for logan

[more_flexible]

[From here]

Maybe it was a fetish, but Jack hated labels of all sorts. He just knew what he liked. Too bad for the universe that what he liked amounted to pretty much everything. He'd left the compound and made his way back to his hut with Logan, covertly keeping tabs on how the guy handled breathing the cold air. Cold air wasn't a problem inside. The strange, round hut was warm and dry. Dulcita lay curled on an old shirt of Jack's near the fire and mewed at the pair when they came in, demanding the food she'd been promised.

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[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Good," Logan said simply, though his voice wasn't hard or cruel. and if jack had turned around, he would have seen that the look in Logan's eyes was no different now than it had been yesterday or the day before.

He was silent for a long moment, then wet his lips as he looked up at Jack, watching him from behind as he started to speak again.

"I drugged someone once. My friend. My best friend, actually. I thought if I slipped something into his drink he might chill out. He did, except... maybe more than I meant for him too. He wasn't the only one that got spiked that night either. This girl, this girl who I really- This girl who I ended up dating a year later, she had a spiked drink too. And, uh... she was raped," he said awkwardly, careful no to use any names as he spoke. "In a way, it was kind of my fault. I hated her back then, and I sat and laughed while she humiliated herself in front of all these people. I did nothing when they carried her off. She'd been a really good friend in the past, and I just... Hated her. I hated her so much that I let her get hurt, and now it doesn't matter how sorry I am. 'Cause I can't change it, and whenever I think about it, I have to remember how I laughed. How I encouraged it. How I turned a blind eye."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

It took the span of a breath for Jack to form the name.

"Duncan."

That was the only one it could be. From the way Logan had spoken about him and the way he spoke now, it didn't leave many other options. He wasn't sure who the girl would be, but considering Logan's small social circle here and, admittedly, back in the world as well, he could hazard a guess.

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. Tolstoy...or Burke. Depends on which side of the curtain you're on," he mused to his tea. In all of time and all of space, those were two words that persevered. Good and evil. Jack felt best in the realm of black and white--good or evil--to be neither and linger in grey made his skin crawl.

He had a sudden jolt of empathy for the Doctor, languishing here in the unending hell of questions. It was a thought he banished quickly, concentrating on his tea and debating the good and evil of laughing and turning a blind eye.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I watch those reels, and I think... I think I was supposed to be the villain, and some writer in some other world took pity on me, and made me a victim instead," Logan said quietly. "When I first learned I was part of a show, I was so angry, but now? Now it's almost a blessing. It's like when people say it's god's will, not their own. Suddenly I had someone to blame for all the shit that happened, and all these things I'd done. It's not that simple though, is it? There isn't some guy sitting at a desk writing this shit for me. There are no hidden cameras or excuses. Just choices I've made."

Glancing up again, he silently willed Jack to look at him, wetting his lips once more as he spoke a little louder.

"I know you've done bad things, really bad things. But you're the hero of your story, Jack. I've only seen a little of it, but it's so obvious. You're the hero, and in the end you get to make the right choice. I think maybe that's why I'm still sitting here. You fucked up, but I know you'll make it right. It's what you're, like... programmed to do or something."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Programmed. Wonderful. Jack spun on his heel and meandered to the chair Logan had been in to begin with, his eyes never leaving the dark liquid in the cup. He radiated the conflict and turmoil that kept twisting around in his mind and when he sat, the line of his jaw and mouth gave away a weakness he only indulged when he was alone.

When he finally turned to look at Logan, his eyes were rimmed red and utterly hollow. The only thing that ever made him feel like a hero was exercising the amount of control it took to keep his darker side in check.

"Can we just drop it?" he asked flatly.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Sure, whatever," Logan sighed, toeing his boots off and pulling his feet up onto the bed. The look Jack was giving him went right through him, and he looked uncomfortable as he wrapped his arms around himself and frowned.

"Jack, if you don't want to be here, you don't have to stay. I just invited you here to have some fun. ...I think we stopped having fun a while ago."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He nodded, but made no move to leave. He wanted out. He wanted to run...except that's what he always did, didn't he? He took a sip of tea and found it cool enough to down in a few gulps before he laid the cup aside.

He was so good at leaving, but there was nowhere to go. That coupled with the fact that he didn't really want to leave, but he couldn't just sit there mulling over everything that had gone wrong since he'd left the rec room with Logan up to this moment made for more conflict than he was comfortable with.

It took mere seconds to reach a happy medium.

"I have to pee," he announced, then walked out of the hut without his coat, his shirt still undone, and one bootlace dragging across the floor.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan nodded, his gaze fixed on Jack's shoelace as he watched the other man walk out the door.

He'd planned what was supposed to have been a fun afternoon, only to instead end up with... this. It was a mess, Jack was a mess, and Logan raked his fingers through his hair as he tried to clear his head. His eyes wandered around the room, settling on Jack's coat and lingering.

He glanced at the door and then slid to his feet, picking it up and looking it over. When it didn't seem as if Jack was coming right back in, he slipped it on, looking down at himself snd then pulling it shut as he straightened up.

It was one stupid moment out of a whole afternoon, but in that moment, Logan felt a little better. The coat smelled like Jack, and he smiled softly, relaxing in a way he never did in front of other people. Jack would be back in a minute, and he'd have to think of something to say, something reassuring, but for now? For now he could smell the other man, and he let himself drown in the coat for a moment while he tried to think of a way to clean up the emotional mess they'd made.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

The door practically erupted open as Jack rushed in, one hand jammed under his arm.

"I about froze my dick off," he declared, then noticed Logan in his coat. There was snow in his hair and he'd tucked the other hand in the opposite underarm as he shivered. "That looks good on you."

The cold had clearly frozen something other than his dick. Jack was more like himself, as if he'd left the introspection out in the cold. If it was as easy as that to let go of, he absolutely would have, but he'd only used the moments alone, shivering in the chill air to find a way to push the memories and feelings back where they belonged.

"I liked the pea coat, too."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Turning, Logan eyed jack suspiciously, as if somewhere between the door and whatever snow pile he'd just pissed all over, he'd been abducted by aliens and replaced by an impostor. A happy impostor.

His eyes narrowed a little, but he didn't say anything about it as he shrugged off the coat.

"It looks better on you," he said, holding it out in offering and chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Look, Jack, how about... How about we start again? If I could forget all that stuff that just happened, I would. So let's just pretend it didn't happen and... try again. Unless you just want to call it a night."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack took the coat and tossed it aside carelessly. Before it even settled over the chair, Jack had stepped closer. He hesitated for a heartbeat and then closed the rest of the distance and dropped his head to Logan's shoulder.

"I'm tired," he admitted quietly. "I'm tired and I hate talking about that shit because it's always there, Logan. I get that you want to know..."

His hand tentatively rested against Logan's waist as he leaned a little heavier against the guy, begging with pressure and stance for Logan to just keep him upright.

"I can give you a book," he continued. "The Time Agency training manual. If you want to read it. And if you really wanted to forget any of this ever happened, Ianto and Tosh have the Retcon that Torchwood uses to erase the memories of people." He huffed a bitter laugh and shook his head slowly against Logan's body. "Fucking irony, there...in my future, I create something to strip memories. Must mean I get less bitter about the Agency, huh?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan was smaller than Jack. Not quite as broad or strong as the other man. Still, when Jack sagged against him, he managed to take the extra weight, holding him up and closing his eyes.

"Maybe," he replied. "Or maybe you just use it because you have to or something. The greater good or whatever. ...Still, as nice as it would be to forget, I don't think I could do that."

His arms tightened around the other man, and he slowly tugged him towards the bed. "Come on, let's just get some sleep, okay?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, okay," he agreed, following along. It wasn't until they were in the room that he pulled away from Logan enough to look at him directly.

"I am sorry," he said again. "And I don't want to go to sleep. You can, if you're tired. I'll stay. I just...I can't sleep. Not now."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You don't have to be sorry, I just... Look, let's just drop it. I thought we weren't talking about it anymore," Logan said, starting to unbutton his shirt and shrugging it off his shoulders. "You don't have to sleep, just lay down with me for a while. I don't want you walking home while you're upset."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack nodded and started to undo the rest of the buttons, tugging his shirt tail free in the process. He desperately wanted to drop it, but more than that--he wanted to make it right. He knew, deep down, there was no making it right. It was just another piece of the mess that kept piling up around them.

"What do you think would happen to me?" he asked, smiling at how sweet it sounded. Concerned and caring. It was...nice. "Other than I'd wind up with just the cat, and she steals the blankets."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You could get lost," Logan said slowly, reaching out to touch the freshly exposed skin. "You might take a wrong turn and end up in a snow pile. You could get abducted by wolves, or step out onto one of the frozen lakes and end up under the ice... It's safer here," Logan decided, offering a small smirk of a smile. Knowing Jack would be just fine really, but more than happy to make up reasons for him to stay.

"You really have a drug that makes people forget?" he asked after a moment, smoothing his hands up the other man's chest as he stepped in closer.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Well, no. I had some, but I gave it to Tosh. Not gave it to her...I gave her the bottle because she got pissed at me for thinking about taking them after I found out what a bastard I become. They showed up in an attache case full of files and journals from my future. Stealing babies, covering up death-by-alien, a picture of a wife I eventually have. I think it was meant to be taken after I'd read through it all, but I never did. Ianto...he got a full bottle. Enough to wipe a whole day for everyone on the island. Or, you know, a whole year from one person," he explained, the sensation of Logan's hands lulling him toward calm and mindless. He rarely let himself indulge in this sort of thing, but this was the sort of lack of control he was okay with. The kind where he didn't have to think because he had someone to lean on.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"A whole year?" Logan echoed, trying not to sound as interested as he was.

Leaning in, he kissed his way up Jack's jaw, taking his time before pulling back and pushing the other man back towards the mattress. "So, in theory, if something really fucked up happened, you could just give the other person a pill and... And it would be like it never happened?" he asked, moving to straddle the other man as he started on Jack's pants.

"Sounds shady."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I guess. I'm not sure," he admitted between soft gasps as Logan stripped him. "In the reels, Gwen remembers, but it's a rare thing. One in eight hundred thousand, or something. But it's supposed to do just that. Make you think you've just lost a day. A couple suggestions to convince you that you maybe went drinking, or had a fall, spent the day you don't remember in emergent care...that's what the files cover. I really don't know. That's not my life, it's theirs."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Maybe you're better off here then," Logan suggested, jerking the other man's pants down with a grin, his movements rough and his touchs soft.

"You have no idea how hard it was to hold back before, when we were playing around, pretending we didn't know each other. Next time we role play, it better involve getting naked fast."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You look so good dressed like that," Jack said, reaching for Logan's shoulders just to touch him. "Crisp. Confident. Like you could just as easily shoot someone as ask them if they know about Jesus." Jack chuckled softly, arching up off the bed to meet every brush of Logan's hands.

"I can't wait for another party...I want to see you in a tux."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Shut up," Logan snorted, smoothing his hands up Jack's bare thighs. "You know it's nearly Christmas, you could just ask for anything you want," he pointed out, leaning over and pressing his lips to Jack's chest. "I have been in the giving mood lately..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, grinning as he brought his chin to his chest so he could look at Logan. This was more like it. This was how things should be. Not bullshit and scheming and flying blind. He liked the Logan he knew far more than the one he didn't...no matter how well dressed.

"You mean right now? Or for Christmas? Because I was thinking that it's been way too long since I kissed you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"How about both?" Logan replied, crawling up Jack's body slowly, his lips just over the other man's.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack dragged rough hands down Logan's arms and smiled at him, even though he was so close he was out of focus. "Right now, this is good," he whispered. "And for Christmas..."

He had no idea. Gifts were something he never asked for and something that always surprised him. Everything in his hut, things he kept for whatever reason, most of them had been gifts given freely for whatever reason. Birthday. Christmas. Just because. He knew the traditions and the things soldiers in the wars wanted. A quick end, a hot meal, a soft bed.

"I want a pony. And a red bicycle. And a toy train. And a tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I was thinking I'd just give you a blowjob, but if you'd rather have a pony, that's all you man. I am, however, limiting the list to things I can pronounce and don't have to look up," Logan laughed, pressing his lips lightly to the other man's and kissing him softly. "Really though, I offer you anything and all you want is a kiss? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or checking for a fever."