[for logan]

[more_flexible]

Jack had had a lot on his mind since Mardi Gras. Most of it centered on time, the Doctor, and the past. Except this time it had little to do with lingering doubt or questions and more about how to help Bernice begin to let things go. Or, barring that, get to a point where it wasn't eating her alive.

He'd burned off a lot of energy at ITF training and after he had showered and eaten, he came home to continue on a project for Helen. Chances were good she'd see it before it was done, which only made him try to finish it faster. As he carved carefully, he tried to concentrate and not let his thoughts wander in the direction of Logan and how he might be or all the things that had happened during training that he wanted to tell him. None of it amounted to much, but he wanted to tell him anyhow...and find out what the other man had been doing as well. And he tried not to think about the fact that he hadn't gotten much out of him since before the party. Something had happened, he puzzled that much out, but he didn't know what and that put him on edge.

Comments

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan had planned on spending the day in bed, but sleep had turned out to be a total loss. At some point he had simply given up, deciding it had to be the empty bed that was making it impossible to get any rest.

Like some sort of fucked up Goldilocks, he'd grabbed a shower and some food, and made his way over to Jack's to try his instead.

Things had been a little strange since Mardi Gras. Between the fact that Logan was still a little bitter that Jack had never come to find him, and all the things he'd let slip to Harry that left him feeling vulnerable, the younger man simply wasn't in a good place.

He could see Jack working as he drew closer to the hut, and he was careful not to startle or surprise him as he padded over. His flip-flops hardly made a sound against the wood, and he leaned over to press his lips to Jack's temple before heading inside and crawling into bed.

After all this time, he didn't feel strange making himself at home.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack finished the portion he was working on, afraid that if he stopped in the middle the pattern would be difficult to pick back up. As soon as he was done, though, he wiped his hands clean, pushed everything aside, and went in to join Logan.

"Was wondering if you were coming," he said quietly. "If you hadn't shown up by dinner, I was going to bring you something to eat. You've been scarce."

Scarce wasn't really the word. It seemed more like distant. If Logan needed time or space, he knew all he had to do was say the word, but Jack had a sneaking suspicion that wasn't what was going on.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan rolled onto his side and shrugged one shoulder. "Sorry," he said softly, the simple apology quiet but sincere. "I guess I'm just- I dunno. Uneasy."

Wetting his lips, he sat up a little, not sure how to explain everything that was going on with him without sounding jealous or childish and afraid. "Where were you?" he asked. "At Mardi Gras, I mean. I waited at the party for as long as I could stand- and I mean that in every sense, man. I ended up so drunk I couldn't walk straight..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I was around," he replied. "For a while, anyway. After fucking things up with House again and then watching him puke off the edge of the roof, I went down and got a drink. That's when I ran into Benny and she was already drunk before I let her try the hypervodka. I wound up carrying her back here and putting her to bed. I slept out in the hammock. Of course, she promised to let people know we fucked like bunnies so people wouldn't think I'm nice."

He paused and looked at Logan, hesitating before finally deciding to ask, "What about you? Who'd you go home with?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan went a little pale at the mention of House, silently wondering why Jack kept going back there when he was forever insisting he was finished with the other man.

Though it did make him feel less guilty as he answered the other man's question.

"I was wasted, so Harry offered to walk me home. Nothing happened, I just sort of sat there like a drunken moron while he tucked me into bed. I told him he could stay. I didn't want to have to sleep alone, and he'd walked all that way just to be nice. It seemed fucked up to tell him to go."

He sank back down onto the mattress then, and wrapped his arms around the pillow he'd been using. "I told him stuff, about home. He asked about the scars and it all just came out. I talk too much when I'm drunk. ...Too many people know here, I wish I could just-"

He trailed off, clearly upset as he raked his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You told him about your father?" he asked, surprised that even trashed Logan would spill all that.

"Did he...I mean, if nothing happened...did he do something? Touch your back on accident or something?" Who Logan chose to take to bed didn't bother him at all, but the very idea of someone crossing a line that he knew well how hard it was to cross...how much trust Logan had to have to do more than just mention the barest details...it made something cold and hard settle in his gut.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Not that night, but before, when we were together one day, he put his hand on my back and I- Well, you know. I got a little tense or whatever. I was asking him about his past at the party, and it turned into this really fucked up game. He asked about the burns, about my back, and a little at a time, it all came out."

Swallowing hard, he opened his eyes as he sighed. "I didn't tell him everything. Not about Lilly, none of that stuff. ...It's stupid that I even care who knows, but Harry- sometimes I get this feeling about him. As nice as he is, as much as he seems to like me or whatever, sometimes the way he talks to me... The way his eyes get all- empty. Dark. It makes me uneasy."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack had gotten that feeling, too, but it wasn't really the time to mention it. Probably. Maybe. The man hadn't done anything and Jack honestly believed that if given the chance, this place could be a fresh start. It was what he'd tried to convince Benny of, among many others.

He laid down and stretched out next to Logan, kicking off his shoes so he could get close. Running his fingers lightly through the other man's hair, he watched him closely. He didn't look like he'd been sleeping well at all.

"Trust your gut," he said softly. "I know how you feel about it when I try to take care of you, but if anything happened to you? If you got hurt? I'd..."

From the dark look in his own eyes, he didn't even need to go on about what would happen. Logan already knew, or at least had an idea, of just how far Jack could go.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'll be fine, Jack. I'm probably just being stupid about it all. Harry's been nothing but nice to me. He likes me. I'm not like you, I don't just attract random admirers that often... It's kind of nice having someone around who finds me attractive who isn't one of your people." Like Benny or Helen, people who openly seemed to like him, but he still considered to be Jack's.

He leaned into the other man's touch a little, pulling him a little closer and holding on for a moment. "Why'd you go looking for House?" he asked quietly.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

One of your people...that stung more than it should have because Jack honestly never thought of it like that. He hid it well, though, especially when Logan brought up House.

"I figured he'd be drunk and I'd be able to catch him in a sort of good mood so I could apologize for the things I said in the clinic," he explained. "I should have known it was a bad idea because I looked for a bit and then asked Neil, of all people, if he'd seen him. That went only slightly better than talking to House. At least Neil was just snotty and walked off. House, though...I think that I've now, officially, given up even trying to talk to him. Apparently all I do is confuse and humiliate him. So much for trying to make peace."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"At least you didn't kiss him like you did at New Years," Logan muttered, his bottom lip jutting out slightly as it often did when he was sulking or unhappy.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, the kissing's where the confusing part came in," he replied dryly. "Right before the 'I miss waking up next to you, Jack' and a little after the 'can't believe you're in love with an infant so much that you'll do for him what you wouldn't do for me'...Logan, it was a mess. He was drunk and all I wanted to do was get him off the roof. Next time I'll just let him break his fucking neck. I don't care."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan pulled away, laughing bitterly and shaking his head. "Well, you know, you could always try apologizing without your tongue down his throat. That might help," he suggested nastily.

"You know, for someone so done with his ex, you seem to spend enough time making out with him. You've got the whole island, why him? Why do you have to kiss him? I mean, how would you feel if I told you I'd kissed Neil last night? Can you honestly say that wouldn't upset you, no matter what the outcome was? That you wouldn't wonder if I still loved him, or what I might have said?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"He kissed me," Jack said, as if such a minor detail made all the difference. "And then he got pissed when I backed off and told him I wasn't going to ruin what I've got with you. All I wanted to do was say I was sorry and then when I realized how drunk he was, I just wanted to get him downstairs to Cameron. As it turned out, my babysitting was needed elsewhere. I was actually kind of surprised you didn't show up. We could have both slept in the hammock."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You didn't so much as say hi at the party, I wasn't going to come looking for you," Logan replied. "Look, I'm not- I'm not mad, and I'm not being insecure or whatever. I get that you love me, I know that, I don't doubt it, but- But sometimes it would be nice to go to a party and not watch you sample a little of everything. Just once, it would be nice to actually be your date, and not just the backup plan if nothing else pans out."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You want to be my date," he repeated, blank and more than a bit confused. "Just with me? Like...a couple? I thought that wasn't what this was all about. I sort of figured when I didn't see you, you'd gone off with someone early. It's not like I didn't look for you. Hell, even seeing you would have made it worth being there."

Even if he'd been fucking Gwen in a stairwell or any of the other Mardi Gras disasters that had happened in previous years, it would have been better than bitterness and babysitting.

"I kind of hate Mardi Gras, to be honest. The worst shit always happens."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"It isn't what it's all about, but that doesn't meant that now and then I don't want things like that. I don't expect us to be some sort of normal couple or whatever, but- I'm not like you, Jack. Sometimes I need those stupid conventional things. Just once in a while. Just now and then. Sometimes I want to be your date, and sometimes I want to do stupid couple type bullshit, and I know it's lame, but that's the truth, okay?"

He sighed again and looked down at his hands. "I wasn't hiding, Jack, I was right there, looking for you. I staid by the bar nearly all night, just in case you turned up. ...Whatever, it doesn't matter. It was just a really shitty night."

Reaching out, he held on lightly to Jack's shirt. "I'm never gonna get to sleep. Maybe we should go get some food or something."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"There's still a couple hours until dinner," Jack replied, pushing Logan down into the mattress. "Close your eyes and I'll stay right here. And then...I'll take you to dinner. Like a date. Just because I don't think to do it doesn't mean I don't want to, you know. But you really look like you could use a couple hours of sleep."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?" Logan asked softly. "You really want to do that?"

He sat up again, even though Jack was still holding him, and he kissed the other man softly before speaking again. "I'm really not tired. I mean, I am, but I'm not gonna sleep. I know I won't. Let me go home, okay? I'll walk Linus and I'll put on something that isn't shorts and a t-shirt, and we'll make a night of it. Dinner and then back here for the night. I promise I'll sleep later."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. I really want to do that," he agreed. Smoothing his hand over Logan's hair once, he smiled and then moved to get up. He was covered in wood chips and dust, so he went to his laundry to see what he hadn't given away.

"Go home, I guess. Take care of Linus...you can even bring him over here if you want. I'd like you to stay the night, and he shouldn't have to be in that pen all the time."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan nodded, catching Jack's arm and pulling him closer one more time as he kissed the other man lightly. Just a quick press of lips and a small smile.

"Alright," he agreed simply, not wasting any more time before slipping off back to his hut.

The walk home was quick enough, though the distance between their huts would always prove to be a pain, and soon enough he was home, digging through his things as he searched for something to wear. He went through everything item by item, and found himself stratled as something slipped from the pocket of one of the nicer pairs of jeans he had, hitting the wood floor with a soft thunk.

It only took a quick glance to see what it was, and he frowned as he stooped over and picked up the small vile of GHB. It wasn't full, and he remembered clearly trying to pour it out. Promising everyone that it was gone, only to end up keeping just a bit. ...Just in case.

It seemed so stupid now, and he slipped it into his pocket once he was changed, telling himself that this time he'd really get rid of it. This time it was going for good, not just for show.

He returned to Jack's a while later, dressed just a bit sharper in a pair of dark jeans and a button down shirt, rather than his beach gear, and though Linus seemed unsure, he wandered over to Jack without growling for a change. Of course, he was soon distracted by the kitten, and the large animal sniffed the small ball of fur, before nudging her lightly to see if she'd move.

"Linus, go lay down," Logan snorted, watching the retriever hesitate before trotting off to curl up in the corner.

"Hey," he said, heading over to Jack and smiling brightly. "You ready?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack had taken the time to find trousers and one of the blue button down shirts that still had all the buttons on it. He smiled and nodded before heading to the compound with the other man. For his part, he kept the conversation light and barely flirted with Vala as he got his food. She was too busy reading some magazine, anyhow. Engrossed enough that she hardly noticed Jack and only flashed a passable smile at Logan before returning to the intricate and gaudy Spring line from some designer ten years ago.

It wasn't even until after they'd eaten and were heading home that Jack reached over and took Logan's hand, leaned in, and kissed his cheek.

"We could do this more often," he said.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?" Logan asked, lacing his fingers with Jack's as they walked. "Not too often though, right?" he added with a sly sort of smirk, squeezing the other man's hand and pulling him closer. "I kind of like the other stuff too, But this could be nice, just now and then."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Once in a while, yeah," he agreed. It was still strange, in a way, being affectionate like this out in public. For all the times he was willing to molest Logan against a tree, it was the holding hands and appearing to be a couple that compromised his comfort. Even now, he still liked the idea that this was more than just fucking was a secret.

"Let's go inside. We can do that other stuff you like so much," he smirked, a devilish glint in his eye. For the tenderness and convention of the 'date', he kind of wanted to see what he could do to make it feel more like usual.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Sounds like a good way to end the night," Logan replied, grinning a little and then tugging Jack towards the hut.

"Just promise me it won't involve scented candles and rose petals. I think I've had my fill of romance for the night," he snorted, holding the door open and laughing as Linus came wandering out, the animal pausing only to sniff his owner before wandering off to do his business.