The Day After

[more_flexible]

Yesterday had been going so well. Jack had his pimp on, curled up with the Doctor, Izzie, and Jaime, and so many people had joined in watching Casablanca. But afterward...

He didn't want to think about it.

They had fought. It seemed like it began with the Doctor not approving of Jaime, but eventually it was clear that wasn't what it was about at all. He knew he shouldn't dwell on the missing time, knew that it didn't do any good. Knew it was eating him up.

Jack flopped back on the sofa and put his feet up as the jukebox ever-so-appropriately began to play the blues. Some of the songs, Jack even knew already.

Comments

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Most of the morning the Cylon had spent working out and after showering, he had decided to see what new horrors could be found on the bookshelf.

He didn't really look around until he started listening the the jukebox. Born under a bad sign. I've been down since I began to crawl. If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all.

...Frak that.

Leoben decided to forget about books and music. Humans were more interesting so he'd join Jack on the couch. "Hello again."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Hey, Leoben," Jack replied, no sign of the ubiquitous smile or usual charm. He didn't even move, he just laid there with his fingers laced behind his head, listening to the rhythm of the blues.

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben gently touched Jack's shoulder. "More dreams?" he asked quietly, concerned but not too alarmed. He knew from personal experience that it was hard to be charming all the time.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"No. Yes, but...no. It's nothing. Just a fight."

He unlaced his fingers and stretched his arm to touch Leoben back out of habit.

From the day that I met you
My world's been all pain
I thought that I left you
But here you are again...

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben accepted the touch and then slowly brushed his fingers over Jack's neck. "All shall be well." That was more comforting than All of this has happened before; all of this will happen again.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, probably," he replied, looking up at Leoben, something else he'd said sticking in his memory. "Leoben...you love somebody, right?"

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

"Yes," Leoben said, making an effort not to look happy at the thought of the somebody he loved.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Is...is it supposed to hurt and not stop when you fight?" he asked simply; looking up at Leoben with a look in his eyes of someone completely confused.

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben blinked and rubbed his forehead. "Usually I let her win the fights." Here on the island there was no real advantage in making Starbuck hurt. In fact, he did his damndest to avoid it.

"I don't know if you've met her but Six and I used to fight all the time when we first got here. It hurt and... Well, it's complicated for us. I guess at the time we fought because we were just so scared of what was happening to use here."

Because they both loved each other and the simple fact that they were never going to be together. Leoben had accepted that a long time ago but it hurt. The way she broke when he paid more attention to someone else, the way he ached because she had always been waiting for Gaius.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I know Six," he replied, the hint of a smile creeping across his mouth. "I...I love someone, but it's not like most people think about love. I knew him before and we're friends and I...I hate that...I don't even know. I've never loved anybody," he said, trying and failing spectacularly to explain.

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

"I thought you would," Leoben said with a smirk and something like pride in his eyes. "She was made for doing what you like to do."

He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to piece together what Jack was saying and trying to figure out all that he wasn't saying.

"So you two love each other in some way that doesn't involve commiting to each other." Leoben sort of envied Jack and the other guy that but he had come to see the benefit in committing to Kara. "And then you fought. Why?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack looked away sheepishly, "I don't know. I heard something he wasn't saying. I didn't like that he didn't like Jaime when he met him. I don't like that he won't tell me things about the girl who travelled with us. I think, really, I don't want to love him because everyone I've ever known who loved someone changes. I don't want to change any more than I already have for him."

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben snorted and lightly ruffled Jack's hair. "I'm really pleased by your faith in my ability to read your mind, but you might have to give me more details someday."

"As for changing..." He sighed quietly, thinking about how much he had changed. About how much he'd let this island and its humans change him.

"A person has to change because they want to change, because there's a compelling reason to change. Maybe it's because you have a chance to change and you wouldn't be the first person here that feels that.

But a person can't change because someone else thinks something is wrong with them. Now, a person can compromise but... You have to be careful that it's not just one person bending over backwards while the other does whatever they want."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You mean you can't read my mind?" he asked flatly before breaking into a genuine smile. "I'm not sure what I'm talking about. I've never, never in my life, had anyone I trusted so much or knew so well. Usually, before, I'd do what I had to and get out. This is uncharted space for me."

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

"No, I can't but... He feels the same way?"

Leoben couldn't really judge the human seeing as he was madly in love with a woman who still occasionally refered to his as 'toaster.' It was more that he did thought that relationships had to balance out.

He also had issues with trust and knowing people particularly men but that was all probably an unfortunate side-effect of the very unpleasantly, painful falling out he'd had with John Crichton. The rejection had hurt but it was the thinking he had know John so well that had just killed him a little. Thinking that the generousity and friendship was special when it was really just what John gave to most people. He had been so angry, so hurt, and so desperate for so long.

"It's important that you know he does," he added quietly.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"He does."

That's all there was to it. Except it wasn't, and Jack blinked a few times before moving his arm back behind his head.

"I know he does, but we're just friends. We've been friends a long time now...hmmm...that's uncharted space, too. I never had anyone I'd really call friend except for him until I arrived here. Him and Rose, anyhow."

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben sighed a little and shook his head, confused completely now. That didn't sound like friends. He had learned the hard way that you didn't sleep with your friends. "Maybe you should backtrack and tell me about the argument?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. "Where to begin? Um...I died and came back to life but he left me...entirely alone on a space station two hundred thousand years in the future, I should add...so then I came here and he showed up later, and Rose didn't come with him and I'd like to know what happened but whatever it is must be bad because he won't talk about it."

He took a breath and tugged at his hair a little before looking over at Leoben. "I think I'm jealous of him. Envy's a sin or something, right?"

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

"He left you?" Leoben frowned. He supposed it would help if Jack had some sort of word for what he was with the Doctor. It sounded like they were frakbuddies but Jack was reading too much into it. However, Leoben couldn't tell because a) he didn't know the Doctor at all and b) Jack wasn't very good at explaining things which was endearing but unhelpful.

"Jack..." The Cylon sighed heavily. "Envy is the least of your problems at the moment."

He suddenly felt very old like he usually did whenever he talked to Newbie. "You say you know and trust him, but do you? And if you do...how and why? And does that make you unique or special to this guy? Does he do this to other people?"

He didn't think a person should give away so much of themselves let alone the best parts of themselves if they weren't getting something back for their trouble.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Uh...yes? I used to, but here he's different. Everyone's human here and he wasn't before. Other than that, he's the same. I trust him more than anyone. He's...hmm...he's not afraid of me, for one. He knows all my secrets except the ones that I don't know either."

He had to sit up; if he was going to talk about the Doctor, he had to look into Leoben's eyes because he really didn't know how to explain it.

"He left me to save Rose. He loves me because I know who he was and I don't treat him any differently now. I call him on his bullshit...but I'd do anything he asked. Really," he quirked his mouth into a half smile, "he wouldn't even have to ask."

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben didn't look any less confused. "Who the hell is it who told you there's something in you that people should be afraid of?" It better not have been Jack's friend.

"And okay... You do what he asks and what does he do exactly?" he added in a calmer tone of voice. The Doctor had to do something to deserve this level of devotion when the man seemed to be more interested in Rose than Jack. "Why did you argue with him yesterday or today if you do what he tells you to?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Eyebrows rose high and Jack didn't know what to do but laugh nervously. "Two years of my memory were erased by the people I used to work for. I'm not entirely sure what I'm capable of, but I didn't used to be a very nice person, Leoben. Not at all," he admitted as he looked down at his hands. His nails were a mess.

"He does...he...he's the Doctor. He showed me how to be a better person. When I joined them, I had a real purpose. I stopped being a coward and...I'm a better person because of him. He makes me want to be good. He makes me feel," he paused and took a deep breath, looking up with a smitten grin. "He makes me feel."

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

"Whatever you did, it can't be that bad," the Cylon said. "And it can't be as bad as what I did." His people pretty much cornered the market on evil masterplans.

And yes but are you special to him?, Leoben wanted to know. What is it you make him feel? "You should be careful," he advised, wary because Jack didn't seem to be wary at all. The Doctor had to be a decent person but Jack didn't seem to be ranking extremely high on the guy's priority list.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I've never been careful, Leoben," he teased, smirking at the man. He knew he should probably listen. It was love that usually got him in trouble...coming between couples and such. Not everyone was so amiable as his executioners had been.

"Why do you say that? What would I have to be careful for?"

[seer-of-god.livejournal.com]

Leoben eyed Jack for a moment before pointing to the human's chest, letting his fingers rest over the human's heart. "You feel and you feel good, but sometimes addictions don't last. Sometimes this breaks."