for logan | September 16th

[more_flexible]

On this island it was too easy for the days to blur together. April became July and July turned into October. He had his routine so he kept the days of the week clear in his mind, and then there were certain days that stood out. Jack was, and always had been, acutely aware of time. His anniversary on the island. The day he split with House. The day he'd asked Logan to stay.

And then there was today.

They say time heals all wounds and now, three years gone between the incident and now, Jack wasn't a wreck. The first year he'd fallen apart. Last year he'd smoked himself into a useless lump only to eventually make his way home and get his nose broken. Today he was simply quiet. He got up and went through drill, showere dand ate and came home. Logan hadn't been around and so he'd sat down to work on some things, but he quickly lost interest. Out on the porch was too public and he didn't want to see anyone. He had the crawling feeling that he'd get caught unaware somehow. He abandoned everything and went into the hut, went into the bedroom, and closed the door. With the window shades closed as well it was just dark enough and Jack crawled into bed fully clothed. He didn't sleep, as much as he wanted to just sleep through the day, knowing it would be better tomorrow. No, he simply lay there in the darkened room and thought of how bad things had been then.

Every now and again his thoughts drifted to how good things were now. Those thoughts didn't last, though.

Comments

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"That and it would be unfair, since it would mean I'd be allowed to be upset over everyone you've ever been with- and seeing as how you say you're 80 or whatever, I'm gonna take a wild guess that your list of past lovers is longer than mine. But- I haven't been with anyone since we got serious. And before that, it was only Helen, Vala, and Harry. ...And Alcuin, that one time."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"That is...a very short list," was all he could think to say. It was almost the moment of truth. All he had to do was step through a door and he'd be in the caves. He tried to distract himself with the conversation.

"I don't even know if I could tell you how many people I've been with. Just shy of fifty, here...except nearly all of them have vanished. Before here? I can't even guess. Thousands. It doesn't matter anymore, though. No one even turns my head."

And without thinking about it, Jack opened that door and stepped through.

And he froze.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan moved to rest his hand against the small of Jack's back, rubbing gently and then letting it drop.

"You alright?" he asked quietly, the subject of past overs forgotten for the time being. "We can always turn back."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack shook his head slowly.

"No."

No, he wasn't okay. No, he wasn't turning back. It took a minute of concentrating only on the feeling of Logan's hand against him.

"What about you? You alright?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine. I'm with you," Logan replied simply, though the true test of how fine he was wouldn't come until they were in the hot springs.

"Come on," he said, taking Jack's hand and holding on tightly. "It's gonna be alright."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He took a breath and nodded again, then gave Logan's hand a squeeze. It wasn't as bad as he'd imagined. The scent of earth and stone and sulfur brought back memories he'd pushed away, but having someone like Logan beside him made it...better.

"So, anyway...thousands. Tentacles and insects and beings made up of light and smoke. And people from all over time and space," Jack babbled, the words coming quick thanks to his nerves.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan honestly didn't want to know about all the creatures and people Jack had been with over the years, but talking about it seemed to keep him calm- so Logan said nothing.

Still, he was almost relieved when they reached the hot spring, shaking off images of Jack and creatures he could hardly wrap his head around.

The sight of the water made him go still, and he felt a mixture of shame and fear as he remembered how easy it had been to coax Harry into the water, and how hard he'd tried to get inside the other man's head.

"I didn't bring swim trunks," he said quietly.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Logan's words stopped the jumbled thoughts and rapid words in an instant. He turned to look at Logan and it took a minute to make sense of just what he'd said...then he began to laugh softly.

"Neither did I," he replied. "We don't need them, though. Did you want to get in? I...actually wouldn't mind, I don't think. I'm nervous, but it's not as bad as I expected."

As he spoke, Jack slowly rubbed his thumb along the side of Logan's hand, picking up on the tension. It made it a little easier, not the he'd admit it, to worry about Logan instead of himself.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan didn't want to get in, not really, but Jack looked so much calmer... He didn't want that to change. The other man was doing so well.

"Yeah, we can get in," he said softly.

Logan stripped down to his boxers, and then eventually down to nothing. After all, Jack rarely wore boxers, and there was no need for modesty with Jack of all people.

Nude and nervous, he looked down into the water. It was dark in the cave, but he could still see it shimmering. Usually he would have found it beautiful, but after everything that had happened, he could only think of how he'd looked up at Harry from under the surface, sure of the fact that he was about to die.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack peeled off his shirt and then stopped so he could reach out and touch Logan. He smiled softly and moved closer.

"It's okay," he said softly as he undid his fly and stepped out of his jeans. With them off, he pressed himself against Logan and slipped an arm around him so he could feel as much bare skin as possible.

"Partners, right? Nothing bad can happen when we're together."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Partners," Logan echoed softly, leaning lightly against Jack before sucking it up and slowly getting into the water.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He'd forgotten just how hot it was. He slid into the water and shivered as his skin stung and tingled. Jack caught his breath a couple times, then relaxed against a slick rock.

"This...isn't so bad," he said, quiet in the darkness. "The last time I was here was with a guy who was missing a hand."

Jack remembered Jaime fondly, and it wasn't just because of the sex. Jaime was the first friend he'd found here. In fact, Jaime was part of the reason he'd tried to keep Faramir occupied, even if it meant he made everything worse on himself. The man had heard he and Jaime at the springs and Jack genuinely feared for the king slayer's safety.

"Did you ever meet Jaime Lannister?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I don't think so," Logan replied honestly, hunching over a little and deliberatly avoiding one small area of the hot spring.

"Why?" he asked belatedly, realizing that Jack had something he wanted to talk about, even though he was content to simply sit in silence, curled up and wishing he could forget Harry's hand on his shoulder.

Except they weren't there for him. They were there for Jack- and he needed to pull his shit together and do something to help, not sit in the corner shaking.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Curious," he replied, shrugging a little before he moved closer to Logan. He hadn't been lying when he told Logan it was practically impossible for him to keep his hands off the younger man.

"He was a friend. One of my first friends here. I met him not long after I arrived. Dale, too. Funny, Dale and the Doctor are the only ones left who really remember what I was like when I first got here."

His touches were light and he gave Logan plenty of room to get away. It seemed as his tension evaporated, Logan's grew. He knew why, too.

"...I've changed a lot, I think."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I didn't really know you when you first got here. Even after- Even after the clinic, I never got to know you," Logan replied, relaxing a little and inching closer.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm kind of glad you didn't," he said evenly. "I would have never let you in. I'd have used you for a little fun and then moved on. It would have ruined everything. I think...I don't know. Maybe everything worked out just like it was meant to. I wouldn't change it for anything."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I think that's why I never got too close. I knew you were only interested in hooking up, so..."

The rocks were digging into his bck, and he shivered at the memory that came with the sensation before moving.

"Whatever, you doing okay?" he asked, changing the topic and attempting to get comfortable again.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," Jack replied, and it wasn't even a total lie. The darkness and the smell were bothering him, but not enough to fixate on. He moved closer to Logan, running his hand up the younger man's side and let it rest over his heart.

"How about you?" he asked, already having a good idea what the answer was. "We can go whenever you want. This has to be hard for you, too."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," Logan lied, not wanting to look weak. "I just can't help but think about what happened. He had his thumb digging into the scar on my shoulder... It wasn't completely healed yet, and it hurt. It really hurt."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He moved his hand higher and leaned in, ghosting his lips over the scar. The heat of the water made it impossible to go much lower, so instead he moved from the scar up to Logan's neck.

"I figured that," he murmured. "Just from the bruises...I hada good idea of what he did to you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan shivered, before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. "I thought i was in control. I got him here, and into the water... I just wanted him to tell me about his past. And he did- right before he tried to drown me."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack managed a small, weak smile. "That's how I felt with Faramir. I thought I was in control...right up until the moment he cracked my head into the wall. That's when I knew that I was in over my head."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Pressing closer, Logan wrapped his arms around Jack, holding on and pulling Jack close.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's okay," he said, holding Logan close in return. "You're okay now. We're together and it's okay. Harry's not going to touch you again."

That much wasn't even in question. He'd given his word that he'd let Logan handle it...but if anything happened again? All bets were off.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"No one's going to hurt you either," he said softly, kissing the other man's neck and sighing. "I love you."