for logan

[more_flexible]

[From here]

Maybe it was a fetish, but Jack hated labels of all sorts. He just knew what he liked. Too bad for the universe that what he liked amounted to pretty much everything. He'd left the compound and made his way back to his hut with Logan, covertly keeping tabs on how the guy handled breathing the cold air. Cold air wasn't a problem inside. The strange, round hut was warm and dry. Dulcita lay curled on an old shirt of Jack's near the fire and mewed at the pair when they came in, demanding the food she'd been promised.

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[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"So what exactly are you here for, Captain?" Logan asked, though this time when he used the title, there was nothing affectionate about it. His tone mocking and unimpressed as he reached out and took the other man's cup.

Logan's own behavior wasn't all that unfamiliar either, though it wasn't anything like the way he usually behaved around Jack. It was more like... acting. Not unlike the way he'd behaved at school when he'd known teachers and staff were watching him. A carefully placed mask that had served him well for years before arriving on the island.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Just doing the job, sir," he replied evenly, almost disinterested. He folded his arms and laid them against the back of the chair, his legs spreading wider as he leaned forward a little.

"By all means, help yourself. I wasn't going to drink that or anything," Jack continued. Having total freedom to accomplish his 'mission' made this all the more exciting and all the more dangerous, although Jack would be hard pressed to say for who.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan faltered for a moment when Jack called him sir, eying the other man curiously before shaking it off and sipping the tea. "I'm sure there's more water if you want some too," he replied, sipping the hot liquid and getting to his feet. Anything to keep himself from watching Jack and the way he moved.

"Is it still snowing?" he asked, walking over to the window to see. "Wouldn't want to get snowed in..."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Forecast says it'll let up before too long," he said, boring quickly at the discussion of weather. He stood up and the chair scraped loudly across the floor as he pushed it out of his way. He wandered over to the pan and made another cup of tea but let it sit and steep once it was poured.

"Wouldn't be so bad, though. Being snowed in. It'd give me all kinds of time with you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan smirked, even though he still had his back to the other man, and he forced it off his face as he turned back around. "Please, like you'd know what to do after an hour," he snorted. "Besides, if you aren't here to serve me, I'm not here to keep you entertained."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack sunk his hands into his pockets so deeply that the pleats pulled apart to accommodate them. A curious smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he arched a brow slightly as he cocked his head.

"That's not really your call," he said with a hint of amusement. "How's your tea?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Living in Neptune had taught Logan plenty, but apparently not taking drinks from people you couldn't trust was a lesson he'd missed. Between the GHB and whatever else that floated around town back home, no party had ever been safe. Hell, he'd done it himself at least once, to his best friend no less. He should have learned to be more cautious somewhere along the line.

He put the cup down slowly, staring down into the nearly empty cup before looking back up at Jack.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"You're probably going to want to find a seat," Jack suggested, oh-so-helpfully. His hands came out of his pockets and a small piece of paper got wadded up in one hand and then tossed over his shoulder before he was close enough to grab the guy by the arm and tug him along.

"Or a bed would be better. You'll be okay...it won't kill you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"What did you give me?" Logan asked, jerking his arm away and trying to work out if Jack was just fucking with him. He had to be, right? He felt okay still, and Jack.... Jack wouldn't drug him just to win a stupid game. Would he?"

The fact that he honestly wasn't sure was both terrifying and thrilling, and he wobbled a little on his feet as he stepped closer to the bed and held onto one of the posts. That was just nerves though, right?

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Just a little something to make sure I accomplish the mission," Jack answered as he laid a hand on Logan's shoulder to steady him. His other hand moved lightly down his back, fingertips sliding over muscle, because one thing he certainly didn't know about this man was whether or not he had issues with that sort of caress.

"Now. Why don't you just get comfortable...before you fall down."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Unsteady on his feet, Logan sat down hard on the edge of the bed as he looked up at Jack, wondering why he'd chosen to play things this way. ...Though really, maybe it was simply because it had taken nearly two years to get Logan into bed the first time around, and even then it was thanks to strange and unnatural acts, not will. Logan would have been too stubborn to give in to what he'd wanted without the island's help.

Still, that didn't mean he was okay with it, and he frowned as he looked up at Jack, not quite acting anymore.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He slipped the braces off his shoulders and then sat down to untie his heavy boots. He took his time, letting Logan simmer in tense silence. It was only after the boots were gone and he'd undone the top two buttons of his shirt that he twisted to look at the guy.

Yeah, drugs were always the easiest way to get to the goal. Second easiest, the one Jack had always excelled at, was the lie. The flat out lie. No one he'd ever met had laughed off being doped without their knowledge or consent. He'd been given one simple rule...play it any way he wanted to accomplish the mission as long as he didn't think it through. As long as he just did...whatever.

If he'd been thinking, it might have been disturbing how fast and smooth the lie came and how easy it was to keep up when he saw it was working. He'd been trained to believe the lie enough that the other person would believe it too. By the time he was facing Logan, he practically believed he'd put something in the tea.

"Can't say this is gonna be a difficult assignment," he said as he leaned in and caught Logan's jaw in his hand before he kissed him softly. "You're gorgeous."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan simply glared, letting Jack tilt his head up as they kissed. His hands came up to push at the other man, but Logan already knew that even if he'd been sober, he wouldn't have been able to fight off Jack if he'd wanted to, and in the end he barely shoved him, turning his head away from the kiss and pulling back as much as he could.

"Stop," he said quietly, wondering if Jack had any idea just how violated he felt that moment. He'd let himself be degraded in so many ways for Jack, but at least when he'd been bound and pushed to his knees, he'd had a say in it all. He'd let Jack do it because he'd wanted it too. He'd offered it. This? this wasn't the same. Game or not, Jack had pushed too far this time.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Logan had told him once that when he said stop and meant it, Jack would know. It took him a second--less than a second--to decide that Logan wasn't playing in his protest. His hands dropped instantly and Jack's entire demeanor changed.

"Stopped," he said, almost every trace of the Agent vanishing, leaving just Jack. He looked at Logan, really looked at him, and inched away.

"It's over. I won't," he said quietly.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Wrapping his arms around himself, Logan took a moment to calm down before he spoke up again, swallowing hard as he looked up at the other man.

"That? That is not okay. That is never okay, Jack," he said quietly, shaking a little as he spoke.

Jack hadn't given him anything, but his body seemed to be convinced he had, and he felt heavy and light headed as he closed his eyes and rocked a little. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to tell Jack to get out. To leave and never come back. At the same time though... he didn't want to be alone.

What were you supposed to do when the person you went to for comfort was the same person who'd hurt you?

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack pulled himself fully onto the bed and folded his legs beneath himself, sitting patiently until Logan calmed down a little. He spent the time questioning what, exactly, he'd done wrong. By the standards he was most comfortable with, he'd been completely above board.

Ultimately, he simply looked confused and starkly innocent in his naiveté. It had been a lie, but Logan knew he lied all the time. And using drugs, of all sorts, was standard operating procedure in his previous life.

"...Why?" he asked, his cheeks flushing as he grasped the fact that somehow he'd really fucked up.

And that only cemented his overwhelming desire for control.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Why?" Logan repeated, looking at Jack as if he'd lost his mind. And really, considering what he'd just done, maybe he had.

"You don't drug people, not even when it's just a game! I know I said you could do whatever, but I honestly didn't think I'd have to add 'except drugging me'. I mean... It would have been one thing if you'd just held me down, at least then I would have been able to react if it had gotten out of hand, but... I've been drugged, Jack, and I've seen other people drugged. It's beyond being tied up, you can't even think right, you just do what you're told, or you fight, but your body gives in... You really thought it would be okay to do that to me? You really thought there was nothing wrong with slipping me something that for all you knew could have killed me, or left me completely defenseless? That doesn't bother you?"

His head was clearing up, and he couldn't work out why, his body less heavy as he started to lose his temper. Almost as if it had forgotten it had been drugged.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I know what it's like to be drugged," Jack replied. "I've been drugged...a lot. And it's a really useful tool. Fastest way to get what you want a lot of the time. Look, Logan, I didn't think. That's what you wanted, right? Well..."

He spread his arms, leaving himself wide open. "I didn't come here with any plan at all other than getting you into bed, by any means necessary. Lying to you? Convincing you I'd done something to the tea? Easier than...for all the time I've been here, it was easier for me to do than it should be."

The months with John had highlighted all the ways he'd changed. The ways he wasn't a good Agent anymore. This, here and now, only drove home how much he hadn't changed. If he could pull this shit on Logan, he'd do it to anyone...and for anyone else, he wasn't sure he'd have stopped.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

It took a moment for what Jack was saying to really sink in, but even the knowledge that it had been nothing more than a lie didn't make it any better.

"A useful tool for what, Jack?" Logan asked, his voice raising. "You tell me you care about me. That you love me, but it's okay to drug me to win a game? It's a useful tool for a rapist maybe. A murderer. Not a lover, Jack."

All the yelling hurt his throat, still recovering from the cold, and he started to cough as he turned away, using the time to try and calm down.

"You really think it's okay to strip away my will and make helpless for a game?" he asked, catching his breath and calming down. "If you really feel that way, do it for real. There are hundreds of people here, I'm sure one of them has something you can slip me. Do it. I'm giving you permission. Drug me, do whatever the fuck you want. Then afterwords? Look me in the eye and tell me it didn't feel wrong."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"It's not a game," was all he could say as he climbed off the bed and retrieved his boots. It was never a game. Games were for other people. People who hadn't seen half the things he had and who hadn't lived through the things Logan had survived. Game meant someone won and someone lost, and Jack never felt like there was a winner or a loser. Sure, Logan had lost a bet, but to Jack that was another creature entirely. A side-wager, but not a game.

He slipped his feet into the boots and walked to the fire without tying them. This was more the feeling he'd been expecting when Logan had said to think of it like a mission he wasn't prepared for. This was exactly the risk you took when you walked in blind. It was precisely the scenario that got good agents dead, but quick.

It was clear Logan thought he was playing, though. If it had been a game, giving him permission to do what he'd lied about stripped any guilt away. It would have felt right because Logan had said he could, and Jack had zero problem rationalizing that. He took a seat to tie his boots and thought through every moment, every word, every expression and tone and nuance. That felt wrong. Treating Logan like a stranger, like he didn't know him at all, that he wasn't worth anything more than the same thing thousands of others had fallen victim to...wrong. Wrong enough to make him move too quickly, too sharply, and fuck up something as simple as tying his damned shoes as he tried to control the urgent need to run.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan knew Jack was leaving, and just like so many weeks ago, he made no effort to stop him... yet. It was different this time though. There was no mutual need to run, Logan had been fine where he was, and for all Jack's actions and Jack's words were frighting him, he hadn't been asking Jack to go.

Staring down at the floor, his eyes were damp and his body tense, and for all he wanted nothing more than to just let Jack run. He knew he couldn't. not without losing everything they'd only just found.

"Don't," he said finally. "Jack..."

He sighed loudly, raking his fingers through his hair as he got to his feet, approaching the other man slowly and eventually kneeling as he untied the knots in Jack's shoes and then began to re-tie them. "I was going to ask you to stay, but you know what? Do what you want," he said quietly, finishing the first bow and then grabbing the other shoe to start the next. "If you leave now though? Just... don't bother coming back."

Tying the second bow, he leaned back as rubbed his eyes until they were dry, his hand moving to rest on the other man's thigh for just a moment, as if he was truly worried Jack wouldn't be back.

On his knees, to some people he might have seemed defeated, but the truth was... he was anything but. Logan didn't feel weak on his knees in front of Jack. If anything, he felt strong. Like maybe this time, despite feeling bitter, he would be the one taking care of Jack.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack's eyes remained on his boots, even after his hands had fallen away and even after Logan had finished tying them for him. He clenched his teeth and the muscles in his jaw jumped with the effort of keeping them locked together. His fingers pressed into his legs, just above his knees. If he could just have a minute to push down everything, to banish the creeping sickness over all the things he wouldn't say out loud, to erase the memory of House's voice saying those exact same words, if he could just keep everything bound tight and tucked away then he could move forward.

He could have moved, but he was transfixed by the bows on his boots. There was no reason that he could figure out for Logan to do something like that for him. Not on a good day, certainly not now. It was so...strange.

"You tied my shoes," he said aloud, as if he voiced it it would make it make sense. He tried to get what had come before to gel with what Logan had just said coupled with what he'd just done. It was almost enough to give him a headache.

"You...tied my shoes."

Really not getting it. And really not moving from his seat.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I know," Logan replied simply, still kneeling as he let his hand fall from Jack's thigh.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

It took him another two full minutes for him to wrap his head around things, everything having gone from fine to fucked and halfway back in such a short span of time. He looked up from his boots to meet Logan's eyes. Every passing second, Jack tightened up and closed off until he was comfortable being in his own skin.

"Did you learn anything about control?" he asked. "Because I didn't learn anything about not giving a shit."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"No," Logan admitted, frowning slightly to himself. "Jack, it was just supposed to be fun." Which it had been, up until a point, and part of Logan couldn't help but wish that he hadn't taken the time to get upset or care, or that they could just start over.

"Look, I get that you don't understand why I feel it's wrong, and I know I'm not going to be able to see it your way, because I've never had to do the things you did. Hell, I don't want to see it your way, I'd like to stop before I get that jaded and fucked up. I know you did bad things, but..."

But what? He'd known what Jack was like when this had started. He'd never been dazzled and blinded by the charm. He'd seen the bad long before he saw the good, and he'd accepted it. He'd wanted it. Logan didn't love Jack because of the man he was to everyone else, Logan loved Jack because of the man he was underneath the flawless skin and too white smile. The good and the very bad. He'd been just as seduced by the man's right hook as he had been by his kiss, so why was this different? Jack was Jack, and for all Logan couldn't understand how the other man could be okay with what he'd done, that didn't change how he felt.

"What else are you hiding in there, Jack?" he asked quietly, curious now as he turned his head to look at the other man. "We already opened the door, right? So what else is hiding in there?"