for greg

[more_flexible]

There were new babies. He'd been dimly aware of what was going on as he laid in the bed in the clinic, but between the lingering pain and the drugs Beverly had him on, Jack had simply rolled over and gone back to sleep. He had no clue what day it was, or what time. He just knew that there was always someone around, checking on his blood pressure, checking his IV, checking...whatever. He didn't care. He just wanted to quit feeling like shit.

Logan had gone off to shower or eat or maybe sleep in a real bed. He wasn't sure. All he knew was that when he wanted a drink, he had to try to sit up and reach for the cup on his own. His arm jerked and his hand clenched and the cup fell to the floor. Marvelous.

He laid back down. Maybe if he stayed asleep, he wouldn't be thirsty. Maybe one of the doctors would come soon. Maybe, if he closed his eyes and acted like he was asleep, that phantom vision of House he sometimes saw would appear and pick the cup up. Right. Jack was pretty sure every vision he'd had of House was just wishful thinking. Just dreams that came and went with the fever and sleep and headache. There was no way House would come in just to see him. It had to be the drugs he was on.

He lay still and closed his eyes, trying to fall back asleep. Half the time he was like this, he was wide awake, just listening.

Comments

[misanthrope_md]

It was stupid.

House didn't know why he was even here. If Jack was going to die, it would have been two days ago. It would be unpleasant from here, but he was in no real danger. Hell, by the time House had even found out about it, things were pretty much under control. Not that that had stopped him from feeling like his stomach had dropped to his ankles when he'd gotten there and seen Jack looking like that. He'd pulled Beverly aside and grilled her until he was satisfied that everything had been done that he would have done.

Not to mention that despite the not-quite-diagnosis ("jellyfish sting" did not count, in House's opinion, especially when he didn't have welts), anything that did fit couldn't be treated with anything on the island anyway. And there was always a doctor on duty to check his blood pressure and monitor his sedation.

No, there wasn't really any reason for House to be here. But he felt like he'd become some sort of covert operative, ostensibly working in the lab while actually just keeping an eye on the clinic so that he could sneak in every time he saw Logan get up for food or to go to the bathroom, or nod off. Assuming Jack was asleep, that is, which was most of the time.

Now was another one of those times. He stood by Jacks bed, watching his steady breathing, frustrated as hell that there was nothing he could do to fix this. Of course, right now he probably looked almost as bad as Jack, partly due to having barely slept, and partly due to not having been back to the hut, or to the drug stash hidden by his motorcycle.

He brought his fingertips to Jack's wrist, checking his pulse, but then his hand just lingered there.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

It was a common occurrence so he didn't even move as whoever it was took his pulse. But when the fingers remained, he opened his eyes slowly. No way an imaginary House would be this close, taking his pulse and just standing over him.

He rasped, trying to say something, but his throat was still sore and raw from the futile cries and whimpers before and between the medication Beverly had made up. He blinked slowly, finding focus through sleep and drugs. Yeah...this time it really was House.

[misanthrope_md]

After a second of standing there, House had looked down, his eyes flicking down to Jack's chest, bare and uncovered by the blanket since he was still sweating a little. His gaze lingered on the small patch of hives near his heart. He remembered reading cases of people stung by jellyfish and stingrays in the heart, dead on the spot.

"Goddamnit, Jack," he muttered, his voice shaking almost imperceptively, "You're... an idiot." Except the tone really didn't match his words, except the note of surprise at the end when he realized that Jack was awake.

He yanked his hand away like he'd been burned.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack nodded, drowsy and drugged, managing a small shrug. "So I hear," he replied. He swallowed hard, amazed at how dry his mouth was when every inch of skin seemed damp.

"I didn't mean to. Just...happened. M'sorry," he continued, his words coming slowly, held up as they tried to pass the narcotics on their way out.

[misanthrope_md]

House shook is head, gaze drifting up to Jack's face again. "I'm sorry I can't do anything," he mumbled, figuring Jack probably wouldn't remember this conversation anyway.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's okay, Greg. It's not bad anymore. Still hurts, but I'll live," Jack said. He gestured to where the glass had been, his arm jerking sharply as he moved it. He sighed in annoyance, but he was too medicated to express just how frustrated he was.

"Like last time, huh? At least I can talk to ask you for water. And you're prob'ly not gonna fuck me, huh? Remember that? That was a long time ago."

[misanthrope_md]

Actually, that was something that House had been trying very hard not to think about, from the moment he'd seen Jack lying there.

"Not that long," he muttered, then, "I'll get you some water," and turned.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Don't leave," he said more loudly than he'd intended. "Tell me I'm an idiot or something, but don't go. Don't..."

Jack struggled to sit up, the effort of it proving too much. He fell back onto the pillow and looked up at House before he reached up to wipe sweat from his forehead.

"I feel like crap," he admitted.

[misanthrope_md]

House turned back around, slowly, slumping just a little.

"You should. You almost died."

There was a noticeable pause before he added, "And you don't need me here. I'm sure Logan will be back any minute." Almost without thinking, he picked up a cloth from the table beside Jack and wiped Jack's forehead.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't even know when he left. He should go sleep in a real bed. Take a break or something," Jack replied, the irony of the words lost on him. So many people had told him to take a break when House was going through withdrawal, but he'd never listened. It was a pointless suggestion, just like it was pointless to say it to Logan.

"I almost died," he agreed...or maybe simply repeated. "Daleks hurt worse, but this lasted longer. I think I asked someone to kill me and just get it over with..."

[misanthrope_md]

"Yeah. I remember that feeling."

House's eyes flicked to the door, because he really did think that Logan was going to be back any minute.

"You should try to sleep through it."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He reached up and caught House's arm before he pulled the cloth away and tried to pull him closer. His grip was weak, nothing like what it normally was.

"I've been sleeping. I keep dreaming that you're here. You know what happened? What did this? They said it was a jellyfish, but I swear there wasn't one in the water. I didn't see anything."

[misanthrope_md]

"I'm sure you have better things to dream about than me."

Then House's forehead wrinkled a little. "Nothing? Are you sure you just didn't notice?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I go every Friday," he said flatly. "I know what a jellyfish looks like. There was nothing in the water, Greg. It was like I got a mosquito bite and then I had a headache...and by the time I got to Logan's I wanted to die."

[misanthrope_md]

House found himself running through everything he knew about jellyfish in his head which, regrettably, wasn't as much as he would have liked at that moment.

"I'll figure it out," he said, sounding very sure of himself. For the first time in the conversation, really.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack watched him for a moment before he smiled. "You don't know already?" he asked. "Been a while since there's been a puzzle, huh?"

The spark of happiness and affection was fleeting, though. He closed his eyes as his stomach did a slow roll, then started to growl. He'd been so nauseated for so long that he didn't even know the last time he'd eaten. At least it wasn't the way he'd felt before, though.

"Can I have that water now?"

[misanthrope_md]

A flicker of concern flickered across House's face for a split second before he nodded. He walked across the clinic and poured a glass of water, then hesitated before going over to behind one of the doors to pick up a guitar case with his other hand, leaving his cane. He limped slowly back to Jack and handed him the water, then pulled up a chair beside him and sat.

"If you're not going to sleep I guess the least I can do is distract you for a while."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't think I'm supposed to get a hand jo--oh. You've got a guitar," Jack drawled, clearly high on whatever Bev had made up for him. Sitting up much was out of the question, but he managed to turn his head and get a small sip.

"Whose guitar?"

[misanthrope_md]

House ignored that first part, even though it again brought to mind the last time Jack had been laid up in the clinic.

"Mine," he said, taking the black acoustic out of the case. "I guess it's my thanks for putting up with this shithole for another year gift."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's pretty," he said, looking at the guitar. The way the light played on the surface was hypnotic and Jack stared at the instrument, the strings, and finally House's hands.

"I love when you play," he mused. "Love your hands. Love how you sing." He went quiet for a moment, a million thoughts and memories whirling together so fast that when he blinked slowly, his head rolled to the side. "Love you..."

When Jack opened his eyes again, he looked at House as if he hadn't said anything out loud at all. He smiled just a fraction.

"I know Led Zeppelin because of you."

[misanthrope_md]

House blinked, unsure for a moment if he'd heard what he thought he'd heard.

Not that it mattered. Jack was doped up out of his mind. He'd probably say the same thing to a house plant.

"I consider that a great contribution," he said, and played the opening riff to 'Over the Hills and Far Away.'

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I know that one," Jack drawled. "Something...you got the love I need...something," he sang weakly, then gave up with a vague wave of his hand.

[misanthrope_md]

House's lips twitched a little at that, and he looked up at the door again to make sure no one was coming before he started to sing softly. "Lady... you've got the love I need. Maybe... more than enough. Oh, darlin', darlin', darlin', walk a while with me..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He rocked his head slowly as House played and sang. A hint of a smile curved the corner of his mouth and with effort he managed to focus on the man singing.

"I love your voice," he said quietly. "I miss you singing to me. Talking to me. And your hands. I love..."

Something told him he shouldn't be saying any of this out loud. Not now, not ever. He had a feeling he should just keep everything to himself like he'd been doing for months, but he was exhausted and whatever Beverly had given him made him feel fantastic--or maybe he couldn't feel at all. Either way, he didn't have any hesitation spouting the truth.

[misanthrope_md]

House didn't stop playing, looking down at his hands and the guitar as he did so, so it was nearly inaudible when he muttered, "Yeah, Jack, I love you too, now don't say anything you're going to regret in the morning." Probably wouldn't remember this anyway.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Between the music and the sound of his own voice, Jack hardly heard him. Just the few words that made his breath catch.

"I miss you, Greg," he said, his speech slowing down. "Hope you're happy. I keep trying to talk to you. Didn't mean to kiss you, but you're so...you. I just need to tell you before I die. Okay?"

[misanthrope_md]

House hit a wrong note, then cleared his throat. Trying not to look at Jack.

"You're not going to die," he said. "I wouldn't let you. You fucking well know that nothing would happen to you on my watch."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Another drowsy blink and Jack nodded a little more emphatically. "I hoped. Hoped you wouldn't hate me so much. You fix me. You always fixed me."

[misanthrope_md]

House's fingers picked at the strings, some unrecognizable tune. "Yeah, well, you and I did a lot of that. Fixing... and breaking... and fixing..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Broke us too well the last time," he admitted as the heavy need to sleep wrapped around him. "M'sorry, Greg. Never loved anyone before like I loved you."

[misanthrope_md]

House couldn't help himself. The question left his lips before he even realized that he didn't want to know the answer. "And now?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He heard but was already half asleep. It took a minute to process the question before he answered honestly without conscious thought.

"I love you. Never stops. Told Logan...he's scared I'll...go backward."

[misanthrope_md]

"Yeah, well I don't see what would be so terrible about that," House muttered.

In theory, at least. After all, there was a reason he and Jack weren't together. And it had something to do with... right, Jack being a total asshole. It was getting easier and easier to forget.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

What would be terrible about that? For a second, or maybe it was an hour--who knew, Jack imagined how nice it might be to be selfish and have them both. But then reality crept into his daydream and he could picture Logan's glare and House's disapproving scowl and everything fell apart.

"Cause I'm in love with him," he said softly, slow but absolutely clear. "I should tell him that."

[misanthrope_md]

House felt like someone had just punched him in the stomach. Hard.

Every response on the tip of his tongue was either cruel or pathetic, so he simply bit them back.

"You should get some sleep," he said, looking down to put his guitar back in the case.

And when he looked up again, Jack was already asleep.