[for ianto and daniel] Wednesday Sept. 19

[more_flexible]

Jack took the bucket and left House and Wilson together in the rec room. He made good on his suggestion, finding his way to Ianto's hut easily in the twilight. It really was magic because by the time he got there, not only had none of the ice melted, there were a few more beers than there had been before.

He knocked on the door and waited, hoping it was still early enough he wasn't interrupting anything. And hey, if he was, he had a peace offering.

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[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack was still and silent as the men dropped away. He held Ianto's hand softly, unmoving. The weight of Daniel on his stomach was comforting as well.

Still, he couldn't help but feel that he should wait the requisite time, whatever that might be, and then excuse himself to...well, to do anything else. To leave. To weigh the consequenses of the moment after the fact.

One of the immediate consequenses was apparent as soon as the rush was gone. He'd asked them to hurt him, and they had. His neck was throbbing where Daniel's teeth had sunk in, his back was raw and his ass...even the sheets felt too rough. Every spot where the pain lingered was a place where they'd left marks. Bruises, scrapes, discolored spots that wouldn't fade. Marks he'd wear home. Marks that were simply evidence of his betrayal.

This wasn't how it should be. He should be basking in some kind of afterglow; he should be catching his breath and telling them both they were amazing and wonderful and gorgeous, assuring them it had been fantastic. He knew how it should go, but he also knew how he felt. The sickening sensation in his stomach, the crushing feeling in his chest, they were guilt.

Guilt for doing what he wanted, what was freely offered and given. What he'd needed from people he trusted and cared about. Guilt for betraying Greg.

Greg was in bed with someone else. That thought alone made the sensation in his stomach a little less. He hadn't meant to make it happen, but it did. Greg had dismissed him, told him not to wait up. Greg, who he'd loved, who he'd changed for in tiny bits so slowly he hadn't even noticed until now.

He'd fallen in love at it was Achilles Heel. The way he had been wasn't how he could be any more. The way he'd been before, he couldn't do that either. Jack found himself in a strange sort of limbo, wondering where his boundaries were. Wondering if he even had any without someone to follow.

He sighed heavily without realizing it, also not realizing that during the course of his quiet thoughts, all the pain had stopped. All the marks disappeared--just because he willed them gone.

[coffee_sir]

Ianto shifted slightly to make himself a little more comfortable, kissing Daniel's shoulder in the process. He felt as if he could doze off, just relax completely for an hour or so, but Jack's sigh wasn't the contented, peaceful sigh he expected to hear.

Propping himself up somewhat, he rested his chin on Daniel's shoulder so he could look over his body to Jack. He squeezed Jack's hand gently, then turned their hands so he could run his thumb over Jack's knuckles. "You alright?" Ianto asked softly.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel couldn't move much, with Ianto resting on him, but when he turned his head to look up at Jack, almost immediately he noticed the bite mark on Jack's chest was gone. Daniel leaned up a little and saw that at least one of the ones on Jack's neck was gone, too. Before Jack could answer, Daniel let out a sigh of his own. "You're not."

Connections formed in Daniel's head, theories tested and rejected within seconds until he came up with a likely suggestion. "You didn't take my advice and now you're feeling guilty." He didn't let any judgment one way or the other into the sentence, just spoke it plainly. Jack didn't need that. None of them did.

Carefully, Daniel considered his words. He didn't want to promise Jack that everything was going to be all right, because it had been a given at the start that it wouldn't be. He couldn't even promise that things with Greg would end up being okay, because he didn't know the man. But there was something else he could promise.

"When the fallout from the island's latest fiasco happens, let me know. Let us know." It wasn't an order and it wasn't a plea. It was something between the two. He pushed Ianto up and turned so that he was looking at Jack full-on. "You were the one that there for me when I thought that nothing would ever be right again. And I've picked up some of the pieces. And if you need the same, well...that's what family does."

He blinked a little at himself, the final words coming without active thought. He didn't know where it had come from, but it felt right. He'd said he'd loved Jack and he'd meant like Sam and Teal'c and that's what Sam and Teal'c were. Family.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He clenched his jaw, looking at Ianto, listened to Daniel. Fallout...yeah, there would be fallout. One way or another, there was going to be fallout.

"I'm fine," he assured Ianto quietly. It wasn't the pat lie he told all the time. Physically, he was fine. He was satisfied in more than one way. It was just...

Change.

Fuck, he hated changing.

[coffee_sir]

It was hard to look at Jack, listen to Daniel, and not feel like an absolute twat. The intention had been to stop Jack from doing anything stupid, and though it had seemed the thing to do at the time (and Ianto thought he would be able to defend himself in any case) he couldn't help the doubts from starting to seep in.

He didn't let them show though, refused to give them a foothold. Holding Jack's gaze as much as he could through Daniel's words, Ianto squeezed Jack's hand again as he sat up. "If you want to leave, then go," he said quietly, no judgment in his voice. "But you're always welcome here. You know that, just remember it."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"You're not fine," Daniel disagreed, because if Daniel wasn't allowed to hide from Jack then the reverse was also true. "The island fucks with everyone and today it decided to screw with you." After a minute, he admitted, "And maybe we helped it along. But whatever the consequences, we will help you."

That was a given. If Jack didn't come to them, they would go to him.

"Even a Captain needs to have someone to lean against, Jack. I've seen what happens when they don't." He took a breath. "Jack walked through the Stargate - the first time I met him - ready to blow a nuke to make sure the Gate couldn't be accessed. It was a suicide mission. Not one he took because he had to. One he took because he wanted to."

He shook his head before Jack could respond. "I'm not saying you're suicidal, but I am saying that I know what it's like when you don't have someone to count on." And by you he meant military men. "And I want you to know you can count on us. On me."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Reciprocity only worked when Jack was willing. For now, he'd stick to his typical answer. It was enough, just right now, to be 'fine'. Not fixed. Not happy. Not weak or strong. Just...fine.

He smiled at Ianto, soft but tight, and stroked Daniel's hair once, then moved away, climbing off the bed and retrieving his clothes from the night before.

Their words--count on us, family, welcome--he heard and understood. This just wasn't the time to deal with it. It was too raw, too fresh, too close. He may as well have still been marked and bruised for as bright as the pain still was.

After Faramir, though, he couldn't stand to look down and see scrapes and bruises. It had little to do with House and everything to do with him. Marks were...well, once, a long time ago, marks were not allowed.

"I know," he replied, fastening the top button of his jeans. "Thanks."

And that was all he was willing to say about it. Any of it.

[coffee_sir]

Jack was making his escape, as per usual, and Ianto was neither unsurprised nor unsympathetic. Jack knew everything Daniel had just said. He just did without having to hear it. But Jack listening and Jack doing were two completely separate things, and Ianto knew Daniel wasn't going to get anything more out of Jack than what he'd already gotten. And perhaps a goodbye.

Shifting again, Ianto resettled on the bed with his arms loosely around Daniel, roughly chest to shoulder. It was partially out of a need to have the other man close and partially to somehow restrain him from saying too much, pushing too much more. Because half of loving Jack was letting him go. Sometimes more than half.

"Take care," he said to Jack, giving him a slight but true smile.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel leaned against Ianto and sighed. The acknowledgment was enough. For now. It meant that at least Jack had listened to what they said, believed it, and would probably process what it actually meant. God knew that Daniel needed to. He'd done such a complete 180 that if he hadn't seen how Jack had responded to being under the island's magic, he would have believed he was.

Except that Jack didn't question it. Jack hadn't questioned the newfound feelings and Daniel did. Or at least would once he was alone with Ianto. He wasn't sure that Jack was up to the scrutiny that Daniel was about to put himself through.

"In bocca al lupo," he murmured, nodding. Good luck indeed. He thought that Jack would need it. He gave Jack a look that hopefully said that he was leaving off the line of conversation for now. It would be continued later, but not now.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack pulled on his shirt, then picked up his boots. One final look at each of them, one final smile, one quiet nod, and he walked out.

The beer was still on the table in the bucket, the ice still there too. Jack picked out a bottle and opened it, considering for a moment everything that had happened since Wilson gave him the first one last night. Just a moment of thought, and the bottle changed to a flask and Jack smiled. House had Wilson and he had hypervodka.

As he left their hut, he was fairly certain everything was just how it was supposed to be.