for logan | September 16th

[more_flexible]

On this island it was too easy for the days to blur together. April became July and July turned into October. He had his routine so he kept the days of the week clear in his mind, and then there were certain days that stood out. Jack was, and always had been, acutely aware of time. His anniversary on the island. The day he split with House. The day he'd asked Logan to stay.

And then there was today.

They say time heals all wounds and now, three years gone between the incident and now, Jack wasn't a wreck. The first year he'd fallen apart. Last year he'd smoked himself into a useless lump only to eventually make his way home and get his nose broken. Today he was simply quiet. He got up and went through drill, showere dand ate and came home. Logan hadn't been around and so he'd sat down to work on some things, but he quickly lost interest. Out on the porch was too public and he didn't want to see anyone. He had the crawling feeling that he'd get caught unaware somehow. He abandoned everything and went into the hut, went into the bedroom, and closed the door. With the window shades closed as well it was just dark enough and Jack crawled into bed fully clothed. He didn't sleep, as much as he wanted to just sleep through the day, knowing it would be better tomorrow. No, he simply lay there in the darkened room and thought of how bad things had been then.

Every now and again his thoughts drifted to how good things were now. Those thoughts didn't last, though.

Comments

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

While Logan usually lacked Jack's knack for keeping time, he was well aware of what today was. After all, it had been only days before they had met for the first time, and last year it had proven to Logan that he did, in fact, care about Jack much more than he liked to admit back then.

The bedroom door was closed, but Logan had looked everywhere for the other man, and he was sure he had to be inside. ...Hopefully getting some rest.

Quietly, he knocked on the door before heading inside. "Jack?" he called out quietly, his gaze landing on the motionless body on the bed. "You alright?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," he lied quietly. He wasn't fine and it was obvious. He wore his clothes like armor and hid from the day. It was so uncharacteristic that there could be no assuming he was okay.

"I'm just...resting," he continued, not even trying to lie well.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Liar," Logan replied simply, his voice soft and low as he stepped further into the room and eventually moved to lay beside the other man.

Last year he had been unable to do much, but now everything had changed. He and Jack were partners, and Logan felt no hesitation as he rested one hand on Jack's chest.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack exhaled heavily and moved a fraction closer. He didn't feel like he had the previous years. He didn't expect anyone to fix it or make it better. It was better on its own. Sort of.

"I'll be fine," he admitted. "It's just...today. It's better than last year." He paused. "At least I'm not bleeding."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Bleeding?" Logan replied, pressing gently for an explination.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You remember I had the gun?" he asked, staring at the ceiling. "It was John's. I took it without asking."

He went quiet and the silence stretched out until the air almost crackled.

"...So he broke my nose when I got back."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan had a better idea now than he had ever wanted of the kind of man John Hart was, and he shuddered in sympathy as he tried not to think of what else the other man might have done to Jack during his time on the island.

"I'm sorry, he said softly, swallowing hard and moving to stroke Jack's hair. "I didn't know. If I had..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"No one knew," Jack replied quietly. "I used the nanos almost every day to take care of the bites and bruises. And I was so stoned that day that I just told...I can't even remember who was in the clinic...that I walked into a tree. As high as I was, it made sense."

He shrugged a little and shifted closer. He'd tried to tell Logan before, but he'd never outright said it to anyone.

"It wasn't one sided, though. I mean, that day it was, but usually I gave as good as I got. He didn't care about getting patched up unless it was really bad on his face. But I couldn't be walking around looking like a prizefighter."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I don't care, I hate him. I don't care if you hit back or if it was just payback. I hate him, and I would never let him hurt you like that. Not now. Not now that I know."

Reaching out, he pulled Jack close, careful not to hold him too tight as he hugged him to his chest.

"You're mine now, and no one is going to hurt you. Not him, not anyone."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

It was easy to let go and just let Logan hold him. He didn't feel particularly weak or fragile, but it was reassuring to know that he had a partner again.

"I know," he replied, nodding a little. Jack took one, long shivering breath.

"You make everything...better. I don't mean you fix things or anything. Just that, I don't know. It's hard to explain. Three years ago I didn't have anyone in my life other than the Doctor, and he had Chase. Now, it's better. I'm better. I'd like to think I'm a better man, and it's got a lot to do with you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I dunno if you can say that it's got anything to do with me. But you do seem- better now. Everything feels less like an act. At least, it seems that way when I see you. I dunno what you're like when I'm not around," Logan said softly, rubbing Jack's back and closing his eyes.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm the same," he insisted...then stopped. "Except, you know, I don't try to pick people up. Flirting and teasing is fine, but I just don't try. I used to be serious. I used to never say no. It's all different now."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"But you're happy, right? I mean- you don't miss it, do you?" Logan asked softly, holding on just a little tighter.

Though why they were talking about this, he wasn't sure. It was as if they were talking about everything but what had happened that day.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes. Sometimes I think I miss it, but then...then Maureen comes over and I know I could have her in a heartbeat and I don't want her. I don't flirt or anything more than a blush, or to make someone feel good. I used to seduce everyone. I...I thought I'd finally seduced Faramir, but it was just the island."

John, on the other hand, he seduced and was seduced in return. The draw of violence and raw passion had been too much to resist at the time.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Do you want to talk about him?" Logan asked quietly. "Faramir, I mean. Do you want to talk about what happened that day? I don't really know what to do when it comes to working through stuff. I mean, shit, god knows I have a million issues to work out. But- if you wanted to talk, I could listen.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"There's not really much to talk about," he began, trying to protest a little. He knew it was useless though. He could almost feel the story rising in his throat.

"I'd been going swimming," he said. "And then I met him on the path. I was so surprised when he agreed to go back to his place..."

The rest of it tumbled out after that. He couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. Time and distance had made it seem less real, but Logan was one of the few left on the island who had seen the bruises. Who knew he couldn't talk after. Logan knew what happened- Maybe not in the detail Jack was giving him now, but he knew and it was a small comfort to have someone else share in it.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan had seen Faramir that weekend. He'd seen him and seen that anger. He'd had his own life threatened by the man- only to have him walk away. As if he had something better to do. It wasn't until much later that he'd found out just what that something else had been.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry. At least he's gone now though. At least you don't have to be afraid."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm not. I promise I'm not," he replied. "I've got you. And it's better. It's better than it has been in a while. You know worse things than this about me and you're still here."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan's hand moved to rest on Jack's stomach, and he sighed softly as he held on. "You don't have to be better for me. I'd understand if you weren't."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I do it for me, if you really want to know. If I think about it all the time, I'd be useless," Jack admitted. "There are a lot of things I ignore, Logan. I just push it away. Like Ace and Lisa. Like Faramir. Like Tosh and Jackson. I just...ignore it. It's not what's healthy, but it's what works."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Healthy is overrated anyway," Logan joked softly. "I'm just glad you're doing better this year. I was really worried last year, but- I dunno. It didn't feel like it was my place to help back then."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You helped last year. I think. From what I can remember...you made me feel good. A lot of people stopped to talk to me that day and you...I was comfortable talking to you. And..."

Jack couldn't help but smile at the memory of the tussle and the gun and Logan taking him home. He'd been so stoned and was slow and lazy, but he remembered that Logan's bare body was warm and welcome on such a shitty day.

"...I do remember what we did was still secret then. It was kind of exciting."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I guess... I dunno. I kind of hated the fact that I couldn't be with you in public. It was fun at first, but the more time I spent with you, the less I wanted to hide. If we hadn't been a secret then, maybe I could have done more for you that day."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"What would you have done?" he asked, tilting his chin up to look into Logan's eyes. He was genuinely curious. Even here pressed against Logan, arms wound around him, it was hard to think that he could rely on anyone but himself. He knew he could, but years of being on his own made it hard to embrace.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'd have taken you home, back to my place, and I'd have... I dunno, I would have thought of something though. I would have done whatever you needed me to do," he insisted.