[for Daniel]

[more_flexible]

--Friday, July 4th||Serena and Blair's beach party--

It was a party. Jack loved parties and he'd been asked to help by the prettiest underage-off-limits-don't-even-say-hello girl named Serena. Okay, so maybe he'd flirted a little. It didn't really matter in the end, since he'd spent the day with Owen and gotten him here, gotten him a drink, and then another, then told him he'd be right back. It wasn't a party if he didn't talk to a few people. Jack had kept up with Owen fairly well in the shots department and was feeling loose and warm and good. Let Owen get trashed, he was just nicely tipsy. Jack had left the tux behind in favor of a pair of shorts and a wifebeater, which seemed to be the uniform of most of the people here. Jack looked around, smiled and flirted and said hello to more than one person before he looked over...

And there was Daniel.

Jack dropped everything and headed straight for him.

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack stayed just where he was, drinking kisses like a man dying of thirst. He needed this to not be over. He'd lost track of time and commitments and was running on pure sensation, surviving by clinging to something instead of nothing and lies.

Like anything else, it didn't last. The moment was gone, slipped away as the sun set and the moon rose and the party rolled on somewhere through the jungle. It couldn't last, and finally Jack pulled away, licked his lips, and swallowed hard.

"You okay?"

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

That hadn't just been him clinging to Jack, that had been Jack clinging back. Daniel wasn't sure how he hadn't seen it before. He moved closer, one hand on Jack's hip and the other on his cheek.

"Been better," he admitted softly.

His thumbs moved in aimless patterns against Jack's skin as Daniel considered him.

"What about you? I'm not the only unhappy one here."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," he said automatically. He'd been 'fine' for weeks, and was even more 'fine' since a carefully covered wound had been ripped open by one very feisty little doctor.

But he didn't want to think about it, and Jack was good at quite a few things, avoiding a problem being close to the top of the list. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to talk about it. It was done with House and clearly he'd done a good enough job of destroying it. He'd gotten to hear about it, in deatil.

"And even if I'm not," he added, before Daniel could interject, "I don't want to talk about it right now. Just...not now," he said, softer, stroking his hands along shoulders and biceps.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel studied Jack a long time before nodding ever so slightly. Admitting he wasn't, even in a roundabout way, was better than Daniel normally got. After a minute, he said, "You're taking Owen back to Mohinder's and eventually you'll leave. What are your plans after that?"

He was pretty sure that Jack would say no, but he had to make the offer, for both their sakes.

"No talking unless you want to, promise."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm staying with Owen tonight. Tomorrow morning I've got drills," he said, idly stroking Daniel's arms. "Then I'm seeing someone after I get cleaned up. I'm not sure how long I'll be there."

He'd made certain he'd packed his days full, made certain he was rarely alone with himself and his thoughts. It was easier that way--if he devoted his time and attention elsewhere, he didn't have to think about how half of him was just...gone. Gone, but still here, which made it even worse.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

That made him raise an eyebrow, even as he crushed his disappointment again. "You're staying on the floor of Mohinder's with Owen?" He shook his head. If Owen was even still staying on the floor. He wasn't sure.

He shook his head.

"Then tomorrow night or the next day. We can talk about what's been going on or I can entertain you with tales of the Doublemint twins or we can just sleep."

He kissed Jack again slowly.

"But I think we both could use it and it's been a while since it was just us."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It was just us five minutes ago," he pointed out, grinning against Daniel's lips. "And it was just us in those boring ruins."

He was being purposely obtuse, which would have been a lot easier if they hadn't been standing so close, still mostly naked.

"I'll make time," he continued quietly. "...Sunday. I'll find time on Sunday and it can just be us. Okay?"

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"And before the mission," he said pointedly, "and tonight, when was the last time we had any kind of significant time together? You're always busy." A month ago, or thereabouts. Just after Owen. And Alcuin. Back when Jack got...protective.

He flashed a small smile.

"No more Tuesday morning coffee runs." He didn't fit into Jack's schedule unless they ran into each other, anymore."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm in demand, what can I say?" he quipped, stepping back enough so he could tug up his pants, then look around for his shirt.

Most popular boy in school...he'd heard that too many times to forget House's voice. To forget how it felt.

He shrugged off the memory and flashed a smile. "I promise, okay? Sunday."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel gave Jack a look, raised an eyebrow, and shook his head. He'd always been in demand before. But even including the sex that probably took place, he was busier now than he had been. He didn't say anything, though, just pulled up his own pants and grabbed their shirts, tossing Jack his.

"Here. Sunday. I'll hold you to it."

He grinned faintly. "And if not, well, there are always Zats and zipties again."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You're so kinky," he smirked as he caught the shirt. "I'll be there, you know I will."

Because it was either that or aimless wandering before or after (or in between) fucking John until neither of them could move.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"That's not kinky. Just practical." He grinned again. "And amusing."

He tossed his shirt on, ignoring the way his shoulders protested the movement, and headed back over to Jack. "Come on. Let's head back."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Practical. Right. I'll remember you said that," he scoffed, pulling his shirt over his head and carefully drawing it down over his back. Once it was on, he leaned over and landed a sloppy kiss against Daniel's cheek. "You think anyone even noticed we were gone?"

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"Owen's probably a bit drunker and not paying attention to much of anything and..." He hesitated. "And I don't even know if Mohinder was there." Daniel ran a soft hand down Jack's back and then wrapped his arm around his waste. He was a little more sober, now, but still a bit unsteady on his feet.

"And even if he was, I'm not sure I care."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I kinda got that," Jack replied as he draped his arm around Daniel's shoulders in return. That meant, though, when he leaned down to retrieve the bottle, the man had to join him, but once he had it in hand, it made the walking that much easier. Daniel leaning on him, him leaning on Daniel in return.

And there was still alcohol.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

After a brief debate that lasted about a second and a half, Daniel took the bottle, tipping it up and taking a few swallows. "You were right. I need to talk to him. I will talk to him." He eyed Jack before offering him the bottle back.

"Are you going to be kicking Mohinder out of his own house? I'd kind of like to know if I should expect him on my doorstep tonight."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"God, no. That's tacky," he chuckled. "Now, if he doesn't want to stay...yeah, I don't know. He's not who I'm going there for, and you know how focused I can get. I promised Owen days ago that I'd take care of him. He's..."

Jack took a swig to numb the tight pain in his chest. "He's not okay. He's worse than he wants to admit. I...might know what that's like."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I know," Daniel said softly. "I wish...I wish I could see him. It hurts that Mohinder's the one that gets to see him and I..."

He reached for the bottle and took another long sip.

"I know there was a reason for me not to see him. If he was to have any chance of making things right or even easier with Tosh, I had to stay away. But...I miss him." He sighed. "But I promised."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Hey. Don't," Jack replied softly. He reached for the bottle as soon as Daniel had swallowed and pulled him to a stop. "It's not forever. Just have a little patience...and he knows why you're not around, Daniel. He's not clueless. If there's a chance, then..."

He shrugged. They all knew that if there was any chance for reconciliation, Daniel needed to not be in the picture. Everything depended on if Tosh could forgive Owen for--well, Jack didn't really understand what needed to be forgiven. That had everything to do with his own ideas of relationships, though, and from the way he'd made sure the one with House went down in flames...

"Yeah," he muttered, taking a deep pull from the bottle himself.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"We had this discussion, he and I. When we...admitted we had feelings for each other we took a step back. I guess I thought it would go away. When Mohinder and I started...I tried to talk to him. He wouldn't listen. And then Mohinder talked to him and Owen thought I was jerking him around, until I told him I just wanted to fix things."

Daniel looked away.

"Last resort. His was sleeping with me. It wouldn't have worked and he knew it. If it was just sex, it never would have gotten out of control. Mine was to step back. Stop seeing him. Ever."

Daniel slipped away from Jack and started walking again. It wasn't the first time he'd thought about it, but it was the first time the reality of it had hit him. He'd been willing - he had - given up someone important to him. He and Owen were going to work on crushing whatever this thing was out of existence, and Tosh didn't care. Didn't think it was worth anything.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

The alcohol had already started rushing through his blood, warming his skin and stripping his defenses. That's what he'd blame it on, and he'd stick to that excuse.

"Yeah, because avoiding someone makes whatever you feel for them just fucking disappear," he said dryly. "If it was as easy as that, I wouldn't wan--"

He cleared his throat and stopped walking, taking another drink. He was going to hate himself tomorrow at training, pushing himself through a hangover. Right now...he didn't care. He'd do what it took to get rid of feeling like this.

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

Daniel stopped dead in his tracks. He knew who Jack had been talking about. He even knew that Jack still loved him. His jaw clenched, aching with the effort it took not to just spit out a response that would likely start an argument.

Finally, back still to Jack, he said, "If you were miserable with him and you're miserable without him, maybe it isn't him that's the problem, Jack. I didn't know why I was unhappy until you knocked me over the head with it. But it's right. It feels right."

Daniel rounded on Jack. "Why are you unhappy, Jack? Was it the sex? You're not any happier now than you were before you broke up or even before you started cheating on him. Or do you even know?"

Daniel swallowed tightly around the lump in his throat. "Ianto and I had one final fight. One fight that should have been months back and should have been our breakup fight. I walked away knowing that it was the right thing to do. I'm going to walk away from Mohinder knowing it was the right thing to do. What about you, Jack? Can you say the same thing about Greg?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

One more drink, then he nodded. "It's the right thing to do," he confirmed. That was something he didn't doubt.

"I...don't know, Daniel. I really don't. I'm not miserable. That's not the word for it." Hollow. Empty. Aimless. Maybe that was why he'd thrown himself into the Task Force, body and soul. It was so simple...just follow orders. Look to a leader and trust them to keep you from getting killed.

"It was the right thing to do, for both of us. He should have someone who can be happy being with only him. Someone who can deal with all the insecurity. And me...I used to know what made me happy. I don't know," he repeated, lifting the bottle again, but then thinking better of taking another drink. "Sex is just sex. Work is just work. Nothing feels right, Daniel. Or, if it does, it doesn't feel right for very long and then I'm right back to this place, wondering how in the hell I can love him when I don't like him."

[theunascended.livejournal.com]

"That's the easy part, Jack. Because you don't just stop loving someone. You said it yourself. And when I asked you if it was the right thing to do, I didn't mean in here." Daniel took a few steps back to Jack and touched his forehead.

"Intellectualizing it was how I thought sleeping with Mohinder and Alcuin was the right thing. You can tell yourself all day that it's the right thing, but if this doesn't agree, then you're screwed." He pressed his hand to Jack's chest.

"As far as I can tell, your head is willing to give up, but your heart isn't. Which means that you either have to convince your heart to give up, or you have to fix the relationship. Start from ground zero and work your way back up."

Daniel wanted to be anywhere but here, having this conversation. He was still in the mindset of wanting to wrap his arms around Jack and not let him go. But, at the same time, he really couldn't deny Jack the chance to be happy.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sober enough for this," he smirked as he continued to swagger forward. "I got over the Doctor, I can get over House."

He was almost to a point where he believed that, too. The only difference was he'd had House before he ever split with the Doctor. This time, he had no safety net.

"You want me happy? Really?" Jack asked, looking over at Daniel. The smirk disappeared, all amusement vanished. "Quit talking about it."