Saturday 20th/Sunday 21st

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[continues from here]

Jack had returned to the party, had drank some and smiled some- just like nothing was wrong- had danced some, and then he came back home. Alone. He hadn't even tried to pick anyone up. Even if he'd left the fight with every intention of finding a single willing body, when the opportunity presented itself, he had to admit that he just wasn't interested. Oh, he was a little interested. Just not enough to leave with anyone, and certainly not enough to take them home to the bed where Logan ought to have been.

He simply went home alone, fell into bed still dressed, and slept off the booze until the sun was above the trees. It took a minute after he woke up to fit everything that had happened into place and once he had, he came to one conclusion.

He felt like such a dick.

After he changed his clothes, Jack headed for the Hamlet, only to find that Logan hadn't gotten there last night. Since he really didn't want Joe having to lug his corpse off into the jungle to somewhere he'd never be found, he simply suggested that maybe he'd misheard and that Logan was going to Anne's. It bought him enough time to go back home and try to puzzle out where the younger man had gone. It was a little while before he noticed the box that held the gun askew on the shelf. Jack went over and looked, relieved to find the gun still in there, but upon further investigation he saw the wedding ring was gone. It got him to look around more carefully and he found the lighter was missing, and the cell phone, too. As were a few other things. Logan's things. Logan's most important things.

The missing items and the fact that Logan had never made it to Joe's settled on him and he was sure he couldn't breathe. He sat down heavily, missing the chair and landing on the floor. He knew it would happen one day; he'd known Logan would vanish. He just wasn't ready. They hadn't even gotten married yet.

Comments

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan seemed to relax, content with Jack's reply as he closed his eyes and wrapped one arm around the other man.

"I'm not going anywhere either. I'm not going to vanish," he said after a bit. "This island isn't getting rid of me anytime soon. You're stuck with me, Harkness."

He went quiet again for a moment, turning his head and kissing Jack's wet cheek before reaching over to rub away the damp spots. "You ever call me a kid again in that tone of voice though, I swear to god, I'll kick your ass."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I think I can handle that," he said as he cracked the first genuine smile he'd had since they were at the party together.

"You'll try to kick my ass," he continued, actually huffing a real laugh. "But you'll probably just make me wait. You're so good at that."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Hey, I could totally kick your ass if I wanted to, okay?" Logan insisted, even though he knew it wasn't true. "And I am good at that. It's been all night now, hasn't it? I'm surprised you haven't pinned me down and demanded I get you off. I think you're getting soft, Jack."

He smirked, and as if to prove a point, he started to get to his feet, arms spread wide as if daring the other man to fight him.

It was childish and stupid, but Logan didn't care. It was just nice to hear Jack laugh after seeing him in tears.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Sorry if I had something on my mind other than getting off," Jack said dryly as he got to his feet. In fact, even after Logan mentioned it, fucking wasn't what was on his mind. He sauntered closer, hands at hip level and palms open, beckoning Logan to come closer.

"I really thought you were gone," he repeated as he closed the distance, one step at a time. "I don't know what I'd do if this place took you away from me...and it's got nothing to do with sex. That's not the only reason I'm with you. It's not even the reason I'm with you."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

It was rare that Jack didn't pounce on an opportunity to have sex, and Logan faltered a little as he realized just how upset the other man had been. He'd never really considered how people might react if he ever vanished, he'd never considered himself important enough to make any kind of real impact. But now... Well now he sort of got it. Now he knew what it would do to Jack.

He stepped closer to meet Jack half-way, wrapping his arms around the other man and holding on. "I know," he said quietly. "Jack, I know it's not about sex. I'm not going anywhere. This place can't take me away, not if I don't want to go. I wont let it. I love you, I want to be here with you. I didn't even want to be away from you last night, I just didn't want to see who you might bring home."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I won't bring anyone home," he said with absolute certainty. "That's our bed. Just you and me. I wouldn't do that. And last night...I wasn't going to pick anyone up just to prove a point. I'm not going to use people. I'm not even sure I could. Not anymore."

That was a truth he'd been unwilling to believe until it had hit him in the face last night. He could have fucked someone. Maureen or Helen, maybe, except Helen was never lonely and Maureen had been busy every time he saw her. He couldn't imagine a man he'd want to go home with. Alcuin had Giles, and there was Bagoas, whose bed he could have shared. He could have even found his way to Daniel's doorstep. But none of them would mean anything to him and that wasn't fair to them. He wouldn't have gotten lost...he'd have been thinking about Logan.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"So why did you say you were?" Logan asked.

And yeah, okay, maybe he was pushing for an apology. He could admit he'd been a little bitchy the night before, and maybe a little too insecure- But that didn't change the fact that Jack had behaved like an asshole.

Looking down, he pulled away ust long enough to retrieve his wedding band from the floor, slipping it into his pocket before turning his attention back to Jack.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He only shrugged.

"Because I got scared an I'm an asshole," he said simply.

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Total asshole," Logan agreed, moving to sit down on the bed.

"You alright?" he asked after a long moment. "How long had you been sitting here before I got home?" he asked.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. A little bit after I got back from Joe's and found your stuff gone. I kept trying to get it together so I could go back to the Hamlet, but I just couldn't get up," Jack said while he followed Logan, hovered at the edge of the bed for a minute, then sat down.

"I don't even know what time it is, but I was up with the sun...:

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"It's after lunch time now," Logan said quietly. "If I'd known you were- ...I would have come back sooner, you know?"

Looking down at his feet, he sighed. "You should get some rest, you look tired. I can go talk to Joe and let him know everything's okay," he offered. "I could even bring home something for an early dinner," he added, reaching over to stroke Jack's hair again as he suddenly found himself wanting to take care of the other man.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

After lunch time...more than six hours, if he had to guess. Had he really been on the floor for that long?

"I probably look bad, but I'm not tired," he replied even as he laid down and tugged on Logan to join him. "Joe can wait...just stay here? I'm sorry I walked out last night. I'm sorry for a lot of things."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

Logan didn't fight or protest, letting Jack tug him down and quickly settling in half on top of the other man. God he'd missed this. It had only been one night, but it had been hard to drift off without Jack beside him. Lately Logan couldn't get to sleep unless he had his head against the other man's chest, listening to his heartbeat. Or the warmth of the other man's body pressed against him from behind. Warm and safe in his arms.

"Joe can wait," he agreed quietly. "I missed this. Missed you. I had the worst dream last night- I haven't had dreams like that in so long. God that sounds pathetic, but- It's true. I don't have dreams like that when I'm home with you."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack wound his arms around Logan and held on. He made and effort not to squeeze too tightly, but now that he had him, he wasn't letting go. As if keeping him close would keep anything from snatching him away. If he could just hold on...

"I don't think I dreamed at all. I was drunk by the time I got home,"Jack said. "What did you dream about? Do you want to talk about it?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Aaron," Logan admitted, not going into much more detail. "It's not even worth talking about, I just- I thought he was back again. Here, I mean. I thought he was here, and I was just helpless. I let him hurt me again, just like I did when he turned up before."

He shivered a little and pressed closer, holding on tightly as he wrapped an arm around Jack's middle. "That Halloween, when he showed up here, I tried so hard to keep him away from everyone else. From Neil and Joe. ...He knocked me out at one point, he swung and knocked me back so hard that I hit my head against the bedpost. I think I actually blacked out for a bit."

Trailing off, he shook his head, obviously reluctant to say anymore.

"But whatever, I'm home now. I'll sleep fine tonight. It was just a shitty dream."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

His fingers trailed up and down Logan's back, sometimes drawing lines and sometimes making circles. There was little he could say that wasn't simply bitterness, hatred, and denial, so he kept quiet for a while and just held on. Ultimately, he couldn't keep silent.

"I'd have done it, you know," he said slowly. "I know I was high when I saw you, but I remember what I told you. That I'd have shot him, that way you wouldn't feel guilty and you could have kept hating me." Jack paused and dipped his chin to press his lips against Logan's hair. "Even then I didn't like the idea of anyone hurting you...and that's when we fought all the time."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I don't feel bad about it anymore," Logan admitted. "I hated myself for what i did back then, but now- I know i did the right thing. I couldn't let him hurt anyone else. He hurt Joe. God, he hurt Neil, and long before all that, he hurt Veronica... I know I did the right thing. I don't feel guilty anymore."

Still, Jack's words were kind, and he pressed closer and held on tighter. It was his own silent way of thanking the other man.

"I didn't really want to hate you anymore anyway. Not then. I know we fought all the time, but- you were one of the few people here who didn't coddle me. You were honest. Sometimes I really need that."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes you really hate it," Jack pointed out. "You have no problem taking a swing when you don't like what I'm telling you, especially if it's the truth."

It was just a fact, he wasn't judgmental or accusing. It also didn't keep him from being honest. Sometimes, less so now than then, just sometimes he was even brutal about it.

"You really hated me, though. For a long time. It seems so long ago I can't even remember why. Even before the thing with Neil, you didn't like me."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Whatever, I don't act like that anymore," Logan insisted, even though he knew that wasn't true. "And I didn't. Jack I didn't hate you before the stuff with Neil. I had a hard time understanding you, but- I thought we were okay. I think that's why I got so upset when Neil told me what had happened. I liked you, and then you went and did that."

Wetting his lips a little, he swallowed hard and pulled away slightly. "I hated you for implying you could have hurt him. I hated the idea of you with him. ...And I think I hated the idea that you wanted him- and not me. 'Cause everyone flirted with Neil, you know? It was just more proof of how much better than me he was. How much I didn't deserve him, and how he could have anyone. I mean, god, we broke up and now he has two boyfriends. Two people who want to be with him. I could hardly even keep Donald interested in me, and he was in bed with Mike and Tom."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I'd rather have had you," he said quietly, moving his hand to touch Logan's face and get him to look up at him. "I wanted you from that day we met, but you were so...committed. I didn't get it. Not then. Now, though? I kinda like it. That you're mine and I'm yours. That we work. Dale told me a long time ago that one day I'd get it and that I'd find one someone who was enough. I told him he was right the other day when I talked to him. That I found my someone. That you're enough."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Just as well you didn't try," Logan said, settling back in again. "I'd have only punched you in the face. ...Or worse, slept with you."

His arm slipped back around the other man's waist, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to be nude and under the covers. Huddled together like last night hadn't been a huge disaster.

"Dale's a smart guy," he added after a moment, trying to ignore how good it felt to hear Jack say that, not wanting to come off as a total sap as he turned his head and began to kiss Jack's neck.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"We'd never have this if I'd screwed you then," Jack said matter-of-factly while he tilted his chin up to give Logan better access.

"Dale said that to me, too. When I lived with him for a while he made it clear that he didn't want to ruin what we had, and he didn't want to be some convenient thing- knowing I wouldn't be around in the morning. I thought he was nuts, but I respected his boundaries. And now, a few years later, we're still friends and more than half the people I've taken to bed are gone. He really is a smart guy."

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"I know," Logan replied honestly, well aware of the fact that if he'd given into Jack's charm before, there was no way they'd be where they were now. He wasn't sure what it was that had changed exactly, but he knew that fate had thrust them together at just the right time.

"Besides, if you had slept with him, Joe wouldn't have given you his blessing to marry me. In fact, he'd have probably kicked you in the face," Logan said casually, nipping at Jack's ear before pulling away and getting to his feet so he could strip out of his clothes and get comfortable.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"And what would you have done if he hadn't given his blessing?" he asked. He barely sat up before pulling his shirt off and discarding it. He unwound the cord from his fingers and looked at the lines where it had cut into his skin. Slipping the bullet around his neck again, he rolled onto his side and watched Logan undress.

"I don't mean if Dale and I...I just mean if he'd said no. If he didn't trust me or thought it was wrong. What was the plan if that happened?"

[echolls-cursed.livejournal.com]

"Honestly? I don't know," Logan replied, climbing back onto the bed and slipping under the sheets. "I probably would have suggested we wait a little longer, or- maybe have just suggested we get married right then and there to spite him. Either way, Joe would have warmed to you eventually."

Reaching out, he tried to coax Jack into joining him under the sheets by tugging his arm gently. "I still would have wanted to be with you, I just would have been hurt that he couldn't get over it and just trust I was happy."