Daniel

[more_flexible]

It was late. The club was closed and he knew Logan would be asleep. Jack took the last of one of the bottles, just enough to get a buzz, and he took the long way home so he'd go past New Atlantis. He went to Daniel's first and knocked on the door. If he didn't get an answer he'd try Vala's but he hoped Daniel was home. He really just needed some time with his friend. Things were so...he didn't even know. He needed a sympathetic ear and someone who wasn't invested in things.

It was just so involved. Jack was trying so hard to devote more time to his marriage. He was off the ITF for a couple more weeks, he had cut his time at the club, he was giving Logan his undivided attention, and there was the council. Jack had thought long and hard and had decided what he really wanted to do was take off for a few days. Just head into the forest and get his head right. But that wasn't a real option so his next best (and probably wiser) choice was to call on his friend and get some council. Or at least get a little drunk.

Comments

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

With Vala spending time out in the jungle, it had left Daniel with both William full time and class. So tonight he was on his own. Vala was at her place with William and he was at his. It was strange sleeping alone and stranger still when he heard a knock on the door. He'd planned on an early night.

With a sigh, he got out of bed and didn't even bother with his contacts. He just went to the door, opened it, and squinted into the darkness. "Jack?"

Jack with...was that a bottle of alcohol?

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Hey," he said with a faint smile. "You know how I said we should have some time?"

He held up the bottle.

"I have some time."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"You have some time." Daniel raised a curious eyebrow. He didn't say yes or no, but when he padded back to bed he left the door open and flipped on the light switch. He was only dressed in boxers, but Jack had seen him in less than that, so he didn't bother to change or anything. He just went back to the bed and flopped on top of it.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Come look at the stars with me, Daniel," he said, leaning against the door jamb. "You don't even have to put on pants if you don't want to. Come on..."

He sounded so charming and sweet. Softly tempting.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"Come look at the..." He looked at Jack for a minute and stood back up with a sigh. "I'm going to fall asleep on you," he warned.

Jack might have thought he could go out in just his boxers, but Daniel wasn't going to do that. Instead, he put his contacts in, pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and slipped on a pair of sandals. He wrapped an arm through Jack's as he was leaving. "Come on. Let's find out why you're pulling me out of bed."

Of course there was absolutely no way he was going to refuse to go.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I just thought we could talk," Jack said, hesitant to actually talk. He needed to take a few drinks before his tongue would be loose enough...so he got started on that. He took a shot straight from the bottle and then offered it to Daniel.

"Drink?"

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Talk or drink, talk or drink. Apparently it was talk and drink, so he took the offered bottle and had a small sip. "Where did you end up stealing the bottle from? I didn't think that you had your own collection lying around." Then it would be small talk or talk about work before Jack got to whatever it was he had pulled Daniel from bed for.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Well, it's almost gone so I stole it from the club. Figured we could finish it off," Jack replied casually. He took the bottle back and immediately took another drink, relishing the way warmth spread through his chest and down his arms.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"You rebel you," Daniel said dryly. "What will I ever do with you?" The more they kept walking, the more Daniel was getting curious what this was all about. Then again, maybe he was overthinking it. He and Jack had done stuff like this before back when they'd both been single. Or even when they'd both been with other people.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I dunno," Jack drawled, taking one more drink. Out of New Atlantis, but not far, Jack found a patch of cleared ground where they could look up at the stars and he tugged Daniel to a stop.

"Let's lay down," he said softly. "It's been a while since I really just looked at them. I kind of got out of the habit."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, all right. Do you know I can't even remember the last time I even looked at them?" Daniel sprawled on the beach next to Jack and tucked an arm behind his head. The stars were definitely beautiful if a little less so than you might get out on the beach because of all of the lights around them. That was the only problem with the modernization of the island. More light pollution.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I know. It's a damn shame. I used to spend every night looking up, thinking about getting out of here and now?"

He shrugged and laid back so he could stare at the inky black punctuated with gleaming pinpricks of light.

"Things aren't like they used to be," he noted, then left it at that.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"They're not," Daniel agreed. He didn't want to leave so much as do something and that had always been his problem. It was why the SGC had worked out so well for him. He could have his adventures and at the end of the day - or week, depending on whether they'd been kidnapped or run into certain problems - he could just go home and curl up with a book. Alone. Well, maybe that part was a nice change.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's...weird," Jack said quietly. "In a lot of ways I don't mind the change."

Sometimes he thought about it and he found he really loved his life now. It was so much better than being a coward. Or a criminal.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"And in the ways you do?" Daniel asked cautiously. He was wondering if this was why Jack had brought him out here. If this was why Jack needed to talk.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack was quiet for a long moment. He filled the time by taking another drink.

"The ways I do mind..." he started, then he was quiet for a second. "I don't think I'm half the man Logan wishes I was. I'm not a good husband. Were you a good husband, Daniel?"

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"I was...I was..." Daniel closed his eyes and he could still see the stars in their varying shapes and patterns. "Did I ever tell you that when Sha're was kidnapped, I was out showing Sam and Jack my discovery? I was showing them a map of the Stargates and back home, Sha're was kidnapped and friends were hurt. I guess I haven't really changed."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack nodded in understanding.

"We had a fight. A big fight," he said. "I ignore him. I'm dismissive. i never ask him about things or discuss my plans with him. I just do what I want. He said...he said I'm not like a husband, I act like a bachelor who comes home to the same fuck every night," Jack said, his tongue loose and his skin warm.

"Sometimes I think I've changed and then sometimes I think I'll never change enough."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel mulled that over. "That depends," he said finally, "on how much you actually want to change. Whether you're changing because you want to, you think he's right, or because he wants you to. If it's the last two, you're okay, but if it's more of the first..." Then Jack had a serious problem.

"I've always found you to be someone utterly devoted to the person he loved." He was thinking, now, of Jack and Dr. House and how Jack had stayed with him until he'd half killed himself.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I didn't even realize it until he said it and then...hell, Daniel, I wouldn't want to be married to me," Jack said. He sat the bottle aside and then flopped back onto the ground and got comfortable.

"I've changed so much since I got here. It's been almost five years and I don't notice until I think about the day I arrived. And I'm so different."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"From when you arrived?" Daniel leaned on an elbow and watched Jack. "I don't know. I'm not sure you are. You remember, I know you Jack. I know where you come from. The con man. The ex-time agent. The man who must have believed in something once to join the time agents and then believed in something again when he went back to rescue the Doctor and Rose. You've settled. I wouldn't necessarily say that you've changed."

Then, because it seemed appropriate or maybe because it really had been that long since they had done this, he put a hand on Jack's shoulder.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Settled. Maybe. Things are so different. I'm so happy with Logan, but he's so...I have real doubts that I make him as happy as he says I do. And I need to fix this because one of these days we'll find someone who'll help us start a family," Jack said, covering Daniel's hand with his own.

"I'm so jealous of you and Vala. With William. I wish..." He couldn't say it, though. He didn't know anyone he would even dare asking. He wanted a family. He'd thought he had it with Jackson and he had Cadi of course, but it wasn't the same. It just wasn't the same.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel flinched a little when Jack mentioned Vala and William. He loved the two of them more than life itself. He just couldn't help but feel a little...it was like he was playing the role of William's father without really being his father. Every time he actually thought about it, it stung.

"Then I think you have your answer," he said quickly so that Jack would focus on his words and not his face. "You want to start a family with him. You can't get a lot closer than that. If that's not enough for him, if he can't accept the rest of you as you are...that's his problem and it's not one that you should blame yourself for."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm not going to start a family and never be around. I need...you've said it before, too. I need to stop trying to please everyone else. Not just Logan. Everyone," he mused. Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"It has to be for you, Jack. It might sound selfish, but there it is. And if you make concessions, they have to be because you're willing to make them and not because someone else wants you to. When I stayed with Sha're, I knew that she wanted me to. I knew that she didn't want to go with me through the Stargate. But when I chose to stay, it was the right decision for me. She factored into it, but it's not completely why I made the choice."