. Just make it go away," he asked plaintively.

[misanthrope_md]

"I'm not that kind of..." House sighed. "I can't help you, Jack. God, I'm the last person who should be trying to help you. Thirty five years later and I still can't talk about my mother's rape without getting sick to my stomach, let alone my father...."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," he said, inching closer as he kept a deathgrip on the jeans. "I'm so sorry, Greg. I thought I'd...dealt. I thought it was done," he said, mortified at how easily he cracked under pressure any more.

[misanthrope_md]

"It's not your fault," House said quietly. "I'm sorry, I should have figured it out sooner."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I didn't want you to..."

To what? To see it? To know? To know how fucking weak he was that meeting a little blonde could break him like this?

"...leave."

[misanthrope_md]

"I hope you wouldn't think so little of me that if you told me you didn't want to have sex I'd leave." There wasn't really any judgment in it, just a statement.

House sighed. "Fuck. I can't believe I'm about to suggest this, but... maybe you should talk to someone. A therapist."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"A therapist." His grip loosened a little and he unculred, eyes fully opened and focused now. "You...think I need to?"

[misanthrope_md]

"Jack... you just shoved me away like you thought I was going to hurt you."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He looked away, off through the trees. "Yeah. I...I should. I should have before, probably. I thought I could handle it."

[misanthrope_md]

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Jack. Hell, I've got more issues than I know what to do with - it's just not that obvious because I'm such an asshole anyway."