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more_flexibleThere wasn't much that could be done, so with his wrist freshly bandaged, some paracetamol for pain, and a pack of ice, Jack went away with orders to rest. Really rest. It was something he wasn't going to dispute. He was tired. The disorientation, nausea, and pain were all of concern and just like off the island the only real treatment was time. Before he would leave, he insisted on a shower- The smell of the cave clung to his clothes and lingered in his nose. It was revolting.
As they returned to the hut, Jack reached for Linus slowly and dragged his fingertips along the curve of the dog's head, then went straight to the bed. It was a bit of a shock to him that the dog followed, sniffing and snuffling and whimpering a little at Jack's lack of enthusiasm.
"Can you help me take my shirt off?" he asked, giving up any semblance of self-reliance. He wanted to sleep and he'd gladly let Logan do things if it meant he could lay down.
"Yeah, of course," Logan said softly, gently pushing Linus back a little and then helping Jack undress. He was careful not to seem too helpful though, doing his best to make it seem like Jack was doing most of the work. It seemed now more than ever, Jack needed to be reminded of how strong he was.
The shirt fell to the floor and Linus inched closer again, nuzzling Jack's good hand and licking his fingers, as if he could sense that the other man was anything but okay.
Logan started to open Jack's jeans as well, popping open the button before moving so Jack could pull down the fly. "Lay down, I'm going to get you some water."
He sat on the edge of the bed and worked his feet free of the denim and tossed his jeans aside before laying down. He was up a moment later and reached for the ice pack to rest it against the back of his head when he laid on his side to watch Logan. Linus paced back and forth and then jumped onto the bed and settled near Jack's feet, watching the man intently.
Jack hardly noticed his companion. Logan grew blurry and then vanished altogether when his eyes fell shut. This was all he'd wanted. Home. His home with his things and his bed and his Logan. There was nothing bad here. Hell, there was nothing bad on this island. He could handle anything. Jack muttered as he moved through the half-awake haze just before sleep and Linus inched closer and whined.
Logan returned a moment later with a glass of water, putting it down before starting to strip down to his boxers. The only place he wanted to be was beside Jack, looking after him, and he settled in. He really wasn't sure Jack should be sleeping, and when Linus started crying and nudging Jack's leg with his nose, Logan didn't stop him.
"I think he's worried about you," he said quietly, stroking Jack's hair as he spoke.
"S'okay, Linus," Jack answered, reaching blindly for the dog, his hand off the edge of the bed since he expected the lab to be down there. He was tired, sure, but what was truly doing him in, what was keeping him sedate and just on the cusp of sleep, was the way Logan's fingers felt. The fastest way to make him relaxed and utterly docile was to toy with his hair like that. There was nothing for it...Logan had him in such a state that he could have done most anything.
"Don't worry. Just tired. Logan's here so it's okay. Handsome hero on the case...what could go wrong?" he quipped.
"Hardly a hero," Logan replied. "I'll take handsome though," he said, pressing a soft kiss to Jack's forehead and making room when Linus inched closer still. The large yellow dog curled up against Jack's legs, settling in but clearly not convinced yet that Jack was okay.
"Get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up," he insisted, deciding that Jack needed it. "I'll be beside you. You'll be fine."
Jack drifted off quickly. He hadn't needed Logan's command, although it was the last straw that had him stop resisting it. His breathing evened out and with the warmth of two bodies against him, he was truly asleep in just moments.
Minutes ticked by and time stretched out as Jack slept. For a long time he was still, the sleep hard and deep and dreamless, but then he began to twitch and whimper, growing gradually louder and more active until he gasped and screamed, sitting up from the bed. He was drenched in sweat and looked around the dim room with wild eyes, not really seeing where he was. The dream clung too tightly and he was sure he was in the cave and only hallucinating the room.
Logan hadn't fallen asleep, his back against the headboard with a book in his hands. He dropped it when Jack sat up, startled by the other man's sudden movement. Even Linus seemed to tense, growling softly at nothing in particular, before relaxing and getting to his feet. He padded over slowly, sniffing Jack before whining softly and licking the other man's cheek as Logan moved to rub his back.
"Hey, it's alright, calm down," he said quietly, watching the other man closely as he spoke. "Whatever it was- it was just a dream," he promised.
Too busy gasping for breath, Jack tore at the cord around his neck. The bullet had slipped around and hung down his back and the cord holding it around his neck was more than enough to aggravate his distress.
"Just a dream," he repeated, his mouth so dry that his tongue stuck to the roof and the words themselves sounded parched. Jack's chest heaved and expanded rapidly, but he calmed down incrementally. "Right. A dream. Didn't feel like a dream."
Logan's gut twisted as he watched Jack claw at the necklace, and he hesitated before reaching over and unknotting the cord and slipping it from around Jack's throat before carefully setting it aside. A beat later and he was lifting the glass of water from where he'd set it aside, holding it out in offering.
"Was it him?" he asked softly. "Did you dream about him?"
"No. Just the cave," he replied, taking the cup to drink deeply. Of course, dreaming of the cave meant he was dreaming of him, even if he hadn't made an appearance. Even if it was only worst parts of darkness and bondage, he was there. Ranting in shadow across the space, bleeding and laughing that desperate maniacal laugh.
"But...sort of. I guess. The cave- That weekend. It all rolls together," Jack admitted once the water was gone. "I'm...sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry, you haven't done anything wrong," Logan said, looking over at the necklace he'd taken from around Jack's neck, and eventually slipping it around his own for safe keeping. "Jack, what happened to you that weekend- it's normal to be upset about it, even now. It doesn't make you weak, and it definitely doesn't make you a burden. It makes you just as human as the rest of us. You can't be a hero all the time, no one expects you to be."
Wetting his lips, Logan looked down at his hands before turning his over to Jack again. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
"No!" he huffed, on the verge of laughing. The last thing he really wanted was to talk about it. That answer didn't carry much weight, though. He tipped the glass back and the last drop trickled onto his tongue before Jack took a breath and laid back down.
"I made a mistake," he started. "I thought he'd changed his mind, you know? I kept flirting with him, then it was mostly just a joke, so when he said yes I was...surprised. And I followed him." That was how the tale began and he didn't once look at Logan, even going so far as to drape his arm over his face partway through the explanation. The only time he'd come close to admitting just how little control he'd had and how he'd felt was with Catherine and even then he'd artfully danced around it. As the words flowed freely, Jack let it all out, the scent and the darkness and the rope. Logan knew the things Jack willingly talked about, but these were things he'd never told...well, he'd had to write it down when he had no voice so there were a few who knew. Ray, Chase, House, the Doctor. But those had been words on a page. By the time he finished telling Logan, tears slipped slowly fro the corners of his eyes, across his temples and into his sweat damp hair. It sounded so much worse than simple written words.
Logan was silent, afraid to make a sound or interrupt the other man in anyway. He wanted to hear what had happened, he wanted to try and understand, and he knew once Jack stopped, he wasn't likely to start talking again.
When the other man finally went quiet, Logan reached over and gently wiped the tears from Jack's cheeks, closing his eyes as he settled in at his side and kissed his forehead. The arm that slipped around him was protective, a silent promise that he was there, and that nothing bad would happen. Not now. Not tonight. He knew there was nothing he could do to take away the memories or the pain, nothing he could say that would make it all better, he could only be there, silent and solid, willing to listen and ready to give anything Jack needed from him.
"I'm sorry," he said finally. "Jack- I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve to suffer like that." He kissed the other man's cheek again, pulling him gently towards himself so he could hold him. "I love you,' he whispered softly. "I love you, and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. I swear."
The thing was, Jack was fairly certain now that he did deserve it on some level. This place and all the things that happened, the vanishings and the pains...they were eked out so slowly that Jack could be here for a long, long life and he might atone for a fraction of the horrible things he'd done and all the people he'd left.
"I love you, too," he said, his throat tight and his chest aching. "I...it's just...I haven't gone into the caves since then. And that hole, the way it smelled and just how dark it was..." He paused and laughed bitterly, shaking his head a little. "How fucking funny is it that space is as black as it gets and I can't handle a little hole in the ground?"
"It's not the same, even I know it's not the same," Logan said, his voice calm and soothing. "Things that shouldn't matter- they can trigger the worst memories. I don't always know what you're talking about, and I know I can't compare anything in my life to what happened to you that weekend. Not even the wort things. Not even the stuff I've never told you about. But I know what it's like to have a scent or a place drag up the worst things. Things that make you ill. That hurt even years after they happened. There's nothing wrong with you, and you'll be okay. Maybe not today, or even tomorrow, but it'll pass, and you'll be okay. You're too strong to let him and all those memories destroy you. I know you are."
It was hard to catch a breath with the weight of Logan's words closing his throat. Jack clenched his jaw and shut his eyes- one last ditch attempt to hold it all in and keep things in check. A moment later he was rolling toward the younger man and pressing his forehead to a shoulder as quiet sobs wracked his body and his shoulders shook with the release.
Logan said nothing, his arms wrapping around him tightly as he kept Jack close. There wasn't really anything left for him to say anyway, anything else would have to come from Jack. Not that he really expected the other man to pour his heart out any more that evening. He'd never seen Jack quite so torn apart. Not in a very long time. If he was honest, it was a bit jarring, but his need to look after and protect the other man over powered every other emotion that rushed through him. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to fix things. To make it all right again.
As they returned to the hut, Jack reached for Linus slowly and dragged his fingertips along the curve of the dog's head, then went straight to the bed. It was a bit of a shock to him that the dog followed, sniffing and snuffling and whimpering a little at Jack's lack of enthusiasm.
"Can you help me take my shirt off?" he asked, giving up any semblance of self-reliance. He wanted to sleep and he'd gladly let Logan do things if it meant he could lay down.
"Yeah, of course," Logan said softly, gently pushing Linus back a little and then helping Jack undress. He was careful not to seem too helpful though, doing his best to make it seem like Jack was doing most of the work. It seemed now more than ever, Jack needed to be reminded of how strong he was.
The shirt fell to the floor and Linus inched closer again, nuzzling Jack's good hand and licking his fingers, as if he could sense that the other man was anything but okay.
Logan started to open Jack's jeans as well, popping open the button before moving so Jack could pull down the fly. "Lay down, I'm going to get you some water."
He sat on the edge of the bed and worked his feet free of the denim and tossed his jeans aside before laying down. He was up a moment later and reached for the ice pack to rest it against the back of his head when he laid on his side to watch Logan. Linus paced back and forth and then jumped onto the bed and settled near Jack's feet, watching the man intently.
Jack hardly noticed his companion. Logan grew blurry and then vanished altogether when his eyes fell shut. This was all he'd wanted. Home. His home with his things and his bed and his Logan. There was nothing bad here. Hell, there was nothing bad on this island. He could handle anything. Jack muttered as he moved through the half-awake haze just before sleep and Linus inched closer and whined.
Logan returned a moment later with a glass of water, putting it down before starting to strip down to his boxers. The only place he wanted to be was beside Jack, looking after him, and he settled in. He really wasn't sure Jack should be sleeping, and when Linus started crying and nudging Jack's leg with his nose, Logan didn't stop him.
"I think he's worried about you," he said quietly, stroking Jack's hair as he spoke.
"S'okay, Linus," Jack answered, reaching blindly for the dog, his hand off the edge of the bed since he expected the lab to be down there. He was tired, sure, but what was truly doing him in, what was keeping him sedate and just on the cusp of sleep, was the way Logan's fingers felt. The fastest way to make him relaxed and utterly docile was to toy with his hair like that. There was nothing for it...Logan had him in such a state that he could have done most anything.
"Don't worry. Just tired. Logan's here so it's okay. Handsome hero on the case...what could go wrong?" he quipped.
"Hardly a hero," Logan replied. "I'll take handsome though," he said, pressing a soft kiss to Jack's forehead and making room when Linus inched closer still. The large yellow dog curled up against Jack's legs, settling in but clearly not convinced yet that Jack was okay.
"Get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up," he insisted, deciding that Jack needed it. "I'll be beside you. You'll be fine."
Jack drifted off quickly. He hadn't needed Logan's command, although it was the last straw that had him stop resisting it. His breathing evened out and with the warmth of two bodies against him, he was truly asleep in just moments.
Minutes ticked by and time stretched out as Jack slept. For a long time he was still, the sleep hard and deep and dreamless, but then he began to twitch and whimper, growing gradually louder and more active until he gasped and screamed, sitting up from the bed. He was drenched in sweat and looked around the dim room with wild eyes, not really seeing where he was. The dream clung too tightly and he was sure he was in the cave and only hallucinating the room.
Logan hadn't fallen asleep, his back against the headboard with a book in his hands. He dropped it when Jack sat up, startled by the other man's sudden movement. Even Linus seemed to tense, growling softly at nothing in particular, before relaxing and getting to his feet. He padded over slowly, sniffing Jack before whining softly and licking the other man's cheek as Logan moved to rub his back.
"Hey, it's alright, calm down," he said quietly, watching the other man closely as he spoke. "Whatever it was- it was just a dream," he promised.
Too busy gasping for breath, Jack tore at the cord around his neck. The bullet had slipped around and hung down his back and the cord holding it around his neck was more than enough to aggravate his distress.
"Just a dream," he repeated, his mouth so dry that his tongue stuck to the roof and the words themselves sounded parched. Jack's chest heaved and expanded rapidly, but he calmed down incrementally. "Right. A dream. Didn't feel like a dream."
Logan's gut twisted as he watched Jack claw at the necklace, and he hesitated before reaching over and unknotting the cord and slipping it from around Jack's throat before carefully setting it aside. A beat later and he was lifting the glass of water from where he'd set it aside, holding it out in offering.
"Was it him?" he asked softly. "Did you dream about him?"
"No. Just the cave," he replied, taking the cup to drink deeply. Of course, dreaming of the cave meant he was dreaming of him, even if he hadn't made an appearance. Even if it was only worst parts of darkness and bondage, he was there. Ranting in shadow across the space, bleeding and laughing that desperate maniacal laugh.
"But...sort of. I guess. The cave- That weekend. It all rolls together," Jack admitted once the water was gone. "I'm...sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry, you haven't done anything wrong," Logan said, looking over at the necklace he'd taken from around Jack's neck, and eventually slipping it around his own for safe keeping. "Jack, what happened to you that weekend- it's normal to be upset about it, even now. It doesn't make you weak, and it definitely doesn't make you a burden. It makes you just as human as the rest of us. You can't be a hero all the time, no one expects you to be."
Wetting his lips, Logan looked down at his hands before turning his over to Jack again. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
"No!" he huffed, on the verge of laughing. The last thing he really wanted was to talk about it. That answer didn't carry much weight, though. He tipped the glass back and the last drop trickled onto his tongue before Jack took a breath and laid back down.
"I made a mistake," he started. "I thought he'd changed his mind, you know? I kept flirting with him, then it was mostly just a joke, so when he said yes I was...surprised. And I followed him." That was how the tale began and he didn't once look at Logan, even going so far as to drape his arm over his face partway through the explanation. The only time he'd come close to admitting just how little control he'd had and how he'd felt was with Catherine and even then he'd artfully danced around it. As the words flowed freely, Jack let it all out, the scent and the darkness and the rope. Logan knew the things Jack willingly talked about, but these were things he'd never told...well, he'd had to write it down when he had no voice so there were a few who knew. Ray, Chase, House, the Doctor. But those had been words on a page. By the time he finished telling Logan, tears slipped slowly fro the corners of his eyes, across his temples and into his sweat damp hair. It sounded so much worse than simple written words.
Logan was silent, afraid to make a sound or interrupt the other man in anyway. He wanted to hear what had happened, he wanted to try and understand, and he knew once Jack stopped, he wasn't likely to start talking again.
When the other man finally went quiet, Logan reached over and gently wiped the tears from Jack's cheeks, closing his eyes as he settled in at his side and kissed his forehead. The arm that slipped around him was protective, a silent promise that he was there, and that nothing bad would happen. Not now. Not tonight. He knew there was nothing he could do to take away the memories or the pain, nothing he could say that would make it all better, he could only be there, silent and solid, willing to listen and ready to give anything Jack needed from him.
"I'm sorry," he said finally. "Jack- I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve to suffer like that." He kissed the other man's cheek again, pulling him gently towards himself so he could hold him. "I love you,' he whispered softly. "I love you, and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. I swear."
The thing was, Jack was fairly certain now that he did deserve it on some level. This place and all the things that happened, the vanishings and the pains...they were eked out so slowly that Jack could be here for a long, long life and he might atone for a fraction of the horrible things he'd done and all the people he'd left.
"I love you, too," he said, his throat tight and his chest aching. "I...it's just...I haven't gone into the caves since then. And that hole, the way it smelled and just how dark it was..." He paused and laughed bitterly, shaking his head a little. "How fucking funny is it that space is as black as it gets and I can't handle a little hole in the ground?"
"It's not the same, even I know it's not the same," Logan said, his voice calm and soothing. "Things that shouldn't matter- they can trigger the worst memories. I don't always know what you're talking about, and I know I can't compare anything in my life to what happened to you that weekend. Not even the wort things. Not even the stuff I've never told you about. But I know what it's like to have a scent or a place drag up the worst things. Things that make you ill. That hurt even years after they happened. There's nothing wrong with you, and you'll be okay. Maybe not today, or even tomorrow, but it'll pass, and you'll be okay. You're too strong to let him and all those memories destroy you. I know you are."
It was hard to catch a breath with the weight of Logan's words closing his throat. Jack clenched his jaw and shut his eyes- one last ditch attempt to hold it all in and keep things in check. A moment later he was rolling toward the younger man and pressing his forehead to a shoulder as quiet sobs wracked his body and his shoulders shook with the release.
Logan said nothing, his arms wrapping around him tightly as he kept Jack close. There wasn't really anything left for him to say anyway, anything else would have to come from Jack. Not that he really expected the other man to pour his heart out any more that evening. He'd never seen Jack quite so torn apart. Not in a very long time. If he was honest, it was a bit jarring, but his need to look after and protect the other man over powered every other emotion that rushed through him. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to fix things. To make it all right again.
