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more_flexibleJack had made a million promises without any intention of keeping them. His whole life before the island had been lies built on lies until even he couldn't tell what was truth anymore. The last truth he'd told before he died was to Rose.
You are worth fighting for. Even what he'd told the Doctor had been a lie. He didn't regret meeting him for a minute.
And then there was the island. He fell into bed, he fell in love, he fell head over heels for different people for different reasons. He loved the Doctor for a while. Loved House like he'd never imagined possible. He loved for the first time in his life and it was powerful and beautiful and destructive. He didn't love like anyone else. He loved Dale and Ace, loved Gwen and Ianto and Tosh and Owen. Loved Chase and Lisa and Jane and Stu and Dream and Del and Chris and Alcuin and he loved and loved and gave and gave and the one thing he wanted never seemed to come. The one person he should love, he didn't.
Jack hated himself. Every time he let himself think about all the people who had died at his hand or through his fault, all the people who suffered because he tortured them on purpose or just through his callous thoughtlessness, all those people. All the people here...
There were a few. He could count on Logan to always cut him deep and lash out when provoked. He could count on Wilson to always tear the vein and bleed him dry until he couldn't take another minute of the truth. He could always count on Maladicta to say no and no and no until she resorted to dropping him to his knees with a well placed punch. He loved them, too. Loved them and needed them so much it hurt.
It always hurt.
First House disappeared and when he returned it wasn't long before he was living with Wilson. He looked right past Jack, and that stole his breath and stopped his heart every single time. Ace stopped coming to sleep with him, spending her time with Ianto more and more until they finally got married and she moved out of the treehouse. The Doctor and Rob got married, too. Jack stood as best man and smiled the whole time. One day Jack met a man on the beach and brought him back to the compound and stood and smiled as Gwen kissed Rhys and cried and held him. Owen and Tosh worked out their differences and their similarities and when she was ready to give birth, Jack held her hand while Owen delivered their son. Jane and Stu had more kids than they knew what to do with and Jack often rubbed Jane's back and took their children for an afternoon. Lizzie was adorable, but Jack's favorite was always Lydia. Once in a while he went to see Dale, but after Billy died, Joe spent more and more time there until Jack knew soon he'd be standing for another wedding and smiling.
Life went on, weekends and storms and dinosaurs and zombie pygmies and infestations of giant rabbits and the droning monotony of the eternity of days and nights and before he knew it it had been ten years and he'd promised he wouldn't leave...
But everyone had left him.
He slept and woke, ate and showered and worked and dove for pearls. Everyone on the island knew they could count on Jack because he loved them. Lonely? Go see Harkness. Feel unattractive? Go see Harkness. Need help? Go see Harkness. He'd fucked everyone who would, flirted with anyone he spoke to, touched everyone once or twice. He was Uncle Jack to nearly every child on the island. He was a friend and lover and confidant and nemesis. He was what people needed when they needed it just as he'd always been. He was everywhere and nowhere, as ubiquitous a fixture of the island as the signpost.
And it took the residents over a week to notice they hadn't seen him, everyone assuming he was off doing something for someone else. His name went up on the memorial wall, and when Captain Jack Harkness arrived on the beach two months later with no memory of the island and warm smiles for Gwen and Tosh, a hug that felt like forgiveness for Owen, and a deep kiss for Ianto...and a blank look for the Doctor and everyone else, the island community continued much as it had without any mention of the man who had loved all of them and they'd just taken it for granted.
You are worth fighting for. Even what he'd told the Doctor had been a lie. He didn't regret meeting him for a minute.
And then there was the island. He fell into bed, he fell in love, he fell head over heels for different people for different reasons. He loved the Doctor for a while. Loved House like he'd never imagined possible. He loved for the first time in his life and it was powerful and beautiful and destructive. He didn't love like anyone else. He loved Dale and Ace, loved Gwen and Ianto and Tosh and Owen. Loved Chase and Lisa and Jane and Stu and Dream and Del and Chris and Alcuin and he loved and loved and gave and gave and the one thing he wanted never seemed to come. The one person he should love, he didn't.
Jack hated himself. Every time he let himself think about all the people who had died at his hand or through his fault, all the people who suffered because he tortured them on purpose or just through his callous thoughtlessness, all those people. All the people here...
There were a few. He could count on Logan to always cut him deep and lash out when provoked. He could count on Wilson to always tear the vein and bleed him dry until he couldn't take another minute of the truth. He could always count on Maladicta to say no and no and no until she resorted to dropping him to his knees with a well placed punch. He loved them, too. Loved them and needed them so much it hurt.
It always hurt.
First House disappeared and when he returned it wasn't long before he was living with Wilson. He looked right past Jack, and that stole his breath and stopped his heart every single time. Ace stopped coming to sleep with him, spending her time with Ianto more and more until they finally got married and she moved out of the treehouse. The Doctor and Rob got married, too. Jack stood as best man and smiled the whole time. One day Jack met a man on the beach and brought him back to the compound and stood and smiled as Gwen kissed Rhys and cried and held him. Owen and Tosh worked out their differences and their similarities and when she was ready to give birth, Jack held her hand while Owen delivered their son. Jane and Stu had more kids than they knew what to do with and Jack often rubbed Jane's back and took their children for an afternoon. Lizzie was adorable, but Jack's favorite was always Lydia. Once in a while he went to see Dale, but after Billy died, Joe spent more and more time there until Jack knew soon he'd be standing for another wedding and smiling.
Life went on, weekends and storms and dinosaurs and zombie pygmies and infestations of giant rabbits and the droning monotony of the eternity of days and nights and before he knew it it had been ten years and he'd promised he wouldn't leave...
But everyone had left him.
He slept and woke, ate and showered and worked and dove for pearls. Everyone on the island knew they could count on Jack because he loved them. Lonely? Go see Harkness. Feel unattractive? Go see Harkness. Need help? Go see Harkness. He'd fucked everyone who would, flirted with anyone he spoke to, touched everyone once or twice. He was Uncle Jack to nearly every child on the island. He was a friend and lover and confidant and nemesis. He was what people needed when they needed it just as he'd always been. He was everywhere and nowhere, as ubiquitous a fixture of the island as the signpost.
And it took the residents over a week to notice they hadn't seen him, everyone assuming he was off doing something for someone else. His name went up on the memorial wall, and when Captain Jack Harkness arrived on the beach two months later with no memory of the island and warm smiles for Gwen and Tosh, a hug that felt like forgiveness for Owen, and a deep kiss for Ianto...and a blank look for the Doctor and everyone else, the island community continued much as it had without any mention of the man who had loved all of them and they'd just taken it for granted.
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ooc
Date: 2007-02-09 01:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-09 01:25 pm (UTC)Gwen just... GOD. I can't even articulate it. She was really angry at first that anyone would suggest she'd leave him, and then... her stomach dropped right out, straight to the floor.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-09 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-09 03:56 pm (UTC)