[For Ace]

[more_flexible]

Jack crossed the perimeter of dino territory, Padfoot at his heels. The dog was good for a lot of things, and finding people in the jungle was one of the more useful. Jack wasn't going to fuck around with waiting to hear an explosion to locate his girl.

"Go get her," he encouraged, tromping through the undergrowth with his rifle at the ready.

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[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She didn't need them.

No, that wasn't it. It wasn't that she didn't need them, it was they they didn't need her. None of them did. Ianto had Daniel and Tosh and Jack, Jack had- had everyone.

Jack knew what an idiot she was, now. He didn't want to bloody well talk to her anymore, and that was fine. More then fine. It was fine even though it made her chest hurt like all that was left was a cold piece of rock...

She'd make it be fine. She was leaving. For good, this time. No notes. No 'leaving things so that they'll know I'm not gone.' She didn't want to be followed. Didn't need to be followed. Didn't need him.

Didn't need anyone.

She'd not looked back when she left; she didn't need anything, had food and water and her jacket and nitro and... things. Things to be by herself. To live again.

She didn't need anyone.

And more so, nobody needed her. She didn't stop walking when her legs protested, didn't stop when she ate and drank, refilling her water from the stream. Didn't stop as it got dark, and even after she'd slipped and cut her arm open on river rocks, she just wrapped it and kept going. Maybe she'd die out here.

Would that be so bad? She'd go back home, go back and be canceled and never know what she didn't have. Never have the good, but never be hurt quite like that ever. She'd die, without knowing that there were people who said they loved her, without the people she cared about knowing-

It wasn't just Jack. Jamie knew. Jamie knew, and Jack knew now, and got it, obviously. Ianto knew. Everyone knew, and she understood it now.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Padfoot darted under the brush and Jack followed. He was paying attention only enough to know they weren't being hunted. He had no patience for that shit. The first dinosaur that rushed the dog was taken down and they kept on walking.

The lab wasn't the best tracking dog, but when there was fresh blood on a rock and broken foliage, it wasn't hard for the dog to lead the way as darkness fell in the jungle. Jack hadn't said anything the whole time and Padfoot could tell this wasn't the same as any other walk. This was something the man thought was important. Important enough to not speak. Important enough that when he smelled the woman not far off he rushed forward, his thick chest breaking through the brush and his bark letting everyone know that the dog had found her.

Only then did the footfall of boots speed up.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She heard the barking.

She wanted to kick herself, and stood in the open, not trying to run and hide - if he'd brought a fucking dog with him, there was nothing that she could do.

"You shouldn't have come after me." He didn't need to come after her. He'd made it clear that he didn't want her. Didn't want her around, talk to her, see her.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I do a lot of things I shouldn't," he said, everything about him in soldier-mode, from his posture to his voice. He was obviously on a mission and he held the rifle lightly, looking around for dinos.

"I made a promise. I don't care if you said goodbye...I'm never letting you go."

If he let on now how much it had hurt that she'd gone, he'd never get it back together. He was thankful for the dark and how it hid his eyes.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"You don't want me around, Jack," she almost spat. It hurt, what he said. That he acted like it was her, that she's the one who'd ripped herself away when he'd pushed her.

He'd made himself clear.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," he shot back, gritting his teeth. "You know that isn't true. Or you should. I love you. You don't want to hear that. I know. It hurts. But it's not going to change because I can't help, or you leave, or because you sleep with other people, and it's sure as hell not going to change because I don't hear what you're saying until after you're gone."

He turned away as he was talking, reaching down to lay his hand on the dog's head, petting him just to have someone, something to touch.

"We need a fire," he said abruptly.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"You made it clear. You made it clear as sodding crystal, and just because you've had an attack of conscience doesn't mean anything. Doesn't mean anything, Jack. You might think you love me-"

Her voice cracked.

"So I solved it. I'm out of your life for good. Turn around and go home."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm not leaving," Jack said, his voice rising and breaking. "Damn it, Ace! What do I have to do? I want you. I want you every day. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy. If that means I can't be honest with you, fine. I'll lie. I'll do whatever it takes, but I'm not just gong to let you leave like everyone else. I'm not going to leave you. It's. Not. Gonna. Happen."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

When he talked like that, he broke her heart. It was more emotion then his head, it wasn't him thinking- just him feeling.

Just him being Jack in the end. "I'm trying to do the right thing. I realise that it's not right. That I shouldn't be with people, that I just want things that I can't have, and they indulge me-" It hurt.

"I let myself. With you, I let myself. With the duplicate-"

Her voice lowered, more hurt... more vunerable. "I let myself believe that it was alright. That it was what he wanted. That he wanted me, when I would have just been a rebound."

No one just wanted her the way she was. It was always 'second best' and 'not good enough'.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't want you to let yourself, Ace," his heart breaking there for everyone to see. "Can't you just...can't you tell that..."

He looked down and said 'fetch' in barely more than a whisper and Padfoot ran off into the darkness. He'd be fine. Jack knew he'd be okay.

As the dog ran off, he stepped closer and caught her in his arms.

"I'm trying so hard, Ace. Trying to just be with him. I'm trying," he said, his chest rising and falling, his arms tightening around her. His head craning forward. His lips against hers. "Trying," he whispered again, before kissing her hard, hungry.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"I'm not what you want, Jack," she'd pulled back half an inch, her eyes begging for him to lie to her. To give her that-

So she could let herself believe.

It wasn't what he wanted, but it was all she could do. All she could hope for.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack moved his lips to her ear. "I want you. God, Ace, I want you. If you can't tell..."

She knew him well enough to know when he was lying and when he wasn't...and when there was no way he could lie. The heat his body gave off, the scent it carried from his skin, the tightness of his arms and back and, yes, his pants, all those made it perfectly clear.

"Maybe not only you, but you know that, too. You know me, Ace. I won't, if you don't want me, too. I won't ever use you. Won't ever ask for anything. But I want...God, I want you. You."

Anything else was going to be her call. He was as bare and open as could be.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

It wasn't ever about him and other people. She knew him - more then knew him. "Is it just biological?" The question was harsh, was almost hoarse.

Maybe that was a part. That there was no emotion and she'd let herself accept that, let herself just take Jamie wanting her without him wanting anything with her.

And she wasn't talking about love, about monogamy - that shite didn't matter. "Tell me it's not." She turned her cheek against his, closing her eyes as this hurt somehow.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Is it...?"

Jack let go and stumbled back a step, and then another. Nothing Jamie had done had hurt that much. No physical blow hit so hard.

"No. It never has been. I...I thought..." Silence choked him and no matter what, he couldn't make the words come for a minute. "...Ace?"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She stared at him, her shoulders hunching. "That's what he wanted. What- What I would let myself have. Imagine that it was more then that. And you- you figured it out. Let me go. Didn't want. And now-"

There was no reason for him to want her in any way other then that, now. He'd let her go. Made it clear that he didn't want her.

She wasn't worth keeping around.

"I should go?" Her voice was high pitched at the end like a question, but she already turned to leave. To walk away with her wounded ego and pride, with the realization of... this. Of all of this.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Please don't leave me," he sobbed, knowing she wasn't that far away. He took a step to follow but hit his knees, the rifle clattering to the ground. "Ace..."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

It wasn't about leaving him. Couldn't he understand that?

She turned, and he was on his knees-

"Jack-" She didn't think before going to him. "It's not leaving you. It's best for you. It's- It's what you need." He didn't need her. She wasn't good at this - comforting, and reading people, but- "I love you-" Her voice cracked. "Do you understand? I love you, and I understand, now."

That she didn't have a place here.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack's arms encircled her and he dropped his head to her shoulder. "How? How is it best? How do I need you not in my life? Ace? How?" he asked, pleaded. "You're one of my best friends. I love you. I need you...It's not better! It's not! I didn't kill him! I didn't kill him...because you didn't want me to. I want...you."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"Because I hurt you- Jack, I'd be better-" She finally pulled back, ducking her head to look into Jack's eyes. "Jack, I'd better off dead."

Her eyes were flat, the glimmer gone.

"You wouldn't have to worry anymore. I wouldn't- I wouldn't mess things up with anyone. Wouldn't- Wouldn't do this."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He let go like she'd burned him and stared at her, mouth opening, then closing.

"No," he finally managed to say, clinging to her. "NO!"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"Wouldn't it?" Her voice was a whisper. "Jack, I- I just make things bad. Make them wrong." She closed her eyes.

It was all eating at her. Jamie. Jack. Ianto. The Doctor, the way- the way everything worked out. Sorin. Mike.

The way everything worked out.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"NO!" he screamed, pulling her shoulders and falling back onto his heels. "Ace, what...why...what...ouch, just a..."

He shifted, twisting his legs so he could simply sit on his ass.

"It's not like that with me. Ever. Do you...Do I make you feel that way?"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"You make me feel like I should help. Like I should make things better for you." She licked her lips. "And it seems like I just make them worse. Like- like I make you unhappy. Suffer." She licked her lips.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You don't, Ace. You really don't. You make it better...just being here. I don't know what I'd do without you," he said, holding out his hands as tears fell freely.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She took them, staring into his face. "I make you cry. I make you hurt, Jack." She licked her lips, and shook her head slightly. "I love you." She leaned forward, and kissed him so gently.

"I don't make anything better. Ever."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Neither do I," he said, kissing her back, searching for more contact, something of her to keep with him. "I make you cry. I piss you off. I love you, though. No matter what...I do."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"Do I make you happy? Sometimes?" She paused. "Ever?" Her voice cracked on that word, her fingers slipping into his hair as she stared into those blue eyes of his.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"All the time. You're my girl," he replied, stroking her cheek. "Just being with you is better than...not." He didn't want to think about her dying or disappearing. He couldn't. Not now.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She leaned up and kissed him - raw and desperate, his lips tasting like his tears. "Jack-" She needed- needed the confirmation. The care.

The concern.

"I love you-"

She loved him. Needed him. "Please? Show me?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's not just..." he started, then just kissed her. Kissed her like he wanted to all the time. Kissed her tenderly, held her. Seconds ticked by and the kiss grew hungrier, more desperate, hands grasping at clothes and skin possessively.

"Love you," he murmured, leaning forward, pushing her back, guiding her down.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

Her leg hitched up around his hips, her mouth on his as her teeth scraped, her voice low and begging. "Jack-"

Needing.

Wanting.

Her coat was off her left arm, and caught on the dressing on her right, but she didn't care, feeling the smooth leather of his pants against her bare calves.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ace," he whispered in reply, smoothing his hand over her body, down her arm, then back up her neck, holding her jaw as he kissed her again, his tongue delving in to tangle with hers.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She moaned into his mouth, her coat half-wadded up under her, and she tried to squirm out of it-

And yanked her head back hard enough that she whacked it against the ground, a high-pitched hiss of pain coming from her throat.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack backed off instantly. "What? What happened?"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"Arm. I fucked up my arm."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Shit. Right. The blood," he said, easing up off of her and looking around for where he'd dropped the rifle and nano tube. "Hold on. I brought the nanobots," he said, feeling around in the dim moonlight for the tube. It wasn't hard to find.

"Got it. Here...hold it out," he said, opening the tube.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She shimmied out of her jacket, pulling the bloody cloth off of her arm, and holding it out.

"...... Thanks?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

The glow of the nanos illumnated them both as they surrounded her wound and went to work. Her face was dirty and tear streaked, as he was sure his was too.

"You're beautiful," he murmured, looking at her, barely able to catch his breath.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

"You don't have to say that," she said quietly, staring at them work on her arm, not quite sure how to look at him.

He thought she was beautiful, somehow. That... that she was beautiful.

She didn't quite understand, but... accepted it.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He just watched her until the nanos returned to the tube and he sealed them back up.

"Ace," he said softly. "Shut up."

Then he reached out to hold her cheek and kiss her again.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

This kiss was sweeter - deeper, somehow, her body pressing to his as she leaned up, almost giving herself.

The low sound in her throat, the way her hands slid into his hair - this wasn't about the physical. This was about him and her.

Safety, friendship, and more then that.

About every bit of fucked up life they had with one another.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack felt like he could barely breathe, like he was drowning, like he was never going to need to breathe again. She was all over him, around him, through him. He moaned, almost a whimper, kissing her, his hands seeking more skin, more of her.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She didn't understand it. More then that, she didn't know if she wanted too- knowing instead of suspecting how he felt made her heart hurt, made her wish she could erase the knowledge entirely.

This wasn't fixing anything- especially since she still had to see Jamie, still had to talk to him.

But this... this was pure and good and him caring about her, and she knew it. Her mouth mated with his, her ankle hooked around his calf as she whimpered his name.

As she needed him. Not sex- was it ever just sex with them? But something more- that visceral belonging.

And she found, as all she could feel were hands and lips and the weight of him- That she didn't have to let herself think at all. "Jack-"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Mine," he whispered in return. Not her name, nothing else...just claiming her with his words and his hands, his kisses and all of his body. If they could have melted together into one right there on the jungle floor, he'd have been perfectly happy.