[for Ianto re:Ace]

[more_flexible]

Jack-

I need time to think, because because while I meant everything everything I said yesterday I don't know why I told you. I- It's not something that I'm fine, and I know how to handle myself, so I'll be safe.

I know that you have what you have with Greg, and it was stupid there's more then enough challenges without me doing saying what I did. I'm sorry-

I- Tell Ianto I'm sorry too, will you? Things- Things happened there yesterday, too. I'm scared It'll be alright.

I love you Take care of yourself, alright?

Ace


It was pinned to her jacket, which she rarely left behind. She couldn't have gone far. He couldn't believe he'd slept deeply enough not to notice.

He held the note and read it over and over, then shook his head and went to his room to pull on jeans and boots, a t-shirt he didn't mind ruining, and a button down shirt in case it took more than one night to find her.

He left a note for everyone in the house, specific and vague at the same time and to the effect of Gone with Ianto to find Ace. Took Stu's gun. WILL return.

First stop was the Redman's hut where he told Stu what had happened and he gave over the M16 without any fuss. The Texan had insisted he take his backpack as well, so by the time he was at Ianto and Tosh's hut, he was ready to go.

"Ianto," he called, knocking hard. "Need your help...you in there?"

Comments

[coffee_sir]

Dropping the rucksack, Ianto moved to help Jack, unfolding the tarp and grabbing a spike. He paused as he started to secure the tent.

"... Well, does she know how to find us?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ianto, I don't know how to find us," he replied. "Maybe...God, she's pissed at me. I can finish this if you'll go look around for her. She can't have gotten far."

[coffee_sir]

Jack had a point, so Ianto nodded, leaving the spike and mallet for Jack to finish. He dug into the pack, fishing out a bottle of water for a quick drink, and then replaced it and nodded. "Be back."

He doubled back on the way they came, until he found the spot with Ace's bloody shirt and Jack's discarded one. Picking up both, Ianto then turned in the direction Ace had gone, going in mostly a straight line and listening carefully for any sound of her. "Ace?" he called occasionally, wondering if she'd even respond. "Ace!"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She was still crying, and rubbed at her eyes when she heard Ianto's voice, her own breath hiccuping as she tried to calm down. She stood, her arms wrapped around her bare stomach - she was covered with scratches and was incredibly thirsty - and felt like she was going to be sick again, almost. She didn't really say anything, moving towards his voice until she was just standing in the shadow of a tall tree, able to see him. "Ianto?"

She started to cry again when she said his name, her face turned away as she scrubbed at her tears with her knuckles.

[coffee_sir]

His head snapped in her direction once Ianto heard her voice, and he paused, just looking at her for a moment before shifting off his windbreaker. After walking closer, he stopped in front of her, sliding the jacket over her shoulders and resting his hands on her arms.

"I've no hankerchief this time, sorry," he said gently. "You still angry at us?"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She was shaking, whether it was from the jungle cooling down or emotion or lack of water (especially after she'd emptied her stomach) wasn't clear. "I- I wasn't angry." They were quiet words, and she'd pulled so far into herself literally and figuratively that it was just as bad as when she'd found the TARDIS - but this... this was about her, not about this place.

So perhaps it was worse?

"I need the water in my rucksack." She didn't look up at him, didn't really look up at all. "Can we go back?"

[coffee_sir]

"Of course," he said, still gentle and not about to mention that he was sent to fetch her. She wasn't pulling away from him, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he stepped to her side, pulling her a bit closer to him as they started to walk back in the direction he had come from. The light was starting to fade, but Ianto knew he could retrace his steps. He didn't do well in field situations, but he knew the mechanics of it.

"There are even some meal bars that taste packed dirt, if you'd like."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She actually flinched when he touched her, and almost seemed to curl smaller - not into him, but into herself as his arm slipped around her shoulder. She shook her head mutely when he offered the mealbars, and it didn't take long for them to get close enough to see the flickering firelight - and Ace actually balked for just a moment, opening her mouth to say something until she shook her head slightly and moved forward. She looked like hell, and she was focusing on the water - not on the person who made the fire, presumably.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack had slipped the overshirt back on and was sitting by the fire, poking it idly. He was worried, going over what he'd do if neither of them came back soon. Charging around the night time jungle had never been something he'd enjoyed.

But when he heard them coming back, he didn't even look up. Now that two pairs of footsteps were closing in, there was a new batch of worries.

Without a word, he reached down and picked up a bottle of water and held it out.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She paled even further, and didn't even notice as Ianto's hand rubbed her shoulder for a moment before he was gone. She reached for the bottle with a shaking hand, and her eyes flickered over his bent head for a moment. He'd not said a word, or even looked at her-

She needed to leave.

He didn't want her here - why would he, after she'd punched him- She took the water, her throat working as she downed almost all of it - and then hiccoughed, turning her head as she tried not to choke and- damnit, the tears started again. She covered her mouth with a hand, and very quietly just said five words, curled back into herself, backing up a step.

"I'm sorry. I can leave."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I wish you wouldn't," he said, looking up at her. "Stop running from me, Ace. Last night was the first time you haven't pulled away. Please."

Jack stood and reached out to brush a tear from her cheek. "We came after you because we care about you. It might not be some fairy tale love story, but we're not made for that, right? Not after the Doctor. Not when you know the monsters are real."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She flinched again, and looked up at him, searching for something in his eyes. "I- It-" She shook her head slightly, pressing her lips together for just a moment. "It hurts-" She looked back down, and didn't even know what to say. What to do. She didn't want this to be all wrong anymore - didn't want it to hurt and sting and make it feel like there was a gaping hole in her chest where her heart was.

"What's wrong with me? Why-" She forced herself to say the words, her voice catching again and again as she tried to just not sob. "Why not me? What's- what's wrong with me? I- I'm stupid- I don't understand, and- and it hurts. I know- I know I'm not enough-" She kept trying to find reasons for it in her head. Reasons, and why it shouldn't matter, and why- and why she shouldn't want it in the first place.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ace," he said softly, cupping her cheek and stepping closer, the heat of his body and of the fire radiating off the bare skin. "There's nothing wrong with you. If I was a different man...if I could make you really happy..."

Jack shook his head and looked at Ianto, nodding almost imperceptibally to get him to come closer. "I know it hurts, Ace. I know. But I need you to do something. Something for yourself. Something for Ianto and me."

He paused and hoped beyond hope that Ianto would understand.

"Tell us what you want...and if you can't say it, just take it, baby."

[coffee_sir]

Ianto was watching quietly as he had done before, catching the motion of Jack's, knowing to step forward. He was at the side of either of them, and placed his hand lightly on Ace's back. A glance was spared to Jack before his attention fully centered on Ace.

"We don't want you to hurt, Ace. Anything that we can do to make it better, just let us know."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She was trembling under his fingers. "W-what if you could- j-just for-" She looked away. "I- I can't- Jack, Ianto, I-" She couldn't- She couldn't even say it, that maybe- maybe they could try, and see if it could work- Or-

She couldn't ask him for that. Couldn't take it, even. He- He was with Greg, and- and it was so important to him- "You- you can't. Wouldn't." She forced a smile, that little piece of a person's mind that they crudely called the 'heart' almost visibly cracking. "And- And I- I can't- Not- not when-" She touched his cheek with shaking fingers, barely holding it together. "I-" She swallowed hard, wishing- wishing she could do it. I love you. Love me. Just try, for me.

She should leave. Somehow leave and just stay away and not- not be near people, not hurt anyone, not get herself hurt-

She wished she could be selfish, that she could just take and that it wouldn't matter - but... but it all mattered. And that- and that he didn't just- that he didn't want- that it was- that he was trying to fix her, which is why he offered-

That hurt more, somehow. That she was so broken that he had to offer this thing that he didn't want, that he was willing to mess up everything he'd tried for just because she was that messed up-

She looked back at Ianto, that utter hopelessness in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Ianto. About earlier. I- I don't know why-" She shook her head, and looked back at Jack. "I- I'm not- I'm not what you want, Jack." She was trying to keep her voice steady, but it'd dropped to a whisper, that spark that made her her just... gone from her eyes.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

What if he could? What if?...It wasn't like he didn't want to. Wasn't like it was as easy to be in bed next her and do nothing.

Sometimes he just wanted to shake her til she rattled. Didn't she listen? Couldn't she tell? Jack felt her trembling and saw the light in her eyes was just the fire. If he lost her...if this was the only moment he'd ever have with Ace...

He stopped thinking about it.

"What I want..." he started, then he kissed her again, completely ready to take it on the chin this time, but he couldn't let her go without proving her wrong. She was exactly what he wanted. Maybe not the only thing, and he knew that wasn't fair to her, but he wanted her. Had wanted her for months.

He wrapped his free arm around her waist until he could catch Ianto and keep him close, too. He'd taken it back, the whole 'touch her and I'll kill you' thing. He wanted Ianto to know he meant it.

[coffee_sir]

Ianto's mind boggled at how the hell this happened, exactly. The kiss hadn't worked the first time, and Ianto doubted it would work the second, but pulling away wasn't an option. He'd stepped forward, and Jack was making sure he wouldn't step back, not that he would.

Still, it wasn't as if he were in this situation on a regular basis and was a little lost as to what to do. His hand traveled up her back, so that once her kiss with Jack was broken, Ianto leaned in, cupping the side of her face lightly, and kissed her as well.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

Ace leaned up into that kiss, her hand lost in Jack's hair, her lips so bittersweet against his until she pulled back, hot tears slipping down her cheeks. She opened her mouth to say something - something like I don't want you to do this if you don't want too Or- or something, but then- then Ianto's hand was cupping her cheek, and then there was that gentle touch of lips and she'd half-turned, sagging to lean against Jack, her other hand slipping up to Ianto's hair.

She didn't even know what was happening, but- but they wanted- they wanted this? Wanted- Wanted her?

Just once. Just once can't hurt, to give in and just take what they're offering, just this once. She pulled back, mururing against his lips. "Just- just this once-"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

As she kissed Ianto, Jack dropped his lips to her neck, working his way down her bare shoulder.

"Once," he agreed. His hand skimmed over smooth skin, tracing the curve of her back. The other released the desperate hold on Ianto and slid down to cup his ass. This was probably a phenomenally bad idea...for some reason that completely escaped him. All he could think about was how she smelled, tasted, how she looked as the flames flicked and danced turning all three of them into shadows of themselves.

[coffee_sir]

Ianto hummed his wordless agreement, nodding once before pressing his lips to Ace's again, a deeper kiss this time. This was probably a horrible idea, but if this was what Ace wanted, just once, Ianto couldn't deny her. He'd take the consequences. His free hand slid under Jack's shirt, eager to touch and to skim along the warm skin of his lower back.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She whimpered softly, trapped between them as she turned more against Jack, her back pressed to his chest as she leaned up to actually kiss Ianto, before- well, before she pulled back, and she looked over her shoulder at Jack, then back at Ianto. "I- I haven't-" He needed to know. Jack already did, but-

She did look back at Jack, then, stark vunerability in her eyes. "Are you sure? I-" She wanted this, but- "Only if you're sure. B-Both of you." That part still- well. She... she supposed that it was one way to do things, and- and if they both wanted it - wanted her-

And even though it would hurt because, God, she still loved him, maybe she could have that little piece and that wondering why he didn't want her could go away.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure," Jack replied, kisses still falling on her shoulders. "And I know you haven't. You can always change your mind, Ace." He looked over her shoulder at Ianto and smiled softly. "That sound right, Ianto?"

[coffee_sir]

Caressing her cheek, Ianto nodded, gaze flicking up to Jack, then back to Ace. "I'm sure," he said. "And anytime you want this to stop, you just say so. This is about you."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

This is about you.

Ace flushed, and looked back at Jack again, and then at Ianto, trying to decide- Trying... Trying to figure it out. Would it hurt them, in the end? Would it hurt her? She wanted this so much - wanted to be wanted, wished for it, even.

She looked up at Ianto, and it took several tries for the words to slip from her lips, but- "Please?" She ran her fingers featherlight over his jaw, her eyes searching his. She didn't know how to move, how to start things so that- so that it was alright. "I'm not... sure what I should do." What's allowed, what's not- and... and if they'd- If they'd go that far.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack stepped back first, letting go of them both but offering his hands. "Let's go into the tent. I made up a bed," he said softly. "And then, Ace, just do what you feel. There's no making mistakes."

Well, there was. There were huge mistakes all the time. But not here or now or this.