for logan

[more_flexible]

The supplies weren't hard to find and Jack was at Logan's within an hour of saying goodbye. The wiring was easy, overall. If he wanted something more complex, Jack would have to have more time, but a light bulb and an outlet weren't even a challenge. The hard part would be splicing it into the main line. He'd put up a small circuit breaker in the hut and had the gear all in place when he heard familiar footsteps. He walked to the doorway and spun the screwdriver he held in his palm.

"I was starting to wonder when you'd get back," he said. "You're almost wired for sound."

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack blinked slowly and waited for Logan to offer up more than that. Advice? Great. Fucking wonderful. He clenched his jaw and the muscle jerked as it tensed. Along with the way his eyes practically bored holes through Logan's head, there was no mistaking he wasn't amused.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan shifted awkwardly on Jack's lap, suddenly wishing he was less naked. This didn't seem like a good conversation to have naked.

"It's no big deal. He just said... He said I shouldn't fall for you. That I was too young to get my heart ripped out or something. It was stupid, it wasn't a big deal. It was my fault, I should have walked back out when I realized he was in there. I didn't-"

He didn't mean to do anything wrong, and the look Jack was giving him made him feel as if he'd done something very wrong. Even if he couldn't work out what.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He sat there for another minute, just studying Logan, then fell back onto the bed. He made sure to keep his feet firmly planted so he didn't dislodge the man on his lap when he scrubbed one hand across his face and ended by tugging at his lips.

"Bitter fucking insecure vengeful dick," he muttered. He had never said a single bad thing about House and now all he could wonder was just who, other than Logan, the ex-boyfriend had been talking to. "I can't believe...no. No, actually I can. I'm surprised he hasn't put up a sign on the bulletin board announcing I have forty kinds of sex diseases or something."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"It wasn't like that," Logan said softly. "He wasn't- I wasn't exactly playing nice, alright?" he admitted, leaning over and eventually settling in against the other man's chest.

"He made some comment about my thing for older men and having daddy issues, and I- Might have gotten nasty. I might have implied that he fucked younger guys for the same reason. Maybe. By the time he said that though, we weren't bickering anymore, he didn't even sound bitter. He was just... I think maybe he was trying to be nice, actually. I think it was some sort of misguided attempt to look out for me. Though I dunno why he'd want to do that. Not after what I did to him."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"There's more years between he and I than me and you," Jack pointed out. He finished by sighing heavily and laying a heavy hand against Logan's hair. Whatever House had told him obviously hadn't made Logan walk away...even if he should have.

"I tried to talk to him, you know. It went about as well as ever. I hurt him, Logan. Wounded his fragile pride when I ended things. Whatever we had it's gone. Long gone."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"So why did you kiss him on new years then?" Logan asked bluntly, not annoyed or envious, well, maybe a little envious, but mostly just... curious.

"You don't kiss your ex without it meaning something. Trust me, I would know," he assured the other man, quietly hinting at the fact that Jack hadn't been the only one to have a new years kiss with someone unexpected.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Because he was standing there and I wanted to. It was a mistake. A stupid, drunk mistake," he sighed. "Two years doesn't just go away. I wish it did. I wish it'd just stop. I wish he didn't hate me. I wish...so many things. He's got Allison and even if he says it's just fucking, I don't believe that. He's not like that. I just wish..."

He tangled his fingers in Logan's hair and gathered his thoughts before he continued.

"I wish he didn't hate me. And I wish he hadn't said anything to you. You know more about me than he ever wanted to know. I tried to tell him but he always said it didn't matter."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan closed his eyes when Jack tangled his fingers in his hair, leaning into the possessive touch and holding on a little tighter to the other man.

"Still don't believe he hates you. And I still don't like that you kissed him," he admitted, frowning slightly. "...But I can deal. Besides, it's not like I have room to talk. Just because you move on, doesn't mean you can totally leave your past behind. Some people you just can't shake off completely."

He was quiet for a long moment and then cracked one eye open to look at the other man. "You really don't care that I'm younger than you, right? I mean, it isn't a big deal to you. You don't think that's why I want you or anything, that it's just some kind of complex or issue? Because it isn't. I'm not with you because you're older, or anything else like that. Not that I- I mean, I'm not saying I'm with you..."

Except maybe he was. As reluctant as he was to label what he had with Jack, a small part of him knew exactly what he wanted to call it. No matter how unconventional they were or how open things remained. Logan knew he had a word for it, he just couldn't bring himself to say it for fear it might ruin everything.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't care why you're with me, as long as you are," he replied, disregarding Logan's opinion on House hating him. Maybe the man din't hate him, but he certainly didn't feel like he once had. And Jack wouldn't be kissing him again and that had little to do with Logan's wishes. It had been just as bad of an idea as dropping to his knees and sucking House's dick in some empty room. Yeah, not thinking about that.

"And I don't care how old you are, either. I haven't lived a linear life, Logan. I don't have any idea how old I even am. Might be thirty. Might be eighty. Might be...who knows. I'm older than you, that's a fact." Jack let go a little and changed his grip before he held onto Logan by his hair again. "If it's a problem, then too bad. I hate justifying who I fuck, and why, and I won't justify why I love who I do."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

It wasn't a problem, it wasn't anything like a problem, and Logan tilted his head back when Jack took hold of his hair again, his eyes open once again as he studied the other man for a long moment.

"I love you," he said softly. "That's the only reason I'm with you now. It's the only reason that matters. Maybe you don't care about that part, but you should hear it anyway. I love you. Doesn't matter who you fuck, what you do, what you say... I just love you. Every part. I love it when you're happy, when you smile and when you say all those things that I still can't seem to believe. Love you when you hurt, when you're high or when you're on your knees. Love you when you're angry, the way your voice gets cold and you lash out. I love who you were, even if it kind of scares the shit out of me sometimes, and I love who you are now. I still dunno how it happened or why, but it did. And who knows, maybe you will rip my heart out one day. Doesn't matter. It would be worth it, having this right now would make it so worth it."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Worth it. Jack wondered if it meant the same thing to Logan as it did to him. If loving him was worth a trip to hell the way loving Rose had been worth certain death. Actual death, as it had turned out. If Logan thought Jack was worth the eventual destruction when this mess they'd made crumbled and fell victim to the inevitable entropy. Worth it...worth having another piece of his heart ripped away when the island decided time was up for one of them.

Yeah. This? Now? So very worth it.

"You're such an idiot," Jack countered, his voice breaking a little and betraying his thoughts. He lifted his head to meet Logan and kiss him so slow and sweet it made him ache. He wasn't sure he could catch a breath if he'd even wanted to.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Leaning in as much as he could with Jack's fingers in his hair, Logan returned the kiss, his lips parting in offering, surrendering in a way he only did for Jack. He wondered if the other man knew, if he understood that for all Logan had opened up for a few people in the past, offering himself as best he could, he'd never before done it so easily, without fear.

Jack knew how to hurt him, and had proven that he could if he wanted to, and yet Logan let his barriers down anyway,

There was still an edge to him. A threat that he might lash out at any moment. That he might draw back and lose it, but for the most part? For the most part Logan was simply open. Calm and soft in a way most people would never see him.

The kiss was so soft, and yet it was enough to make him shatter, reaching out to hold on as he whimpered against the other man's lips.

Logan had always thought that what he'd had with Veronica was epic, but this? Bloodshed, spanning continents... No, more than continents. Space and time. That was epic. Something so intense that was doomed to end in heartache one day, that's what they were, and he wondered if Jack knew just what he was willing to do to hold onto it as long as he could. Just how far he would go.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

If there wasn't a constant risk, if there wasn't the presence of that hint of danger, Jack wan't sure he'd be here. He was rarely on edge, but in the back of his mind he always knew he was as likely to get kissed as slapped. It was as common to push as it was to be pushed. The one thing that had no place with them was complacency. Not ever.

Jack lunged into the kiss and gripped Logan's hair tightly. He lifted a leg and hooked it around Logan's, squeezing one leg between both thighs. The only person who had ever gotten half of what Jack had offered Logan was long gone...a year gone. Before the island, time hadn't meant a damn thing to him other than dates and events that he'd better not fuck up. Now slow and linear, time meant everything. This had been months--years--in the making and he'd be damned if he let it go now. No labels, hazy definition, and crystal clear feelings fueled the assault that ran far deeper than the crash of lips and friction of bodies. He could make anyone feel like the universe had frozen around them while he held them in the force of his attention. It was a truly rare thing for him to feel like he hadn't been the one to stop time.

"I love you," he whispered. Three little words that came so easily and meant everything right now. Love was such a pathetically weak word for this, though. No way four letters could encompass the way he felt. He broke away from the kiss and held Logan close so he could bury his face against his neck. The only thing that came to mind was something he'd heard once, long ago when he had been a new agent, shining with promise and untarnished by the reality of the job. It wasn't a language he was fluent in, but he'd memorized the beautiful boy's words and had always wondered what it might be like to feel that way.

Jack took a breath and let the melodic, throaty sounds break against Logan's neck. It didn't translate to English. Maybe the TARDIS could have helped him out, but it wasn't that important. He had felt it more than understood it when he was in bed with the gorgeous stranger who had spoken of tears flowing like blood and a heart too distracted to beat, of bearing witness against truth because compared to a lover's eyes everything else was false. Soft words that had bubbled from a softer mouth, asking Jack to stay long enough that his absence would be agony and that pain would be the truth long sought. Jack had thought it was sweet, but bullshit. There was no way love was the real justice of the universe.

That's what he'd thought at the time.

Now, he wasn't so sure.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Gasping as he found himself trapped against the other man, Logan became nearly feral, growling and twisting, soft touches becoming nothing more than harsh drags of nails down skin, his whole body bucking and then twisting as his fingers came to rest on Jack's shoulder in warning, making it clear that he wasn't above hurting the other man if he tried anything.

...And then it stopped.

The fingers slipped away, and the growls became gasps. The edge never faded, but it shifted to the background, all of Logan's focus shifted to the feeling of Jack's heartbeat. Even as they were, pressed chest to chest, he could feel it. He swore he could feel it. Jack's face was pressed against his neck and his whole body slowly unwound, draping around and against the other man.

He couldn't understand a thing Jack was saying, but there was something else, something more than just words.

Logan always fought so hard to keep his feelings in check, but he was shattered and torn already, and they spilled out despite his best effort. A hitch of breath and damp eyes, hands that wouldn't let go. Fingertips that dug gently into skin, and words that wouldn't come.

In that moment it was hard not to believe that his whole time on the island had been building to this moment. Loves lost and won, only to land him at the feet of the man he'd hated so deeply. The man he'd sworn he'd never trust. Jack, who'd been so easy to craft into his very own villain. So easy to hate and always willing to fight. Jack, who went against everything that Logan had held as a value when it came to love, who somehow had nothing to do with how each of those values had shattered and changed, despite being the one who'd been there to catch him when he'd started to feel ready to let go of love completely.

Fate. Epic. All those words Logan clung to, that's what it was. That's how it felt as he held on tighter, his lips parted slightly as he started to breathe in time with the other man.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He had never trusted easily or lightly and had been forced to relearn how to do it after he'd met the Doctor and Rose. It had been a slow process and even now it was difficult. He couldn't trust people, wouldn't trust the island, and hardly trusted himself half the time. But this man in his arms, breathing in time with him, Jack trusted him.

Perhaps it was foolish and maybe it was a weakness like he'd always thought. Trust was a way to be complicit in getting yourself fucked over, usually. It was hard to think like that now. In bed with Logan--hell, anywhere with Logan--it was hard to think of anything but how good and right it felt, whether they were fighting or fucking or just...being.

"Such an idiot," he said again. "Both of us. This is such a mess, Logan. A beautiful, perfect slice of chaos and I wouldn't do it with anyone but you," he confessed softly. "My Logan. I've got you, baby."

He tightened his hold a fraction and then risked the pain to lift his other arm and rest it against the man. It wasn't so bad, really. Pain and pressure and...perfect.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Hate when you call me baby," Logan whispered. "...Don't ever stop calling me that."

Lifting his head he kissed Jack Slowly, his hands moving to rest on the other man's hips as he moaned softly and held on tighter.

Laying with Jack made it hard to think of much else outside of the way the other man looked. The way he felt as they touched. Little details like the way his hair chose to fall and the way his eyes went bright when he smiled.

"You're perfect," he said suddenly. "I know I sy that all the time, but... You are. Not just outside, but the way you react. The way you look at me. The way i never know how you'll treat me or what look you'll have in your eyes when you look at me. ...You have no idea how fantastic that is."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Used to call me crazy," Jack pointed out as the exact smile that lit his eyes curved his lips. "Totally insane. You were probably right."

The smile hardly changed even when he leaned in to kiss him again, light and soft at first until he tilted his head and pushed for more. Kissing Logan more deeply, he purred softly and curled his fingers until he couldn't hold on any tighter without bruising him.

"Crazy for waiting so long to have this with you," he murmured when he broke to catch a breath. "Love you too much. You're like...everything. Better than anything before."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You are crazy," Logan insisted against the other man's lips, holding on tighter and gasping softly when Jack pulled back.

"Can't believe I waited this long either," Logan admitted. "All that time I hated you. sometimes I wonder now... I wonder if it was really hate. It was so easy to get you to fight me. So easy to make you the bad guy. ...Sometimes I wonder if I was just looking for your attention."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You've got it now. All of it," he said softly. "Always paid attention. Had to. Harder to avoid people than you'd think. Knew when you were usually home. When you were usually at the beach. Not easy...you don't keep a schedule." Jack paused then and laughed softly, shaking his head. "Makes it sound like I was stalking you...except it kept us apart except for accidents that wound up as fights."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Creep," Logan accused softly, nothing but affection in his voice as he shifted closer. "Kinda hot though, knowing you were watching. Knowing that you had to think about me. Tell me, Jack, what did you see?" he asked, nipping at the other man's bottom lip with a smirk.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Saw you and your exciting life. Walking Linus. Visiting Joe. Watched you come out of the ocean with your board," he listed. "Not like I was peeking in your windows, though. Never saw you with Neil or Donald. Never watched you in bed, jeans undone and pushed down, hand on your dick and your head back and your eyes closed tight..."

Which, he knew, made it sound suspiciously like he had seen him at least once.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan's mouth hung open a little, but he quickly shut it, blinking at the other man and then laughing. "You're a pervert, you know that? You're full of shit, and you're a pervert. You never saw me like that."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack smirked and did his best to look innocent. "I've got a good imagination, though, huh? Helps that I just watched you do it earlier. How your toes curl and you bite your lip and you move your thumb."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Embarrassed, Logan glanced away slightly, shrugging his shoulders a little as he spoke. "That was different. I was exaggerating things," he insisted. "I was putting it on."

Except not all of it had been put on, and Logan wet his lips a little before smirking just slightly.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Made it worth watching," Jack replied. "You're always worth watching. Everything about you. Like when you ride me, just so I can watch you. Love when you show off for me. Love watching you with other people. I could just watch you for hours. You have the most beautiful body. I'd rather do more than watch..."

He pulled at Logan again and kissed him hungrily, hands roaming lightly over his skin. His cock pressed into the man's hip, making it clear he'd much rather do anything more than just watch. Intimacy and emotions aside, there was a strong, pure, base desire whenever he was around Logan. Wanting people wasn't the same as wanting a person, and he wanted Logan all the time, every time. He groaned softly and writhed serpentine to get onto the bed and get closer to him at the same time.

"Some day I should give you a real show. Some time when I've got both arms."