[for Ianto re:Ace]

[more_flexible]

Jack-

I need time to think, because because while I meant everything everything I said yesterday I don't know why I told you. I- It's not something that I'm fine, and I know how to handle myself, so I'll be safe.

I know that you have what you have with Greg, and it was stupid there's more then enough challenges without me doing saying what I did. I'm sorry-

I- Tell Ianto I'm sorry too, will you? Things- Things happened there yesterday, too. I'm scared It'll be alright.

I love you Take care of yourself, alright?

Ace


It was pinned to her jacket, which she rarely left behind. She couldn't have gone far. He couldn't believe he'd slept deeply enough not to notice.

He held the note and read it over and over, then shook his head and went to his room to pull on jeans and boots, a t-shirt he didn't mind ruining, and a button down shirt in case it took more than one night to find her.

He left a note for everyone in the house, specific and vague at the same time and to the effect of Gone with Ianto to find Ace. Took Stu's gun. WILL return.

First stop was the Redman's hut where he told Stu what had happened and he gave over the M16 without any fuss. The Texan had insisted he take his backpack as well, so by the time he was at Ianto and Tosh's hut, he was ready to go.

"Ianto," he called, knocking hard. "Need your help...you in there?"

Comments

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Because I love you, Ace. How many ways do I have to tell you that? It's not just some thing I say in bed and it's not something I take lightly," he said, leaning forward. He wasn't angry, but he'd be damned if she was going to get away with this with him. He held her tightly and resisted the urge to just shake her, but only barely.

"It wasn't stupid that you told me. It means so much more than you know, Ace. You and me...you and me..."

When at a complete loss for words, Jack didn't think twice. He closed the distance and kissed her.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

.... And for once, Ace didn't melt into the kiss, didn't lean up and try and remember it. She yanked herself back so hard she almost stumbled, and she didn't even think about it before her fist moved towards his exceedingly perfect face. Luckily (for him), she wasn't planted on the ground terribly well.

"You and me- there- Jack, there isn't-" Her eyes burned, and so much of her was laid bare for him to see. That pure loneliness, that feeling that they'd be better off- "There isn't. And there won't be." It wasn't that she was denying him, that she was protesting. Her voice was rough with the tears she had choked back, low with an almost resignation and hurt- and she turned to move away. To get away from him, to get away from both of them because this hurt that much- When her back was turned, her head down as she just left, her rucksack forgotten - she started to cry.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

He was thankful she wasn't planted better. Why was his jaw the place to aim? His head jerked to the side with the meager force and he let her go, watching her until his heart felt like it was ripped apart. He looked over at Ianto, then shook his head. Jack slipped his pack off and pulled off his shirt. "ACE!" he called, throwing it at the back of her head.

Then he took up his rifle and pack and nodded to the rucksack. "Bring that along, Ianto. It's getting dark and we need to find a spot for the night."

[coffee_sir]

There was nothing Ianto could do but watch the scene play out in front of him. This wasn't what he had expected. He had expected shouting from Ace, yes, but other than that he had not known what to expect. He had not realized how deep Jack and Ace's relationship was, or how it worked itself out.

A part of him regretted coming, not because Ianto didn't want to watch out for Ace, but he felt more an accessory than part of a solution.

He nodded, already moving to pick up the rucksack as Ace walked away, watching her go.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

Ace'd ignored the shirt, wincing as she heard the yell and felt something hit her (squishy as it was), but she didn't even look at it. She kept going, barely even registering the branches scratching her skin as she sped from a walk to a run, feet pounding on the jungle floor until she finally stopped at the edge of a clearing.

It wasn't stupid that you told me. It means so much more than you know, Ace. You and me...you and me...

"Shut up-" The words were almost sobs, her body folding as she sat at the base of a tree, her skin against the rough bark with her knees to her chest. There wasn't a him and her, there wouldn't be a him and her, and to say that there was- it hurt so much, it hurt so bad she wanted to throw up, wanted to just run and run and never see him again even though that hurt worse. It'd be better if she wasn't around, if she moved out and she wasn't making things harder-

But then she'd be really alone. Really alone, and- and it would hurt- Not that it doesn't hurt now. She rubbed her face with shaking hands, and finally just broke down. She couldn't do this anymore.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack stalked through the jungle, taking his frustration out on vines and foliage. He came to a clearing and stopped, shaking his head and finally turning to look at Ianto.

"That didn't go well," he said, like he needed to state something so obvious. "I'm sorry I'm dragging you all over, making you camp and stuff. It's dangerous in the dark, though."

[coffee_sir]

Ianto followed, ever quiet, keeping his head down and the rucksack over his shoulder. He was thinking, and perfectly content to simply walk along, as Jack was doing an excellent job on clearing a path.

"No," he agreed quietly. "But you didn't really expect it to, did you?" Ianto shook his head. "Don't apologize for that. I decided to come along, after all."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what I expected. If Ace is like this today, maybe I'd rather stay out here, too," he sighed, unpacking the tent and setting it up. It wasn't huge, but there was plenty of room for three...if Ace came back.

"You think she'll come back? She's half naked and we've got her rucksack. She's got to come, right?" he asked, looking off into the jungle as iff he could see her.

[coffee_sir]

Dropping the rucksack, Ianto moved to help Jack, unfolding the tarp and grabbing a spike. He paused as he started to secure the tent.

"... Well, does she know how to find us?"

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ianto, I don't know how to find us," he replied. "Maybe...God, she's pissed at me. I can finish this if you'll go look around for her. She can't have gotten far."

[coffee_sir]

Jack had a point, so Ianto nodded, leaving the spike and mallet for Jack to finish. He dug into the pack, fishing out a bottle of water for a quick drink, and then replaced it and nodded. "Be back."

He doubled back on the way they came, until he found the spot with Ace's bloody shirt and Jack's discarded one. Picking up both, Ianto then turned in the direction Ace had gone, going in mostly a straight line and listening carefully for any sound of her. "Ace?" he called occasionally, wondering if she'd even respond. "Ace!"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She was still crying, and rubbed at her eyes when she heard Ianto's voice, her own breath hiccuping as she tried to calm down. She stood, her arms wrapped around her bare stomach - she was covered with scratches and was incredibly thirsty - and felt like she was going to be sick again, almost. She didn't really say anything, moving towards his voice until she was just standing in the shadow of a tall tree, able to see him. "Ianto?"

She started to cry again when she said his name, her face turned away as she scrubbed at her tears with her knuckles.

[coffee_sir]

His head snapped in her direction once Ianto heard her voice, and he paused, just looking at her for a moment before shifting off his windbreaker. After walking closer, he stopped in front of her, sliding the jacket over her shoulders and resting his hands on her arms.

"I've no hankerchief this time, sorry," he said gently. "You still angry at us?"

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She was shaking, whether it was from the jungle cooling down or emotion or lack of water (especially after she'd emptied her stomach) wasn't clear. "I- I wasn't angry." They were quiet words, and she'd pulled so far into herself literally and figuratively that it was just as bad as when she'd found the TARDIS - but this... this was about her, not about this place.

So perhaps it was worse?

"I need the water in my rucksack." She didn't look up at him, didn't really look up at all. "Can we go back?"

[coffee_sir]

"Of course," he said, still gentle and not about to mention that he was sent to fetch her. She wasn't pulling away from him, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he stepped to her side, pulling her a bit closer to him as they started to walk back in the direction he had come from. The light was starting to fade, but Ianto knew he could retrace his steps. He didn't do well in field situations, but he knew the mechanics of it.

"There are even some meal bars that taste packed dirt, if you'd like."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She actually flinched when he touched her, and almost seemed to curl smaller - not into him, but into herself as his arm slipped around her shoulder. She shook her head mutely when he offered the mealbars, and it didn't take long for them to get close enough to see the flickering firelight - and Ace actually balked for just a moment, opening her mouth to say something until she shook her head slightly and moved forward. She looked like hell, and she was focusing on the water - not on the person who made the fire, presumably.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

Jack had slipped the overshirt back on and was sitting by the fire, poking it idly. He was worried, going over what he'd do if neither of them came back soon. Charging around the night time jungle had never been something he'd enjoyed.

But when he heard them coming back, he didn't even look up. Now that two pairs of footsteps were closing in, there was a new batch of worries.

Without a word, he reached down and picked up a bottle of water and held it out.

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She paled even further, and didn't even notice as Ianto's hand rubbed her shoulder for a moment before he was gone. She reached for the bottle with a shaking hand, and her eyes flickered over his bent head for a moment. He'd not said a word, or even looked at her-

She needed to leave.

He didn't want her here - why would he, after she'd punched him- She took the water, her throat working as she downed almost all of it - and then hiccoughed, turning her head as she tried not to choke and- damnit, the tears started again. She covered her mouth with a hand, and very quietly just said five words, curled back into herself, backing up a step.

"I'm sorry. I can leave."

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"I wish you wouldn't," he said, looking up at her. "Stop running from me, Ace. Last night was the first time you haven't pulled away. Please."

Jack stood and reached out to brush a tear from her cheek. "We came after you because we care about you. It might not be some fairy tale love story, but we're not made for that, right? Not after the Doctor. Not when you know the monsters are real."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She flinched again, and looked up at him, searching for something in his eyes. "I- It-" She shook her head slightly, pressing her lips together for just a moment. "It hurts-" She looked back down, and didn't even know what to say. What to do. She didn't want this to be all wrong anymore - didn't want it to hurt and sting and make it feel like there was a gaping hole in her chest where her heart was.

"What's wrong with me? Why-" She forced herself to say the words, her voice catching again and again as she tried to just not sob. "Why not me? What's- what's wrong with me? I- I'm stupid- I don't understand, and- and it hurts. I know- I know I'm not enough-" She kept trying to find reasons for it in her head. Reasons, and why it shouldn't matter, and why- and why she shouldn't want it in the first place.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

"Ace," he said softly, cupping her cheek and stepping closer, the heat of his body and of the fire radiating off the bare skin. "There's nothing wrong with you. If I was a different man...if I could make you really happy..."

Jack shook his head and looked at Ianto, nodding almost imperceptibally to get him to come closer. "I know it hurts, Ace. I know. But I need you to do something. Something for yourself. Something for Ianto and me."

He paused and hoped beyond hope that Ianto would understand.

"Tell us what you want...and if you can't say it, just take it, baby."

[coffee_sir]

Ianto was watching quietly as he had done before, catching the motion of Jack's, knowing to step forward. He was at the side of either of them, and placed his hand lightly on Ace's back. A glance was spared to Jack before his attention fully centered on Ace.

"We don't want you to hurt, Ace. Anything that we can do to make it better, just let us know."

[pawnoffenric.livejournal.com]

She was trembling under his fingers. "W-what if you could- j-just for-" She looked away. "I- I can't- Jack, Ianto, I-" She couldn't- She couldn't even say it, that maybe- maybe they could try, and see if it could work- Or-

She couldn't ask him for that. Couldn't take it, even. He- He was with Greg, and- and it was so important to him- "You- you can't. Wouldn't." She forced a smile, that little piece of a person's mind that they crudely called the 'heart' almost visibly cracking. "And- And I- I can't- Not- not when-" She touched his cheek with shaking fingers, barely holding it together. "I-" She swallowed hard, wishing- wishing she could do it. I love you. Love me. Just try, for me.

She should leave. Somehow leave and just stay away and not- not be near people, not hurt anyone, not get herself hurt-

She wished she could be selfish, that she could just take and that it wouldn't matter - but... but it all mattered. And that- and that he didn't just- that he didn't want- that it was- that he was trying to fix her, which is why he offered-

That hurt more, somehow. That she was so broken that he had to offer this thing that he didn't want, that he was willing to mess up everything he'd tried for just because she was that messed up-

She looked back at Ianto, that utter hopelessness in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Ianto. About earlier. I- I don't know why-" She shook her head, and looked back at Jack. "I- I'm not- I'm not what you want, Jack." She was trying to keep her voice steady, but it'd dropped to a whisper, that spark that made her her just... gone from her eyes.

[captainjack.livejournal.com]

What if he could? What if?...It wasn't like he didn't want to. Wasn't like it was as easy to be in bed next her and do nothing.

Sometimes he just wanted to shake her til she rattled. Didn't she listen? Couldn't she tell? Jack felt her trembling and saw the light in her eyes was just the fire. If he lost her...if this was the only moment he'd ever have with Ace...

He stopped thinking about it.

"What I want..." he started, then he kissed her again, completely ready to take it on the chin this time, but he couldn't let her go without proving her wrong. She was exactly what he wanted. Maybe not the only thing, and he knew that wasn't fair to her, but he wanted her. Had wanted her for months.

He wrapped his free arm around her waist until he could catch Ianto and keep him close, too. He'd taken it back, the whole 'touch her and I'll kill you' thing. He wanted Ianto to know he meant it.

[coffee_sir]

Ianto's mind boggled at how the hell this happened, exactly. The kiss hadn't worked the first time, and Ianto doubted it would work the second, but pulling away wasn't an option. He'd stepped forward, and Jack was making sure he wouldn't step back, not that he would.

Still, it wasn't as if he were in this situation on a regular basis and was a little lost as to what to do. His hand traveled up her back, so that once her kiss with Jack was broken, Ianto leaned in, cupping the side of her face lightly, and kissed her as well.