Logan

[more_flexible]

Jack had his routine and he was sticking to it more rigidly than ever. Sunday morning dawned and he began to gather and sort laundry just like every week. He was quiet while Logan lay in bed and had it bagged up and ready to go, then he thought for a moment and went into the bedroom.

He looked at his husband and wished he could do something to help. Jack was good at fixing things but some things he simply couldn't fix. But Logan needed to get up, he thought. He needed to go on. So Jack laid down with him and kissed his forehead.

"Do you want to get up and come with me? Just to the compound. I can start the laundry and we can take a real shower and get some food we didn't have to cook. Come on. Come with me," he said quietly- and braced himself for a no. He just wanted to take care of Logan but he didn't know what to do.

Comments

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan was silent at first, laying and staring at the wall, but eventually he turned his head to glance at Jack.

"I'm not hungry," he said quietly. "Just go without me."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You should shave," he pressed. "Come on. Please come with me. We can take the dogs. Linus is dying to go for a walk with you."

There had been a time he'd been so good at conning people into doing things. But he didn't want to con Logan, he just wanted to help. Getting the other man out of bed was harder than he thought it would be, but he understood the feeling so he tried to be compassionate about it.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Whatever," Logan replied, getting up slowly and looking down at his feet.

he did need to shower and shave, and he grabbed some clothes that hadn't been bagged for laundry before heading into their bathroom.

He was gone longer than usual, but when he stepped out he looked a bit more like himself, even if the expression on his face was the same.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack considered up and dressed to be a success. He wasn't shooting for a miracle, just a bit of something closer to normal. He knew it would take time to get that.

"Great," he said, trying for cheerful and just managing kind-of-positive. He'd thought in the past few days of breaking into the good scotch he'd gotten or finding their supply of pot, but decided there weren't enough drugs or enough booze to make this go away. But he hated to see Logan so sad; it made him feel useless.

"Come with me. I know you don't like doing laundry, but we can do something good. Maybe go watch television downstairs or something." He figured Logan wouldn't actually want to do anything, but he had to try.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Don't coddle me, I don't need coddling," Logan snapped, raking his fingers through his hair and then sighing. "i don't want to go to the compound, okay?"

He sat back down on the bed and stared at his feet.

"I don't know what I want."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He sighed heavily, guilty for being called out on it. He went and sat beside Logan and laid his hand on the other man's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't mean to coddle you. I know you hate it. I just...you know. I'm not good with not being able to make you happy. Which is stupid right now, but that's it."

And when he said it outright it sounded so selfish.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan wanted to say that he wasn't sure he'd ever be happy again, but he knew that was over dramatic, and probably not true. One day he'd wake up and it would be easier to deal with the loss- just not today.

"I've been thinking about going out to the cabin," he admitted quietly instead.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Together or alone?" was all he asked, understanding completely if Logan needed to be alone. He knew he was being...frankly, he was probably smothering the other man with attention.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Together," Logan said quietly.

Because as much as he wanted to be alone, he wanted Jack near. He wanted to know the other man was still there. That he was okay and close, and not leaving him all alone.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"We can do that," he said. He didn't even have to do the laundry, really. it was just what he did. Every week, like clockwork. Here it was like time meant so much more since it was so linear and slow, and yet sometimes it seemed as if time just raced by.

"When would you like to go?" he asked, smiling just a little.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Now," Logan said quietly. "Let's go now, Jack."

Anything to get out of the Hamlet so he wouldn't have to look at Joe's hut.

"I can pack while you get food or whatever, and we'll just go."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"We can do that," he said again. He leaned over impulsively and kissed Logan's cheek. "We'll have to take the dogs but they'll love it."

He didn't mention that he wouldn't be bringing his rifle. He'd made sure all the guns were secure, just in case. It was just something he had to do for his own peace of mind.

"You pack. I'll go get everything else. We can go now and we'll have plenty of time to get wood and clean the place a little. Maybe collect some avocados and mangoes and things on the way." Always planning. Jack got up, excited enough for the both of them at the prospect of getting away with Logan.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan returned the kiss and grabbed the bags, starting to pack and grabbing everything they'd need. Once he had clothes sorted out, he headed out to the main room to grab his gun off the bookcase, the one Joe had built him, only to find it missing.

"Did you move my gun?" he asked curiously.

He knew he didn't need it, but it was habit to pack it, just in case.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. No guns this time," he said as he gathered some bread and meat they had on hand. Jack didn't look at him, not wanting to tell him but not wanting to outright lie, either. He was a master of the dodge with most people, even though he was aware that Logan generally didn't let him get away with it.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan looked furious.

"Where the hell is it, Jack?" the younger man snapped, impulsive and emotional like always. "What, you don't trust me? Does the bullet around your neck only mean something when you want it to? Give me my damn gun, Jack."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Logan, I was worried about you. Am worried about you," he said, turning to look at Logan. "I took them all to the lock up the police have. We can always get it back, but I was planning to take them all in before the baby came, anyway."

He didn't address the bullet or his fears. He was sure they were unfounded and yet...and yet Logan was upset and he had a record of doing stupid things so Jack didn't feel he was unjustified.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I never agreed to that. I thought that was why we built the damn workshop with a lock on the door!" Logan snapped. "And we aren't talking about the baby, we're talking about me. Go get it back. Right now, Jack, I want it right now."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"No," he said simply. "I'm not putting a gun in your hand, Logan. I'm not doing it."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"You are not putting me on suicide watch Jack, this is bullshit!" Logan shouted. "I'll get it myself," he snarled, turning to leave.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's not a suicide watch," he replied, moving into Logan's path to stop him. "You don't need it and..."

He sighed heavily.

"I know you, Logan, and sometimes...sometimes you do things...I'm trying to take care of you, Okay?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan gave him a shove, his hands shaking as he pushed Jack back and away from him.

"Shut up, just shut up, Jack," he growled, though his anger was fractured, the sadness coming through even as he tried to push it down.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack had thought he might get hit and he wasn't braced for a shove. He staggered back a few steps, only stopping when he hit the wall.

"You know it's true and you know I'd never let anything bad happen. So I turned it in, okay? And all my guns, too, not just yours. All of them."

Not that he thought he thought Logan might try to shoot himself with a bolt action rifle. That was a bit ridiculous. It was a matter of being fair.

"I love you," he said simply.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

The fact that the other man didn't instantly push him back just made him angrier, and before he could stop himself he said something he really didn't mean.

"Oh fuck you. You just always have to be prepared. Even when it's for shit that wont ever happen. Maybe I should do it, Jack. Maybe I should just find another way so you don't have to worry anymore," he snarled.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Don't say that," he replied, a cold knot of fear growing in his stomach. There were a thousand ways to die here and he knew Logan wouldn't need a gun if he really wanted to do it.

"Don't say that," he said again and stepped forward. He grabbed Logan by the shoulders and shook him. Hard. "Don't you ever say that. You promised me."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan tried to pull away, but he didn't get far. He was about to start shouting again, but in the end he simply started to break down again.

"I just want to go," he said softly. "I don't want to be in the Hamlet anymore right now."